to think DH shouldn't go out with his mates without discussing with me first?

[sweetandtenderhooligan]

I've had a shitty day. DC have been a handful and I'm exhausted. DH came home from work, I told him briefly what a crap day I've had and how glad I was to see him. Fed, bathed and put kids to bed. Came downstairs and he was putting his jacket on. He said he'd had a call from his (single) friend who fancies going for a pint or six so he's off into town, see you later.

He should've at least discussed this with me first, shouldn't he?

I was pissed off about it and he just didn't get it. Who's being unreasonable here, me or him?

[pigletmania]

Its not permission as such, its running it by one another,

[pigletmania]

The op told him that she had a crap day, so he knew but instead went out without thinking about the op

[pigletmania]

and she said she was glad to see him as she had a crap day, if that does not mean i want to now spend time with you, I don't know what is

[pigletmania]

In a partnership its just considerate to run things by each other and to COMMUNICATE with one another, and respect each others feelings which was not what the op dh did despite her telling him that she was glad to see him and that she had a crap day.

[mumsamilitant]

I'm sure thats not the whole story though is it.

[diddl]

"thing is diddl, how did he know she had no plans? "

Ooops-missed out an if!

[ravenAK]

Dh used to do this & it pissed me off too.

It's an assumption that means had your mate already phoned up & asked you to go out on the lash, that would then be a problem. Or for that matter, you might be desperately needing an early one with a good book & not to be keeping half an ear out for dc waking etc.

I think it's basic courtesy to check with your dp before you head out tbh - it's not asking permission, it's making sure that they don't already have plans that they've made since you saw them this morning/you've forgotten about.

Even if it's vanishingly unlikely (because they are knackered & never go out) that they do have plans. Actually, ESPECIALLY then.

What it says to me is: 'I know you're at home doing the mummy stuff, because that's your job, isn't it?'.

Dh doesn't do this anymore. I, erm, may have been quite forthright in telling him it was NOT ON.

[FiniteIncantatem]

Can you arrange to go somewhere tomorrow or Thursday, so that when he gets in from work, you can just pop your coat on and leave him to it? Sometimes actions speak louder than words...

[blackeyedsusan]

no, it is not about asking permission, but it is polite to ask. he assumed that she would look after the children whilst he went out. he has joint responsibility for the children but is not behaving that way. finite has a good idea. he might not actually understand it til he sees it in action from the othere side so to speak.

[Faffalina]

Agree with FiniteIncantatem, that should get your point across and anything else will just be taken as "nagging".

[Matronalia]

YANBU. DH always asks. I always say yes, but he asks anyway. its just politeness, showing respect, checking its ok etc.