over bridesmaids dress argument?

[doublechocchip]

I am getting married in 7 weeks I bought my bridesmaids dresses in february, all tried on and said they were happy with them. I have 4 bridesmaids who are size 8, 10 , 12 and 22 so it was really hard finding dresses that they would all feel comfortable in. I wanted a chocolate brown as we are getting married in autumn, not satin as it isnt flattering for a lot of people and not strapless as I hate seeing bridesmaids hoiking up their dress all day.

Now this weekend my mum has said she hates the dresses and has been telling my sister who is a 10 that is does her no favours so obviously she is really worrying about it now. I am sure it is because my mum is a label snob and knows how much these dresses cost and therefore isnt enough. The price to me wasnt really an issue although wanted to try and keep it under £100ish. AIBU in telling my mum it is now her problem and she can sort it out, Im already a bit stressed out with all the final details, dd starting school and ds starting pre-school. It is now too late to order any made dresses from reputable countries just from places like china where I hear really mixed reviews and cant buy off the peg at places like coast as they only go up to an 18. Am really angry at my mum to have waited till now to tell me she hates them and turning my sisters against them AIBU?

[tulipgrower]

Btw. Love the dress you've chosen!

[tulipgrower]

Tell your Mum she can choose the bridesmaids dresses at your next wedding.

[doublechocchip]

Thanks again everyone for all your replies and big thanks to the photo links they really do look classy in the brown dresses will be showing them to my sisters!

Maryz yep my friend is a 22 and she has been in the forefront of my mind really when looking for dresses and she is really happy with it as is my size 8 very fashion concious friend.

I am a little annoyed at my sisters for not having the guts to tell me they didnt like it but I know its because my mum has worn them down with these horrible comments about bow legs/imaginary podge! I am going to have a evening with JUST the bridesmaids as suggested with everything from the outfit and then will have more of an idea.

Also good tip about spanx, I got some great tights a while ago which had tummy support built in and were really sturdy so will invest in a few pairs of them!

[wannabesybil]

Just wanted to say that not only do the dresses look really lovely and flattering but also that I love the clothes on that site and as soon as funds allow I will be buying a shedload of stuff from there! At last I have found a site with clothes on that I actually like!

I hope your day goes well. When I got married (100 miles from where I lived with difficult family dynamics) I took the view that anything that went wrong would be a good anecdote to tell later. Personally I would prime trusted friends to gush enthusiastically over the bridesmaids dresses all day. The day is about you and what you want and you sound really lovely in even considering the different dynamics of your bridesmaids. Good luck

(PS - also get your friends to say flatly to your Mum that her outfit is, 'very nice, really, I don't care what anyone says...')

[NunTheWiser]

Stick to your guns. It's a lovely dress.
If they continue to make a fuss, call their bluff and tell them that if they really have a problem with it, you'll understand if they decide they'd rather not be a bridesmaid. If they do want to be a bridesmaid, they can get on with doing their job, which is to be a help and support to you.

[plupervert]

What a mean-spirited mother. Keep her well away from as many as your bridesmaids as you can and yourself. These dresses "do nothing" for features which she's spitefully highlighting? Her malice is doing nothing for your feelings for her. She can piss off. Honestly, what a cow.

[LatteLady]

Firstly, your dresses are beautiful and I am sure that the girls will look fantastic on your big day.

Now as to your mother, you have told her that you are sticking with the dresses, that is now the end of it. If she broaches it again, tell her it is not up for discussion and that you have other bigger things to worry about like whether she will sit with you on the top table whether the weather will be good.

I hope you have the fabulous day that you so deserve and that the tantrums stop.

[cottonreels]

Lovely dress. Ignore.

[DamselInDisarray]

Your mother is being really quite nasty to you and to your sisters. How dare she pray on their insecurities about 'fat bits' and 'bow legs'. That's just dreadful.

They'll look lovely in the dress, and it will also be comfortable. This last point is sadly very often overlooked in bridesmaid's dresses and it's not fun being uncomfortable all day long.

[sherbetpips]

ignore her, easier said than done I know. My sister who wanted a big flouncy bridesmaid dress not the straight cheap ones we hired made her feelings clear. I acknowledged them and ignored them. Weddings are beyong stressfull, in about 5 weeks time you will morph into bridezilla unable to see sense in anything BUT it is worth it, just dont let other peoples pettiness get in the way. the dresses aint changin and that is that.

[fanjobanjowanjo]

To avoid any of this for my upcoming wedding I just gave my girls a colour and told them to choose their own dress - whatever style shape length whatever they like. They are all such different characters no one dress works for them (plus I have a girl that a twig would look fat next to and a much larger lady).

[ZacharyQuack]

Just tell them very calmly that these are the bridesmaid dresses, you can't afford to replace them and anyway there isn't time to sort it out. If they really feel that they can't wear them, then they are welcome to step down as bridesmaids, you have some friends that can step into the role. Of course they are still welcome to attend the wedding as guests.

[MmeLindor.]

What a great choice, really.

Stick to your guns.

Get all the bridesmaids around to your place, not your mum's house. Can you ask your hairdresser to come around and do a practice evening? Get the accessories, shoes etc and try the dresses on.

Lots of bubbly, get them all fired up about the dresses. Will be a fun evening, and they can all tell you what they really think.

If they - the bridesmaids, not your mum - are still unhappy then sit down and have an honest chat.

What don't they like? I cannot imagine it is the cut, because that dress is seriously flattering for all figures. Is it the colour?

And tell your mum to butt out.

[Alibabaandthe80nappies]

The thing is, even if it was the vilest dress in the world, it isn't about them it is about you.

I was a bridesmaid last weekend. The dress was very low cut on me and a colour that I would never have chosen for myself. I wouldn't have dreamt of saying anything to the bride.

Her day, her choice.

As it was, when we were all wearing them they looked fine, more than fine.

But again, not my day so if I and all the other bridesmaids had looked awful then so be it.

[RedHelenB]

Personally I don't like them BUT your wedding, your decision end of story!!!

[diddl]

"that my sisters will be as well as they do nothing for them "

So?

It´s supposed to be about the bride.

I´d be tempted to tell them to wear the dresses or piss off tbh.

It´s just one little thing that you are asking them to do for you on your wedding day FFS.

[sunnydelight]

Gorgeous dress, your bridesmaids are lucky (I recently got a very belated apology from my sister for what she made me wear )

[mamaGool]

Has your dad got an opinion? Could you ask him to tell your mum how unreasonable she's being & your sisters how gorgeous they look in the dresses mediate?

I agree with the Spanx comment - I'm a size 8, but after having a baby, I feel a little self-conscious in jersey & some good "holditallin" undies make me feel much more confident.

Your mum is being unreasonable, but you don't want a family fall out before YOUR big day.
FWIW, I think the dresses are lovely too!

[Tinkerisdead]

Yes those last pictures are so similar to your dress. Brilliant idea to show them.

[daenerysstormborn]

and this too, katherine heigl as a bridesmaid, wearing a brown dress!

[daenerysstormborn]

show them this, the dresses will look great

[CurrySpice]

like this one

or this

[daenerysstormborn]

i am another who thinks the dresses are lovely. the style is very flattering. and anyway, even if the dresses did 'do the bridesmaids no favours', all eyes should be on you, the bride anyway.

as far as where to go next with it, i would take your mum out of the equation, talk to the bridesmaids themselves direct, ask them to be honest, but also stress that at 7 weeks to go, it's unlikely to give time for any changes. get them on side and draw a line under it as far as your mum is concerned.

[Haberdashery]

Those are beautiful dresses. Any colour in that style would look good and chocolate brown is a great choice as there are very few people who couldn't wear it and look at least OK. Good grief, some people have to be bridesmaids in egg yolk yellow or fuchsia or bright green.

You have chosen a lovely tasteful understated option which will also be something that your bridesmaids can wear again. Tell your mum to bog off!