To think this is a not much money . . .

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Hi, a friend(ish) of mine has asked me to help out with childcare for her DS. She works full time and needs childcare covered before and after school mon-thurs every week for the forseable future.

I don't usually do anything like this as I really have my hands full with my own 2 dcs and have only recently been well enough to cope even with that (depression etc).

I don't want to do it for many reasons really, such as it making my life more difficult, I only just cope as it is, wouldn't be able to go out with my dcs after school, want to go back to work soon etc

But the thing I am wondering is that she offered me money to do it, and that's what she was using to persuade me. She offered £33 a week to cover the 11 hours, so £3 an hour. My DH thinks this isn't very much.

I just wondered what other people thought. It's a bit of a redundant question really seeing as I don't feel I can cope with another child for 2.5 hours a day but need the money so I suppose I would consider it more seriously if I didn't think it was a bit stingy.

Also how does that compare to if she were to use breakfast and afternoon clubs. Was wondering if she were just trying to save money by having me do it.

[SenoritaViva]

You want to practice now?!
I just spat tea on my (enormous) bump at the idea of someone disagreeing with your reasons when they are asking YOU a favour. And I get all worried about asking my friends if they'll be on stand by when I go in labour for DC2. I should get over myself (although it MIGHT be Christmas day!)

Why don't you say, 'actually there are a number of reasons but I just don't want to get drawn into a long conversation about it as my answer will remain no'.

If I called you up and said 'hi eyebrows, I've just started a business can you come and be my PA' you would think nothing of saying 'no thanks, right now I'm being a SAHM' or 'tell me the deal and I'll think about it... No thanks, it's not for me'. So why on earth would anyone think that they can steamroll someone into it I have no idea.

You: 'No, I am not doing it'
Her: 'Well that's a silly reason, laugh'
You: 'It might seem trivial to you but I've given it much thought and don't want to be drawn into a discussion about it as my answer will remain the same'
Her: 'But I'm in such a fix what will happen to Child X?'
You: 'I am sure you can investigate your options. There are CMs, After School and breakfast clubs'
Her: 'But you would be so much better'
You: 'But I am not a childminder and I do not want to do this, sorry no'
Her: 'But I don't want him to go to a big nasty club/nursery (etc.)'
You: 'Well I am sure a childminder will provide a loving caring smaller group. Many children attend clubs and love spending time with their friends, I am sure he will be fine'.
Her: About to speak
You: (Putting your hand up) 'Look I don't want to ruin our friendship but you are being somewhat rude by not listening to me. I am sorry that I am not the solution to your problem and I really don't want this to ruin our friendship. Now, would you like another cup of tea?/ Heard a crash from upstairs, just going to check on the boys... etc'

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

SenoritaViva Sorry I had to pop out.

Why don't you say, 'actually there are a number of reasons but I just don't want to get drawn into a long conversation about it as my answer will remain no'.

That's exactly what I was thinking of saying! Great minds and all. Just have to remember to not start giving reasons as that will give her something to argue about. I sort of usually end up doing that without realising and I need to get out of the habit.

I didn't want to ask people to look after my oldest while I have my dc2 either! It was a nightmare as my MIL just said no and I had no one else. I had one friend say "yeah don't worry we'll sort something out" and I didn't want to push for anything more concrete because I'm not a pushy person but then spent months worried that I would be going through labour alone as my DH would be at home with our toddler! So stressful. In the end my MIL did it, but only after she had made us sweat for months.

[SansaLannister]

'I suppose I am concerned that she is going to get me talking about my reasons, of which there are many, and then she will start disagreeing with them, it'll turn into an argument. I need to just repeat the "no I won't be able to do that" thing and not get drawn into it.

When we were talking and she dismissed my concerns about it being illegal it was obvious that she would dismiss any others I had as well. I might practice the conversation to myself (in private so I don't sound a bit weird obviously).'

She sounds like a straight up bitch, Whose. So what if you can in an argument about it? You said she's a 'friend-ish'. She's not your boss, your best friend, your puppy or kitten, your mother.

Why are you letting her boss you around like this, even dictating to you that she's going to 'pop round' after work to talk to you about it? No, you decide what and when you talk about.

If I were your partner I'd tell her to piss right off. If I were you I'd tell her to piss right off.

She's trying to use you to put an extra hundred quid per month in her pocket at your expense and you're even entertaining the idea of letting her?

She's not a friend, she's a using, manipulative, bossy bitch.

'No, that doesn't work for me. I don't want to get into the reasons why they are my business. I'm not interested in discussing this any further with you. Have a nice evening. Bye.'

[SansaLannister]

And NO 'sorry' or apologies. No mollycoddling her, either, with cups of tea. She's not even a real friend, a real friend wouldn't behave this way, anyhow.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

SansaLannister That made me laugh! You obviously feel strongly about this! Yes you are right I must not be bossed around. She has that sort of personality that thinks she is right and expects people to do what she says as that is what she usually gets in the work place. She has quite a bit of authority there.

When she talks it's in this sort of "I am right, I know best, don't disagree with me" sort of way. I must admit I did disagree with her about something recently and found it quite fun [evil emoticon]. She said something I knew was wrong and disagreed, so she said it again and I said very firmly that she was incorrect and mimicked her usual tone of voice. She backed down. Is it strange that I got satisfaction for that?

BTW I am not going to do it, just considered it briefly as I need the money, but also wondered about the amount which was why I started the thread. Oh and I told her not to come round today as I am too busy.

[SansaLannister]

I live to kick the arses of such people :o. The only ones entitled to have an 'It's my world, you're just living in it' attitude are cats.

Bet she hasn't got many friends with her attitude.

She pushes, you push right back. She's the one who's being rude here. Point it out to her if she gets arsey. It's rude to get arsey in someone else's home.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Mmm might do that . . .
"why are you getting arsey about it? You asked me if I'd like to do it and I said no, it's within my rights to do so and not within your rights to get arsey about that!"

[SenoritaViva]

Now that is MUCH better Eyebrows!

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Must now also practise this for my in-laws!

[Soups]

"I don't want to work for some one like you. You don't listen, you try to bully people into things, you argue, you don't appear to have any respect for my wishes and reasons. You'd be a FECKIN NIGHTMARE".

[SansaLannister]

Absolutely, Soups! Imagine the poor bastards who have to work for her and aren't in a position to tell her what they really think. You are in such a position, don't miss this chance to give her an attitude adjustment.

[hairylights]

If you don't want to do it I don't know why you are focussing on the money.

Just tell her you don't want to do it.

[StealthPolarBear]

well have you had the conversation?

[FairhairedandFrustrated]

I used to (very loosely) childmind - about 10 years ago, a very informal arrangement. I had the child from 9am to 5pm Mon - Fri and I was paid £40.

I hated it :( But grew attached to the child.

I decided to go back to uni & in November I told them I would stop minding when we broke for Christmas - that was a conversation on a Friday mid-November, so giving them about 6 weeks to find someone else.

They never brought the child back to me at all, their decision, but they were so rude to me I realised they never cared about me at all, they just wanted their child looked after for as little money as possible :(

So, say no. and mean it.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

FairhairedandFrustrated Oh my God! You childminded full time and got £40 a week!? Jesus. Not bringing the child back to you wasn't exactly in the best interests of the child was it! They must have wondered what the hell happened to you. That's very sad.

StealthPolarBear No I haven't. She hasn't called after I told them I was too busy today. Not sure when I will see her or speak to her. Have a feeling they may have realised I don't want to do it. Do you think it's rude that I haven't given them an answer? They haven't directly asked for one though.

hairylights Because I wanted to know if she was taking the piss out of me or not.

[Soups]

Not rude at all.

[SansaLannister]

Not rude. You don't owe her a thing.

[SenoritaViva]

Not rude, in fact you could just say 'no need to come around and chat about it because I've thought about it, and thanks so much for the offer but no, it's not what I'm looking for right now. See you soon. Byeeee'. A 6p phone call...

[SexualHarrassmentPandaPop]

Yeah I agree with above poster. Call her and tell her that you've thought you'd save her the journey to your house because you've thought about it and you've made your decision that for many reasons that you'd rather not go into it's not going to work for you. Then if she starts to protest you can have 'someone at the door' or something.