To think this is a not much money . . .

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Hi, a friend(ish) of mine has asked me to help out with childcare for her DS. She works full time and needs childcare covered before and after school mon-thurs every week for the forseable future.

I don't usually do anything like this as I really have my hands full with my own 2 dcs and have only recently been well enough to cope even with that (depression etc).

I don't want to do it for many reasons really, such as it making my life more difficult, I only just cope as it is, wouldn't be able to go out with my dcs after school, want to go back to work soon etc

But the thing I am wondering is that she offered me money to do it, and that's what she was using to persuade me. She offered £33 a week to cover the 11 hours, so £3 an hour. My DH thinks this isn't very much.

I just wondered what other people thought. It's a bit of a redundant question really seeing as I don't feel I can cope with another child for 2.5 hours a day but need the money so I suppose I would consider it more seriously if I didn't think it was a bit stingy.

Also how does that compare to if she were to use breakfast and afternoon clubs. Was wondering if she were just trying to save money by having me do it.

[eaglewings]

If you see his face again looking all sad replace it with the face a registered childminder who will not be bettor paid for those hours because your 'friend' has chosen to ignore the law
I'm not sure she is your friend as she is refusing to listen to your concern about it not being legal and she is forcing you to say yes to something you don't want to do
I'm sorry that won't work for me is all you need say if the word no is difficult to say :)

[cherrysodalover]

Well I think it is more about you don't want to do it so just say no.
I do know childminders who do work for this so i guess a friend offering that amount is not surprising as she may not be aware some people do charge more.
I just would not do it- where i live our local daycare charges the equivalent of 20 quid a day( inc food) but the average babysitter is 6 quid an hour.

It is a lot of responsibility.Just don't get into it.

[OTheHugeRaveningWolef]

OP, you've got a very simple get-out from this pushy woman. Tell her that childcare of more than 2 hours at a time, more than 14 times a year and between the hours of 2am and 6pm is defined by law as 'childminding' and as such in order to do this for her you'd need to register with OFSTED, pay them £100-odd a year for the privilege and go on a number of compulsory courses. And that this isn't really convenient for you.

[stealthsquiggle]

'I did mention the law thing initially and they both dismissed it as nonsense.'

They may think it is nonsense, but it is the law and you would be breaking it. Tell them so and be done with it.

[StealthPolarBear]

yes I agree
-You don't want to break the law
-You don't want to commit and therefore have to honour that commitment, day in, day out (no spontaneous trips to see friends after school - no time off for you when your DS goes to a friend's for tea)
-YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO :o

The cheek of this woman - not in asking but in refusing to take no for an answer

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

OTheHugeRaveningWolef It's an hour in the morning though and 1.5 in the afternoon except for one day where that is 2, so I don't think it fits does it. Or does 2 hours in one day count?

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

eaglewings She is a bit of a pushy woman. She says things in a "this is decided" way rather then asking opinions.

StealthPolarBear I don't think I even thought of that one! My dcs going to friends for tea, they do do that sometimes as me and a friend swap tea times. . . I have hers one day and a few weeks later she will have mine. The other one just goes home and puts their feet up!

[notlettingthefearshow]

Just don't do it - sounds like you're not even vaguely tempted.

[SansaLannister]

'I still feel guilty though! What's wrong with me! I keep thinking about the little boys face and imagine him all sad . . . '

That is her responsibility to sort out, not yours. Sounds like she and her husband earn a good living, too. They have one child who needs wraparound care, they can afford to pay a licensed minder. I'd prefer someone who is insured, licensed and will have arranged holidays and what not.

Their childcare problems are just that, theirs. You have your own problems, a job, a child with hospital visits, etc.

You don't owe her any explanation, justification or apology. Just 'No, that doesn't work for me.' Press re-play until she gets the message.

She's the one who should feel guilty about trying to take advantage of your better nature.

But pisstakers never do.

[OTheHugeRaveningWolef]

2 hours in one day counts. She's asking you to do a job for which the rules say clearly you need to be OFSTED registered.

Considering you'd need to be minding her brat little darling for 3 weeks before you even broke even on the OFSTED registration fee, let alone time lost/your childcare costs to do the training course required, I just don't see how it's in your interests to say yes.

[SansaLannister]

'eaglewings She is a bit of a pushy woman. She says things in a "this is decided" way rather then asking opinions.'

I can tell you right now she doesn't try that on with people who don't lie down and let her wipe her feet. Or she'd try that only once with such people and get a very clear response that they are not there to be used by her.

No bullshit about the law. She's already shown you she doesn't give a shit about it.

Just 'NO, that doesn't work for me.' 'No, you need to sort your own arrangements.' 'No, I'm not available for that.'

NO, NO, NO.

[happygilmore]

As everyone said - you need to register with ofsted to do this. You would also be classed as self-employed, have to register with HMRC and do a yearly self-assessment/pay tax on any earnings etc. Big penalties if you get caught dodging the system, so use that as your excuse..

[SexualHarrassmentPandaPop]

If you want to do it I guess you would have to slightly undercut qualified childminders in the area but personally I think it sounds a lot of work for 33 quid.

[SexualHarrassmentPandaPop]

OK read thread properly and seen that you don't want to do it but the mum is being pushy. Just tell her that you've investigated and you would be breaking the law so you'd rather not risk it (in an 'I can't believe you didn't know that' sort of voice if you can manage it ).

[betterwhenthesunshines]

It sounds like a lot of hassle for a very small return financially. You would be better off trying to do one evening a week paid babysitting, with your DH at home with your own children. 7-11pm = 4 hrs @ £8 p hr = £32. For sitting in someone else's house.... I would imagine there would be alot of people who would happily rather have an experienced mum as a babysitter, especialy for a youbger child. Maybe that's a way to go instead if you want a bit more cash but don't want a long term committment or anything that will be too disruptive for your after school time?

[SansaLannister]

I do major holiday babysitting: New Year's Eve, every weekend in December before Xmas, Valentine's Day, etc.

I offer pick up and drop off or overnight for mates' children. You can charge more like £7-£8/hour for that, or a set fee for overnight including food and bringing child back (in case the parents are still over the legal limit the next morning).

It's a terrific money-spinner and funded a lovely holiday for us.

[marriedinwhite]

Have you thought about looking on the bright side. She must think you are capable and nice if she wants you to look after her son. Either you want to do it for what she is offering and say yes, you don't want to do it at all and say no, you are prepared to do it for more money, in which case you can say, yes I will do it but my rate will be £4ph/or some other figure. Simples really.

[knittedbreast]

if you were not insulted by the money, would you accept?

I dont think you need to be a childminder to look after a friends children, its called helping each other out. if you are happy to, and she gives you money for the inconvenience theres no issue.

if its too little and you dont want to just say no

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

FGS woman, I've lost count of the number of times you've said 'I don't really want to do it' on this thread, so bloody well don't do it! If you give in, all that will happen is you'll start to resent her and you'll also hate yourself for letting yourself be walked over. Jusy say no - and revel in the empowering feeling it gives you.

[Inertia]

• You really don't want to do it and you do not feel you can cope with it.
  

• It would be illegal for you to do it, and if caught out there could be implications for you if you decide to apply for jobs in the future.
  

• it doesn't work with the arrangements you already have.
  

• for £33 a week, you could perhaps look into other work that would fit around your family commitments but doesn't involve you being taken advantage of.
  

This woman cannot make you look after her children!

[Soups]

Don't do it, you don't want to.

As a sahm I ended up (for free) picking up and looking after a friends child most days and it really started to piss me off. Then the child would end up knocking on my door in the morning. It would impact on what I could do after school, popping to the shops to get that loaf of bread, trip to the park became more difficult. If the money isn't good enough to cover the inconvenience then don't!! I got to the point where I thought it'd be nice to take the kids swimming then went oh... we have to take back...... and it was no longer worth it.

it probably doesn't seem that much to a parent asking for a favour. Or maybe they think they'll pay and it'll be "easy money" for you and cheap for you. They maybe thinking it's a win win for you both, seeing as you''re already just going that way.

In reality, you may only have the child for 2.5 hours, but the inconvenience and planning adds more to your day? Will they be early or late in the mornings, or just plain late in the afternoons, and how often? That can be a feckin nightmare, it's only 15 or 30 mins to them but when you add it into your hourly rate?

For my local childcare club, that does school pick up I pay,
Breakfast club - 7.30 until school drop off (includes piss poor breakfast) = £5.50
Afterschool club -school pick up until 6pm (includes simple but filling snack) =£9.
It's a flat fee, not an hourly rate. If we don't pick up at 6 pronto, there's a big fee, if we haven't contacted soon after then social services are called. After a very long career break I'm a "temp" and pay this for 2 children.

If she persists I think "I have a chronic medical condition and would love some affordable help myself" would shut her up.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

notlettingthefearshow I am slightly tempted but only for the extra money and that's not enough reason and not fair on the child.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop Hello again! (decided you're my new best friend . . . creepy or what?! Yes it seemed like a lot of work for the money to me as well.

betterwhenthesunshines & SansaLannister Yes I might consider the occassional babysitting thing. More likely though is that if I start doing more work it will be doing something that doesn't involve children. I have only so much energy in that area and would rather share it with my dcs.

marriedinwhite Yes I was surprised that she thought I was suitable. Not that I am a terrible mum or anything, really I am probably just quite critical of my parenting. It's good to know someone else doesn't think I am crap.

knittedbreast Would I accept if I wasn't insulted by the money? I don't know. I would be a hell of a lot more tempted. I would still forsee loads of problems and getting fed up with it pretty quick so would be better to say no anyway.

SoftKittyWarmKitty OK, preparing to feel empowered!

Soups So going by your local holiday club fees it would cost her £58 a week. So she was possibly looking to save around £100 a month using me. Hmm

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Well she said that she was going to pop in later on her way home from work to talk about it so . . .

I'll let you know how she takes it (slightly scared)

[SenoritaViva]

Don't be scared! 'No, I am a mother to 2 (is it two?) children, but I am not a childminder, it's not my chosen career and I simply cannot take on that extra responsibility. I am considering going back to work, but it will not be related to childcare'.
That is NOT unreasonable, therefore no reason to be scared. Other people don't get to choose our careers for us (yes, sometimes we are forced into jobs that we don't want to do, but generally that is never childcare because it is so challenging/specific/bit of a calling). If she continues to push you into it say 'look this is becoming quite awkward because I have explained that I cannot do this for you can we please not continue to talk about it, you will have to investigate other avenues'.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

SenoritaViva Yeah it's 2. She has 2 as well but I am not sure what childcare she is planning for the little one.

I suppose I am concerned that she is going to get me talking about my reasons, of which there are many, and then she will start disagreeing with them, it'll turn into an argument. I need to just repeat the "no I won't be able to do that" thing and not get drawn into it.

When we were talking and she dismissed my concerns about it being illegal it was obvious that she would dismiss any others I had as well. I might practice the conversation to myself (in private so I don't sound a bit weird obviously).