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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if any one likes and gets along with there mil

135 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 29/08/2011 22:34

i see alot of threads about MIL alot about problems and the poster dislike of the MIL I have no problem with these thread btw

Am I the Only one that likes and gets along with my MIL

OP posts:
2littlegreenmonkeys · 29/08/2011 23:10

I love my MIL, she is the most down to earth person I have ever met, apart from DH.
She doesn't judge, she instinctively knows if I need help when she comes round (I have been battling with mental health issues for a long time now and MIL just knows when I need help) She doesn't care about the state of the house when she visits. I would love to have the same sort of relationship with my mum as I do my MIL. My mum doesn't like me too much Sad as I am not the person she hoped I would be (i.e male and my brother) MIL likes me for me.

She is the only person I feel completely comfortable talking about my mental health problems with.

She brings me Wine as it is very rare that we have any spare cash to splash out on such yummy-ness.

Now step-FIL is another thread completely.

NasalCoffeeEnema · 29/08/2011 23:11

I get on with mine very well

Sariska · 29/08/2011 23:17

I do. She's from a different culture, ethnic background and religion but we get on very well. She is kind, welcoming, helpful with the DC (whilst always being concerned not to be interfering) and interesting to talk to.

I am very lucky. And one day I hope I'll be able to model my own MIL behaviour on hers.

TheFogsGettingThicker · 29/08/2011 23:20

I love both my in-laws to bits. They are lovely people and they are so kind, loving and helpful to me. They adore their GC too, see them often and help me out with them.

Unlike my own mother. Sad

Matronalia · 29/08/2011 23:31

I like my MIL, but we have had our ups and downs but have got to a very good place in our relationship now. Part of that is that she was there when I gave birth to DS (not planned that way) and got to hold DS when he was seconds old, which apparently makes me the best DIL ever Grin. One of my best memories is holding very new DS in the middle of the night whilst my mother, her partner and my MIL all sat and drank tea with me and reminisced about their own births and babies.

DH gets on better with my mum than I do and she sat with him in hospital for 6 hours last week when he was blue-lighted in and I was miles away with no transport or childcare.

Just wish I had a better relationship with my dad.

akaemmafrost · 29/08/2011 23:39

I thought I did until I left her abusive controlling ds and then she turned into a Grade A twat, meddling with decisions being made about dc etc. Made me realise she didn't feel she had to be nice to me anymore as she could now get access to dc through their dad without dealing with me. Unfortunately ex isn't as reliable as he could be and it may not work out the way she thinks. I won't forget though.

StealthPolarBear · 29/08/2011 23:41

Yes I love my MIL :)

I used to work with someone who worked with her MIL - she managed her! I always thought that was strange

jasper · 29/08/2011 23:46

I Love her

giggly · 29/08/2011 23:49

Nope, cant stand herwitch

OrganicFreeRangeBoys · 29/08/2011 23:55

I love my MIL. She's fab.

She put sugar on my 11 month old son's cereal when we stayed there, which we don't do at home! When I saw what she did an AIBU thread title popped up in my head!

"OMG my horrible mil poured sugar on my child's cereal, AIBU to ban her seeing the kids again?"

I didn't care though. She doesn't see the boys very often and a little bit of sugar won't hurt them. Plus I can't complain when the reason she is doing breakfast is so I can drink a hot cup of tea. Grin

FIL is pretty fab too!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 29/08/2011 23:58

Mine is fab. I love her to bits.

I think of her when I read some of these mil stories.

She came over to visit us (she lives in another country) when my eldest son was born - a few months after he was born, I think.

We don't speak the same language and my husband was working all hours, so we were on our own together. We managed to communicate just fine through a combination of wild gesturing and me keep saying the only sentence I knew, which was asking her if she wanted a cup of tea Grin

Anyway, I was feeding the baby, and he was not in a good mood. Next thing I know, my mil said something to me, put her arms out and beckoned for me to hand over the baby. I practically lobbed him at her I was that grateful Grin

She gestured for the milk, I handed it over and he settled in her arms like he was born in them!

I was so grateful and felt really supported and cared for by her. I do think how it would be put on AIBU though Grin, but I knew she was being helpful and I felt helped.

And she has had ten children, so she knows a thing or two Grin

Anyway - imo, much is in the interpretation. If you want to see a bad motive - you will do.

  • of course, if she gives you knicker elastic for christmas, then she's a cow and that's that Grin
theginganinja · 30/08/2011 00:18

I bloody love mine to bits, she's wonderfully girly, which I most definitely an NOT, amuses me no end. Her own MIL was a bloody nightmare though (she really was a cow to her, we spent a Christmas with her once and she was incredibly dismissive of MIL, really rude). As a result, I think, MIL is really conscious of not interfering too much or being too 'my precious boy' about dh. I get on better with her than I do my own mother.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 30/08/2011 00:33

I love my MIL. She is incredibly kind and welcoming to me, despite knowing that now DH and I are married he will probably never go back to live in her country and will probably have children she may never be able to speak to (I hope not but it is a risk). She stood up at my wedding in front of a crowd of people she'd just met, and gave a speech about how glad she was to have a new daughter, and she hugged me and took care of me when my own mum was being truly awful, even though she was ill and exhausted and struggling with a foreign country and a foreign language. And she raised my DH to be a good'un. And she is immensely chic and poised.

Smile
michelleseashell · 30/08/2011 00:48

Great thread.

I love mine. She's good hearted, fun and we can talk for hours!

I'm really lucky to have all my in laws as a bonus to getting married. They're a lovely family.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 30/08/2011 01:47

We had a very shaky start. I was the first in law in her large family and she's a control freak. Took about 5 years to really get to grips with each other but 6 years later we get on really well. She's utterly bonkers but lovely. Sees a lot of dd, has her once a week while I'm at work. Unfortunately that means I don't see much of her at the moment, which is a shame.

Bearskinwoolies · 30/08/2011 02:46

I love mine, she's a real sweetheart, can drink my dh under the table, and is the font of all sorts of useful/useless information. All my inlaws are fab, in fact (apart from his creepy uncle)

iscream · 30/08/2011 02:49

I love my mil and fil.

DecapitatedLegoman · 30/08/2011 03:10

My MIL is one of the most genuine, kind people you could meet. Although we've had our issues (that old issue of MIL moving in for a few days when a baby arrives) her intentions are always good. Sadly she's really unwell and we don't know how long we'll be able to enjoy her company :(

BigFatSpider · 30/08/2011 03:33

My MIL drives me insane a lot of the time - we're very different people from very different backgrounds. I suspect I drive her equally mad, which is exactly how it should be Wink

Every time she says or does something with DS that goes against my every instinct, I bite my tongue - she may make me want to stab myself in the thigh with a teaspoon, but she loves me and is only acting on her own instinct - it doesn't make it any less valid than mine even if it's wrong. She loves her DS and she loves her DGS. She will only ever try to help, whether it's clumsy or not, and is kind, patient and generous. She doesn't judge me and respects me and my family unit with her DS. I often wonder what on earth she thinks of me, but she's too polite to say!

So yes, she often drives me to distraction but I love my Milly dearly :)

Oh, and she buys me shoes! Grin

PiousPrat · 30/08/2011 06:25

My MIL is fabulous. She (and my much missed FIL) didn't bat an eye when DP told her that at 24 he was in a long distance relationship with a student single parent with 2 DC, which I think an awful lot of parents would be wary of (DP was doing very well for himself and I was worried they might think I was after his money).

Since DP and I lived 300 miles apart for the first 4 years of our relationship, I didn't see the ILs much, only the odd meet up for a pub lunch when I was up visiting, but we got on well enough. When FIL died suddenly at the start of this year I was still living 300 miles away, but came up to support DP. I ended up staying at her house for 2 weeks and despite the horrible circumstances, we got on a treat. She was only saying today that she can't get over how well I have fitted into the family and how lovely it was that DNephew dotes on DS2 and is loving having older cousins.

I am pregnant with DS3 now, the only one of mine to be her blood grandson and if everything said so far is any indication, she will be a fab MIL and Granny. She has made it clear that all my DC will be treated the same by her, as it isn't fair on them to do any different, while at the same time acknowledging that the eldest 2 have another set of grandparents so she is always very cautious not to tread on their toes (not that it matters since we don't see them).

She isn't in the best health, but we are hoping to have many a good year with her yet. She is my drinking buddy at family gatherings!

Foxy800 · 30/08/2011 06:44

Im not married yet but am engaged and get on fantastically with dp's Mum and his step mum.

babybarrister · 30/08/2011 06:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alwaysworthchecking · 30/08/2011 07:07

babybarrister, that sounds like mine! I used to find her house oppressively clean and tidy, but now I see it as a little oasis. (Not that mine's a tip, but it does have dc and I don't have OCD, which I fear poor mil is genuinely on the brink of.)

She's very different to me and totally different to my mum. At first I found that hard, but now I rather like that they offer and require different things. She's given to opening her mouth and stating random opinions as fact. Again, I found that hard (especially when my pfb was tiny), but now I know that's just what she does, her pronouncements usually make me laugh (not at her or at the time, obviously - that would be unkind). She's all heart, really, but with a scattergun gob. She can be completely exasperating, but I love her dearly and look forward to seeing her. Now I've got to know her, I wouldn't have her any different.

cricketballs · 30/08/2011 07:26

I usually comment on mil threads as some of them just seem the worlds gone mad!

I get on very well with my pil and speak to mil for more often than DH does but it wasn't always the case. As my dh is an only child she didn't want to let go that easy, but when she realised that I wasn't going anywhere our relationship bloomed.

It is not the perfect relationship and I often fall out with fil as we have very different views on the world, but it is done with 'love' and no hatred enters the atmosphere.

As another poster has said in this thread, your ils just may do things/think things that are different but not wrong and it a good thing that these variations come together as the world would just be boring if everyone had the same views, the same way of doing things.

Don't forget, that your ils managed to raise your dh/dp (and you love them) so they can't be wrong in everything!

redexpat · 30/08/2011 07:26

I love mine. She understands practical considerations like when there's a family party and there are left overs to be eaten, she will ask me to take some, but when I say, ooh not sure we've got space in the fridge actually - is it ok if I just take this little bit? She understands. Also backs me up when FIL or DH suggest something really impracticable. Also never comes over unless invited, has rescued us on several occasions (car broke down in minus 8, sewers flooded our nearly refurbished basement) and never says a bad word about anyone.