Not to give my baby equipment to a smoker?

[Mrsgilbertgrape]

I actually know ianbu but have just had a mouthful of the mum involved.

Woman in question has just had a baby and asked our mutual friend for use of my baby things (friends baby 6m younger than mine so she has been using a lot of my things and due to get them back soon), friend told this woman she would have to ask me first as I am hoping for another baby as well.

Just seen the woman at nursery and she asked for the bumbo/bouncy chair/play mat and Moses basket as she can't afford them. I told her no as I know she smokes around her children and I would be unwilling to use my own things after her as I hate the smell of smoke and would worry about the health risks.

I was then called a stuck up cow and told she did not want my skanky things anyway

To which I very childishly replied that if her and her dh did not smoke 60 fags between them each day she would be able to provide for her own child

I know what they smoke everyday because she takes great pleasure in telling everyone how all the doctors are wrong as none of her dc have health problems with her and her dh smoking around them all the time.

This is not a anti smoking thread, I hate people smoking round children but there are worse things a parent can do but surely I have the right to decide if I want my own things that I might need again reeking of smoke or not!

[AlpinePony]

YABU for saying "give" when you meant "lend".

[Mrsgilbertgrape]

The reason I told her why is because she knows I have already lent them once so am not precious about it, also I am not even pregnant yet so would not need the things until she had finished so I would have been lying if I used that excuse.

I don't agree with her smoking around the baby and don't see the problem with telling her the truth, I was not rude or aggressive to her. If she had 5 hairy dogs I would have told her that she was not getting them either.

[MoominsAreScary]

Yanbu I lent all ds1 things to 2 very good friends, never got them back

It might have been better to say she couldn't borrow them as you'd allready promised them to someone else, would have saved the arguing and glaring

[johnthepong]

I just think it sounds a bit sanctimonious saying "oh you are a dirty smoker, you cant have my baby things", I think perhaps a little white lie could have been called for here!!

I totally understand about why you didnt want to lend her them- I once got a load of clothes off freecycle from a smoking household and no amount of washing could get rid of that smell; but I perhaps would have broken it to her a little more gently!

[PrincessScrumpy]

My parents both smoke - not in the house - but when dd visits them mum will wash her clothes to help, but they still smell of smoke so I wash them again anyway as I hate the smell.

My parents do acknowledge the smell and would understand completely, even as smokers themself - they know both my brother and I are very anti.

Mind you, I would never ask anyone to borrow their stuff, except for a very close friend who mentioned she didn't want anymore babies and needed to get rid of some things. I asked if I could have her bouncer, but offered money for it, which she declined.

[mumeeee]

YNBU.

[ChippingIn]

YANBU Who wants their baby things smelling of smoke?

Do all of the posse smoke? If not, ask the non smoker if she would be happy to have all her baby things reeking of smoke.

Do people often actually ask to borrow loads of stuff from people who aren't even friends??

I would ask a very good friend if I could borrow something I either wanted to try or would only be used a little bit by a tiny baby, but nothing that would show wear. I wouldn't dream of asking someone I barely know or asking for loads of stuff. The rudeness of some people!

I think I actually admire you for telling her why not - I would have wimped out and said I'd already promised them to someone else.

[Tanith]

It may have been tactless to say why but, to be honest, I'm struggling to appreciate this woman's tact in calling the OP a stuck-up cow and her things skanky. Good job the OP had a suitable retort handy.

YANBU, this woman sounds rude, greedy and entitled beyond belief.

[olibeansmummy]

YANBU and she was cheeky to even ask!

[hannahsmummsy]

even if she didnt smoke it is your baby stuff and you can choose what to do with it , as it is not cheap xx

[ApocalypseCheeseToastie]

YANBU, us non smokers have a more sensitive nose I reckon.

[limetrees]

YANBU at all.

I am chuckling at you telling her it was because she was a smoker though. I would have said that you are lending to a relative or some other little white lie. OTOH, at least you had the guts to tell her the truth!

PMSL about if she gave up smoking, she could provide for her child. True!

Perhaps a member of her posse could lend her the required items.

[Mrsgilbertgrape]

It actually never crossed my mind to say they were going elsewhere, that would have been a easier reply I suppose. Will keep that in mind if I am ever in that situation again!

Back from school now and I just got plenty of dirty looks from them.

[SouthernFriedTofu]

Why haven't any of her posse offered?! Maybe because she stinks. What has she done with her old baby things?

[GloriaVanderbilt]

I also have a posse that glares and giggles at me. TBH they are a bunch of c*nts anyway so I just accept it as par for the course.

I think it's because I muttered something when one of them was tearing strips of her little boy once. Not sure if it was worth it, probably had no impact whatsoever.

[Eglu]

YANBU at all. I also think it is very rude to ask for things. If people offer to lend you things that is fine, but to ask is just rude.

[southmum]

YANBU if you will use them again, or want to sell the stuff on to get a bit of cash.

You do sound a bit stuck up tho tbh

[Smellslikecatpee]

Can I just clarify, she asked, you said no, did you then offer it was because she was a smoker, or did she ask why and then shouting and yelling.

either was it's up to you who you loan things to

But offering 'cause you're a smoker was rude (but true )

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

YANBU because she doesn't sound very nice.

otoh maybe you are a stuck up cow, in which case you're as bad as each other on this. Mentioning that you'd worry about the health risks of using a Bumbo that's been in a smoker's home is a bit daft and I imagine you got her back up.

[sjuperwolef]

what a grabby cow she sounds! just because you have lent them out to one person she expects them aswell? what are you a walking nct stall?!

i can totally see why you didnt want to give them to her with regards to smoking, my sister offered me some of my nieces things and i declined due to the fact she smokes (luckily what she offered wasnt to my taste anyway and im sure she'll manage to sell them on at some point)

[HappyMummyOfOne]

YANBU, if she cant afford to provide things for a baby then maybe they should have waited until they could support a child rather than hope everyone else would. I wouldnt borrow baby items to a smoker either if I needed them back after and surely a smoker would understand that.

[springboksaplenty]

Aw schucks. Came on here all ready to get my rant on because people are being all midget pants about a smoker and refusing to give her something just because she smokes.

Instead what I get is someone being entirely reasonable that they don't want to lend someone baby things as when they get it back it will reek of smoke.

Spoil sport.

[Scholes34]

I don't think it was tactless to say the reason why you wouldn't lend your kit. Ebay sellers state whether an item comes from a non-smoking house or not, holiday accommodation specifies whether it's non-smoking or not. Anything exposed to smoke will be affected and it's not like the smoker's only being made aware of this fact for the first time.

[girlywhirly]

YANBU, they are your things to do with as you wish. I can't believe the cheek of the woman: actually I can, because it didn't make her think about her smoking costing so much, and I think even if you had made an excuse about a relative needing them she would still have been sulky. Even if you'd said you were selling them she would have expected you to give them to her - selfish to the last.