To not encourage DS (2.8) to have sweets at a party.

[larks35]

DS was invited to a party which he and I went to recently. He's never had sweets and we never have them in the house. I don't have a problem if he wants them at other people's houses but I don't want to be the one to introduce sweets to him. DP is more anti-sweets than I am and doesn't allow his mum to give them to DS (my parents wouldn't as my dad was a dentist).

Anyway we were at this party and in the process of a good old-fashioned game of pass the parcel DS gets a lolly, he inspected it then gave it to me and I put in down. A few more goes later and he gets a bag of fizzy things, this time DS gives me the sweets then asks me for a banana, I tell him that maybe he can have something later (no bananas with me). The lovely mum hosting the party came and gave DS some raisons and he was fine.

However, after the games were over, I had several mums come up and ask if DS had allergies or something wrong that meant he couldn't have sweets! I just explained that he had never had them and didn't know what they were. I then felt distinctly uncomfortable with some of these mums, I felt as though they were thinking I was some sort of sanctamonial cow for not giving sweets to my DS. I also felt from some of the comments that they were feeling as though my decision not to give sweets to DS was a judgement on them and it wasn't! Not in the least!

I'm a bit gutted to be honest as I rarely get to meet other mums from my DS's childminder friends and I think they now see me as something I'm not, just cos I didn't unwrap the lolly and stuff it in his mouth!

[bumbleymummy]

'introducing' as in giving to them to eat. The eldest would know they are sweets. The youngest wouldn't.

[exoticfruits]

That is what I said in the first place!

[vanfurgston]

YANBU. i never had sweets as a child (still dnt). my dad is very sensitive about teeth and has passed that onto us. i didnt miss out on anything. plus my mouth is caries free so YAY.

[bumbleymummy]

No, you said you would have to be very controlling to keep them away from him. Sorry if I misunderstood you but I thought you were suggesting that any 5 yo who was given a packet of sweets during pass the parcdl would have to have them taken away by a controlling parent to stop them eating them and I was just saying that it isn't always the case. I think the OP was saying that she wouldn't actively I've the child sweets if he wasn't asking for them and neither would I.

[bumbleymummy]

Give not I've - autocorrect!

[exoticfruits]

I was just saying that it is quite understandable that a 2 yr old doesn't know what they are and isn't bothered. It is highly unlikely that a 5 yr old doesn'tknow (unless he is at home all the time)-in which case you would have to be very controlling to always remove them.
In pass the parcel the DC just handed them over. I think that if a 5yr old won them and everyone else was eating them you would have to actively take them away and at the very least say 'you can save them until later'.

[Thumbwitch]

bumbley - just one point - the fructose in fruit sugar isn't that different from refined sugar, because sucrose (refined sugar) is made up from a molecule of glucose and one of fructose, joined together. When sucrose is digested, it is broken down in the small intestine to its component parts of fructose and glucose and absorbed into the bloodstream. Fructose itself can be converted into glucose, or converted into sorbitol. An excess of fructose in the diet is no better than an excess of sucrose of glucose. Of course there are other compononents to fruit sugars, more complex structures (fructo-oligo-saccharides, for example) but they aren't processed by our guts anyway, they are left for our gut bacteria to have a feast upon.

[Whatmeworry]

Thumbwitch shhhhh....fruit is Good, sweets are Bad. If you go around telling the UberMummies it's the same thing then the poor kids will just get carrots and celery to munch on, and think of the consequences!

[SuePurblybilt]

DD doesn't eat sweets and she only worked out what a lolly was this summer (she's five next month). She hands them to me and I eat them. She's decided that sweets and fizzy drinks are bad for your teeth and won't have them, don't even think she's tried them I do get lots of looks at parties or fetes when people give her haribo or chupa chups and she refuses or hands them to me.

She can pack away the chocolate buttons though

[Whatmeworry]

Thumbwitch re Ishoos I have observed these things:

• loads more kids with ishoos
  

• loads more scares about food purity and I'm pretty certain that ingredients used today are more artificial
  

- an obsession with cleanliness that didn't occur 3 decades ago

• that you can often just tell which kids will have "ishoos" by watching the mother

[aldiwhore]

OP my kids DO have sweets, in moderation but I don't think YABU... you don't want to introduce them to him and that's fair enough, but if he DID show an interest would you allow him the occassional sweety?

I guess if you wouldn't, I'd say be careful with the forbidden fruit, if you would allow it (with education about what they actually are) then I'd have no issue. Its really not my business to say what you should or shouldn't do though!

[SuePurblybilt]

Please scatter full stops over my post as I failed to add any.

TSC, yes, my DD has made her own mind up too. Luckily I like haribo very much. Sweet of Kings, innit?

[superv1xen]

OP i really feel for you because i am the same with my DC (5 and 2.3)

they very rarely have sweets, crisps, biscuits etc and neither of them so much as tried things like that until they were about 2. and now its a very rare treat. but they think that things like raisins, yogurt, banana's are treats and they are more than happy with them.

and as a result they both have perfect teeth (compared to some of my friends DC teeth which are shocking) and are also genuinely very well behaved and chilled which i am sure is a result of not having sugar and e numbers.

however, my friends and family seem to find it a bit strange and almost imply that i am being "mean" to my DC by not giving them junk food. some of them even try to give them stuff when i am not looking almost to wind me up (esp grandparents and ILs - don't even get me started lol) and it pisses me off big time.

[Funtimewincies]

I was about to rant about the 'raisins are really bad for you' outdated twaddle but, thanks to Bumbles sensible explanation I can let my blood pressure go back down again. A couple of newpaper articles, several years ago, and suddenly everyone's an expert .

OP - your child didn't have an issue with not eating the sweets, so I'd calm down a bit and stop over-analysing what the other parents think. You and you dh are in agreement, end of story.

[superv1xen]

genuinely - i meant generally

[HorridCold]

I have never kept sweets from DD (2.3), but she is really not fussed about them. She likes crisps more (like wotsits and quavers), but she only ever has these at the weekend and even then only eats two or three. She'd much rather play than eat (probably why she's so teeny!) and really isn't bothered.

Her Grandad turned up at our house ladened with several chocolate bars (suitable for her age), like milkybar etc. In the end we had to throw them out because they sat in the fridge for months and went out of date. But I know that DD's friends (she has 3 the same age) all eat chocolate and sweets.

DD is getting a liking for ice-cream though...

[Funtimewincies]

Sorry, I meant thumbwitch's response to bumbley .

[summertimeblews]

poor kid, its a party ffs! you are storing up a lot of trouble there

btw there is plentyof sugar in fruit and milk

[Funtimewincies]

Oh ignore me, I'm getting all my posters mixed up .

Suffice to say that the 'raisins are bad for your teeth' thing was debunked a while ago as fructose behaves differently on the teeth (largely removed by saliva) to sucrose (remains and builds up plaque).

[OriginalPoster]

YANBU Your child gave them to you, which was fair enough. Many sweets would look like pieces of plastic if you didnt know what they were! Btw what was in the party bag?

We don't buy sweets as part of the food shop, but they get them when other people give them, and then they are really pleased and say thank you because sweets are exciting when they are not normally around. They are old enough now to go out by themselves with pocket money to the sweet shop. So they are occasional treats, rather than part of a normal day. At birthdays I wrap up a box of celebrations which we share.

I think drinking water, milk or tea is really good for teeth. Our dcs almost never have anything else except for at other people's houses and none of the 4 of them have ever had a filling.

[usingapseudonym]

You give your children tea? That's another big issue....

[Morloth]

YANBU, if he isn't interested and you don't make a fuss about him not having them, then no harm done I reckon.

I was a bit like that with DS1, I didn't offer junk food but didn't mind if he had it.

However, DS2 screams bloody murder if DS1 is having something and it doesn't look like he is getting any and big softy that DS1 is, he gives him a bit of everything. So DS2 has had a rather earlier introduction into pretty much everything.

[vanfurgston]

tea esp in uk has a high flouride content and if u add milk its a good source of calcium