To not encourage DS (2.8) to have sweets at a party.

[larks35]

DS was invited to a party which he and I went to recently. He's never had sweets and we never have them in the house. I don't have a problem if he wants them at other people's houses but I don't want to be the one to introduce sweets to him. DP is more anti-sweets than I am and doesn't allow his mum to give them to DS (my parents wouldn't as my dad was a dentist).

Anyway we were at this party and in the process of a good old-fashioned game of pass the parcel DS gets a lolly, he inspected it then gave it to me and I put in down. A few more goes later and he gets a bag of fizzy things, this time DS gives me the sweets then asks me for a banana, I tell him that maybe he can have something later (no bananas with me). The lovely mum hosting the party came and gave DS some raisons and he was fine.

However, after the games were over, I had several mums come up and ask if DS had allergies or something wrong that meant he couldn't have sweets! I just explained that he had never had them and didn't know what they were. I then felt distinctly uncomfortable with some of these mums, I felt as though they were thinking I was some sort of sanctamonial cow for not giving sweets to my DS. I also felt from some of the comments that they were feeling as though my decision not to give sweets to DS was a judgement on them and it wasn't! Not in the least!

I'm a bit gutted to be honest as I rarely get to meet other mums from my DS's childminder friends and I think they now see me as something I'm not, just cos I didn't unwrap the lolly and stuff it in his mouth!

[bumbleymummy]

I dont understand why people think not giving sweets at a young age is a big deal. No one has said they are banning them for life. Do people honestly think that not allowing a young child to eat sweets is setting them up for a life of eating disorders? Really?

[vanfurgston]

bananas r not the worst food for teeth. after eatin 1 banana u wud probably feel full and not eat continuously for a half an hr or so as happens with sweets.
i have not known kids to eat 1 sweet and stop.
Journey where did u get that statistic from i have never heard about bananas being the lead cause for tooth decay and i dont agree with it at all

[exoticfruits]

I don't think that you want to make sweets a big deal. Mine had them and they all have perfect teeth. I also don't see why the 2 yr old not being used to them is a big deal.

[MoominsAreScary]

Yanbu if he wasn't interested in the sweets why give him them

[hocuspontas]

Why did he want a banana in the middle of this riveting game?

[Journey]

But the irony is raisins stick to teeth and bananas are one of the worst food items for decay in kids' teeth nowadays?

I think the ban on sweets is way over the top. Too much fruit isn't good either. Everything in moderation is the best approach.

[porcamiseria]

thumbwitch

i am basing my history on

chitty chitty bang bang and mary poppins
victorian books, ye olde sweet shoppe and all that
people ate mead and honey in the old days right? thats sweet!

err thats about it....

[bumbleymummy]

Thanks thumbwitch. It was the quick absorption into the bloodstream that I had read about that made it different to fructose. Our recent over consumption of products containing sucrose and other sweeteners seems to be linked to quite a few health issues.

I know it's unrealistic to avoid those things for life but I don't see the point in introducing them to children. My DS1 saves his money up for Lego sets rather than rushing out to spend it on sweets. He doesn't know much about them and doesn't care. The added bonus is that he has healthy teeth (despite loving raisins and dried apricots!).We just make sure he brushes regularly. Not sure I agree with the idea of a raisin bring worse for teeth that those wham bar/refresher type things.... I did eat them when I was younger and remember them practically gluing my teeth together!

[vanfurgston]

yeah they do hence moderation and reduced frequency is key. some dried fruits have a particularly sticky tendency raisins being one of them.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

We dont ban any kind of foods, banning or heavily restricting foods simply leads to eating problems in future in most people.

[Thumbwitch]

vanfurgston - all good points except that raisins (in particular) do stick to the teeth etc.

[Thumbwitch]

porca - sweets as we know them haven't been around for all that long in evolutionary terms though. DId you know that in the 18th and 19th Century they used to colour boiled sweets with different compounds of arsenic and other toxic metals? tended to kill off the clientele though...

[vanfurgston]

*gums gus

[vanfurgston]

fruits do have sugars (not as high as sweets still) but its also the consistency of the food that matters. sticky sweets and chocolates take a longer time to clear from the mouth so are much worse than fruits. also fruits have roughage and vitamins/minerals much better nutritional value. also the roughage stimulates the periodontium so keep gus healthy

[KaraStarbuckThrace]

DS (3.8) has been offered sweets on many occasion and has refused them. He does like flumps though. And he loves chocolate.
He also only drinks water or milk, again he has been offered juice/squash and refused them.
We do have ongoing battles to get him to eat his veg though.

OP You are not be unreasonable, plenty of time to get into sweets when he is older!

[porcamiseria]

I think a little of everything in moderation is OK< sweets have been eaten by kids for many many years, so you need to maybe chill a teensy bit out, if I saw a mum at a party take away sweets and give kid banana I'd be like WTF!!!!

you sound quite nice BTW, but am being honest!!!

[Thumbwitch]

this is a nice explanation of how tooth decay happens - the bacteria in the plaque will happily use fructose for energy, either from sucrose or from fruit sugars, resulting in the production of lactic acid which creates the cavities in the teeth.

Sorry fruit lovers!

[usualsuspect]

YABU

[Poweredbypepsi]

I allow my children sweets etc, but if they handed it to me and didnt want it i would have done the same as you. Its not strange at all if he didnt want it.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Yes, if the raisins are as bad sweets thing is a myth it has bypassed the dentists I work for who hate them

[differentnameforthis]

You do know, dentally speaking, that raisins are as bad as sweets, don't you?

[vanfurgston]

tea esp in uk has a high flouride content and if u add milk its a good source of calcium

[Morloth]

YANBU, if he isn't interested and you don't make a fuss about him not having them, then no harm done I reckon.

I was a bit like that with DS1, I didn't offer junk food but didn't mind if he had it.

However, DS2 screams bloody murder if DS1 is having something and it doesn't look like he is getting any and big softy that DS1 is, he gives him a bit of everything. So DS2 has had a rather earlier introduction into pretty much everything.

[usingapseudonym]

You give your children tea? That's another big issue....

[OriginalPoster]

YANBU Your child gave them to you, which was fair enough. Many sweets would look like pieces of plastic if you didnt know what they were! Btw what was in the party bag?

We don't buy sweets as part of the food shop, but they get them when other people give them, and then they are really pleased and say thank you because sweets are exciting when they are not normally around. They are old enough now to go out by themselves with pocket money to the sweet shop. So they are occasional treats, rather than part of a normal day. At birthdays I wrap up a box of celebrations which we share.

I think drinking water, milk or tea is really good for teeth. Our dcs almost never have anything else except for at other people's houses and none of the 4 of them have ever had a filling.