To tell my DS he can't change his mind

[heathermumof3]

My DS is turning 8 on Friday. He has said he wanted a new geared bike. I have told him that they are expensive (money is tight) and if he wants a bike then there will be nothing more.

Come today I told him we were going to get a bike. He then got upset and said he wants lots of little presents now. At the time he wanted to go to his friends house. I asked him a few times if he was sure and he said yes. I told him he could not changed his mind as time is running out and I had to go and get his presents now.

So I have come back from argos with lots of little presents like he wanted. He has not seen them. But my DS has now said he only said that he did not want a bike because he wanted to go to his friend.

AIBU to say tuff he made his decision earlier or should I take the presents back to the shop and get him bike tomorrow. I can not afford to get the presents and the bike.

[heathermumof3]

I think it was down too wanting to go to his friends than go for a bike. He struggles making decisions. I don't think I am going to have time to take them back and get a bike unless I get time of work. My own fault for leaving it last minute.

A hot bath sounds good. And might sneak in a small baileys. Even in a school night

[heleninahandcart]

Ok if he is having a party he will get lots of small presents? As life lessons go, you will be upset if he doesn't have the bike and you will crumple at the faintest sign of disappointment with any of the little presents. Its a tough one, but speaking from experience you will probably end up getting the bike anyway at some point . Also its now still summer with time to play out..

So, against my better judgement but with the benefit of hindsight it might be back to Argos for you? IMO a bike and only a bike is a better lesson (as he will see that the bike meant other sacrifices but it was worth it) than lots of small presents and no bike. Next time, any choice is between 'x' or 'y', that's it.

[LynetteScavo]

I would take the smaller stuff back and get him the bike, but not say anything to him about it.

Are there grandparents who can get him one of the smaller presents?

[BlueFergie]

Oh it is a difficult one, but I would be pissed off enough to say sorry tough luck they are bought now.

I think its the hassle of it all that would annoy me the most. Having to take them all back and then go out again for the bike. You did warn him so you would be fair to say the bike will have to wait for Christmas.

[thisisyesterday]

if you don't have time to go and change the presents thten don't.

christmas isn't that far off, and it won't hurt him to find that he has to stick to decisions sometimes!

if you DO have time to swap them, without having to have time off work then do that. But don't put yourself out to do it.

you aren't a shit mum. like others have said, treating your children equally is not the same as treating them identically. they aren't the same child, they have different needs and wants and as such they don't have to have the same all the time :)

i hope he has a nice birthday whatever he gets :)

[Andrewofgg]

Stand firm. At 8 he is old enough.

[heathermumof3]

So after a pep talk with DH I am going to stick with the presents. Going to wrap them tonight so I can't change my mind.

It's tough he will have to learn. Had my bath and a can of coke (run out of alcoho ) so feel a little better now.

Being a mum is the best thing ever but also the hardest thing. The emotional side is the hardest thing for me I think. I constantly feel like I'm letting them down. Even when I an not but i don't think I am only one who thinks like this from time to time.

[FlyMeToTheMooncup]

YANBU, he's old enough to have responsibility for his decision and he had plenty of opportunity to think about it, as you clearly kept checking with him.

It's not that long til Xmas, and it'll help him learn to think about his decisions in a longer term way and not be as impulsive :)

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

That's the spirit (or sadly not for you tonight)!!

At 8 years old, it is time for him to learn that when he's given the opportunity to make a choice he has to stick with his decision - unless it's something trivial such as choosing between a banana and an orange and then changing his mind before it's unpeeled.

As long as you're doing the best you can for your dc there's no way you're letting them down, but it's all to easy too question our judgement when we're juggling multiple demands on our time and money.

In the absence of alcohol, a comforting cup of hot cocoa and an early night will restore your equilibrium ready for more plate spinning tomorrow but can't you send dh to the offy?

Happy birthday to your ds for Friday.

[rhondajean]

You know, when you are 7 you dont have a great grip of economics. You dont always understand that one bike = ten smaller presents the way that we do (based on the cost). You just see a huge pile of exciting presents waiting for you. Therefore to a 7 year old ten presents = ten bikes (or something, not that you would buy ten bikes, but you get what I mean!!)

Im sure he will love them. You are not a crap mum, you are realising that your children are individuals and treating them as such. And if you made it clear to him that he had to decide then what he was getting, you are most definitely NBU to hold him to it.

[CardyMow]

I must be REALLY mean. If any of my dc had done that even at 5/6yo - a) They certainly wouldn't be getting the smaller presents swapped for a bike, and b) If they got mardy on the day, I'd probably warn them once that they should be appreciative that they HAVE presents, and if they don't start being grateful, those smaller presents would be taken away. And I'd bloody well follow through with it as well.