Help settle an argument

[ReindeerBollocks]

DH and I currently rowing discussing wedding stuff.

When holding a reception (at swish venue) do you let guests choose the menu or set a menu for them?

I have been to several weddings which when having a wedding breakfast, have a set menu. Have also been to Weddings which have had a choice (when sent out with invites)

DH has been to one wedding. They had a buffet.

He believes that our guests should all get a choice of food.

I did agree, but now we've only got less than three weeks to plan this, I think we should just set a menu.

Who is right?

(BTW we are taking this seriously - you choose his choice I'll be ringing guests this evening!)

[InstantAtom]

In all the weddings I've ever been to, there has never been a choice of food.

You don't "order" food at a wedding, you eat what the hosts kindly give you.

[supadupapupascupa]

good tip! write on the back of everyone's place cards what meals they have ordered if you give a choice. initials will do. it not only reminds the guest, but is very helpful to the waiting staff too especially if people have been drinking!

[squeakytoy]

My stepdaughter got married last year. There were three options on the menu. She put an insert of this into the invitations and asked people to make their choices when they RSVP'ed.

Out of the few she had to chase up, one of them was her own father.. typically!!!

[InstantAtom]

Set menu every time.

You're hosting a dinner, not running a restaurant.

[biscuitmad]

When you send out the invites you must clearly state a date, that they need to reply to let you know if they are coming. Its usually a month before the day otherwise you could end up with too many meals. For instance we had three meals and it wasted £60 people didnt come.

On the invite you need to say please let me know if you are a vegetarian.

We did a set meal and had three vegetarian meals, and seven children meals. The kids meals was the same as the adults but smaller portions.

If you ask people what they want it will get complicated. People will change their mind, forget what they ordered, not want it on the day. Its more fun to leave it as a suprise and saves alot of hassle.

[eurochick]

I've only ever had a choice when the reception has been in a hotel. I guess it's easier when the kitchen has restaurants to deal with as well where the non-used ingredients can be put to use. We had caterers at a small stately home and had a set meal (but accommodated all manner of special requirements).

[DrPolidori]

Northern, you are right. After much trial and error, I can pretty well bang on guess the amount of veggie/non veggie is chosen (which encompasses meat eaters choosing veggie)

[DrPolidori]

Christening party?

[ReindeerBollocks]

Dr Polidori - I really appreciate your advice (and if I am ever crazy enough to organise another party I shall PM you!!)

[northerngirl41]

Depends on how many people you have - to get 300 meals out all at the same time is quite some feat and therefore the caterer needs to know in advance what everyone is eating.

If you have say up to 20 people, it's actually no greater than a large restaurant meal and therefore everyone can just pick off the menu and the chef can rustle up whatever.

The middle ground of letting people choose on the day is slghtly risky as let's say the choice is beef/chicken/veggie and you have 300 guests - it's very unlikely that 100 will each choose beef, 100 chicken, 100 veggie so you'll end up with some disappointed guests. The caterers might build in some over-supply so that they cook maybe 150 of each dish, but you'll be paying for this flexibility.

[DrPolidori]

sorry, I meant a warm and hearty stew!

[DrPolidori]

In my gaff I make lack of choice a virtue. One meat and one veg each night, but they are always a complete contrast to each other, so they are genuine choices, I never do faux versions of the main (apart from the burgers, where I do a mean chick, chiilli and coriander burger).

So if the meat main is a warm and hearty soup, the veg main will be something completely different. I aim to make it less of a meat/veg choice and more of a dining choice.

[supadupapupascupa]

well I don't really like the set menu where no options at all. When we were hunting for venues, they all gave every guest an option for each course and we had to let the venue know near the day how many of each meal to provide.
Pain in the bum to get people to come back with their choices, but everyone was happy.
Never not had the choice tbh.

[DrPolidori]

Grrh! Now I have got all excited and have been planning your menu in my head!

Sigh! Taking a month off and I am getting cooking withdrawal!

[Red2011]

With just three weeks - as shodan says set menu (taking on board any special dietary requirements). Enjoy & congratulations! x

[TheOriginalFAB]

Set menu but cater for vegetarians. That is what we did.

We really should have had the meal first as a try out...

[GnomeDePlume]

Set menu. I like your choice though would agree about seeing if it is possible to have a fruit salad. This would then cover anyone who cant/wont eat eggs (I'm a cant and know plenty of wonts).

[AngelDelightIsIndeedDelightful]

It never even occurred to me that it was possible for guests to have a choice. When we got married 7 years ago the hotel just wanted a meat option and a veggie option.

If the hotel are happy to provide choices then I would probably go for that as it'll save you getting earache from anyone who doesn't like your choice! Your dh should do the ringing though if he's the one who wants that option.

I shall never forget sitting at the top table for my wedding and enduring the humiliation that was my aunt accosting a waiter and demanding that he get her the veggie option because "I don't like duck" Fair play to them though, they rustled one up for her sharpish! I was secretly hoping they'd 'doctored' it in some way

[AdelaofBlois]

Or, give them a bottle of bubbly each and just have a tray of posh pies, fried egg and bacon sarnies. My sister did that for the breakfast, and it was about the only aspect of her wedding (rather than her happiness-inducing marriage) I enjoyed.

[sue52]

Set menu and ask vegetarians and people with special dietary requirements to inform you when they RSVP.

[DrPolidori]

As for your guests, as everybody else says, just ask if they have any dietary issues and plan for those. Always OVER cater for the veggies and intolerant, as there will ALWAYS be someone who didn't reply and will get upset....

[AdelaofBlois]

Set menu then. Whatever else, two days is not enough time to ask,a nd those who reply too late will be arsey. Guess at vegetarian numbers and go high if you need to-many who eat meat love vegetarian food too.

[Whatmeworry]

Set Menu. Sorted.

[DrPolidori]

Off the set menu, I think your choices are spot on. Do check their veggie options and be demanding if they are as dull as fuck!

Also demand fresh fruit pud option.....

[takethisonehereforastart]

Set menu. We did that, it worked really well. We only had one person who needed something different because of a dairy intolorence but even then it was only one course that was affected and changed in their case.

My friend said afterwards that she wished she had done the same because her wedding felt like a bit of a free for all, with one bossy uncle "helping" the waitresses by shouting "Who wanted the fish?...Who's having beef?..." across the venue at the top of his voice and half the guests had forgotten what they had chosen weeks before, fancied something else and were just claiming meals they liked the look of on the day.

Why they can't use the seating plan to match up guests with meals I do not know, so if you go down that route I would say give the venue a seating plan with the name of the guests and the meal options they have chosen on it and tell them to just serve people according to that.

We had an early wedding, a meal at mid afternoon, so we also had a buffet later on in the evening. Best buffet ever because I was the bride and got first pick