To not want my husband to go for dinner and drinks alone with another woman

[snarks]

Husband works away during the week (stays at a hotel) and I recently found out that he had gone out for dinner and drinks with a female work colleague. He told me, but only when I had specifically quizzed him about who he was out with. I have had my suspicions about him fancying her for a while.
AIBU to be pissed off about this?

[CoffeeOne]

I'm going out for dinner and drinks tonight with a male friend (I'm actually very excited as I'm telling him I'm 12 weeks pregnant!). My partner is aware of the plans, knows where we're going and has no problems whatsoever. I have a couple of close male friends and wouldn't think twice about spending an evening alone with them. On the flip side I would have no problems with DP spending an evening alone with one of his female friends or colleages. What I would have a problem is however, is him keeping it from me, or only telling me it happened under duress. Part of me wants to advise you to relax, the other part wants to tell you to trust your instincts .

[Catslikehats]

I don't disagree that in many cases if people are going to cheat they will cheat. I also think that being away, drinking and socialising and not having to go home and immediately face your partner makes it a lot easier for many people to get carried away when they might otherwise not.


Nights away also provide an opportunity for relationships to easily progress from professional to more without obvious lines being crossed because of course it is acceptable to have dinner and drinks with a colleague whilst you are away in a way that possibly wouldn't be acceptable if you were at home.

[PercyFilth]

There's no reason for expensive gifts - or any gifts really.

It wasn't bought specifically as a gift, though, was it? It was something the giver had no further use for. I have both given and been given things in just the same circumstances. Unless you are a hoarder, you either give these things away or sell them on ebay or similar. Not everybody can be bothered with ebay, and some people are just generous by nature.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

That's a good point, Percy.

[looner]

no YANBU
and I have no ideas on what you can do about it :(
fingers crossed that everything's ok though

[PeterSpanswick]

Yes, hope it does turn out to be nothing for you to worry about. Having doubts is horrible.

[wicketkeeper]

If we really, truly, want equality in the workplace, then we are going to have to get our heads around the idea that our men will be working with women. One of your DH's colleagues is a woman. Get over it.

[GrendelsMum]

DH works away 1 week in 4, which includes a weekend. Most of his colleagues are female, so he has a choice of going out with them, or sitting alone in a hotel room eating room service yet again. I would honestly far rather that he went out and had dinner with a female colleague than sat in on his own.

I work in a team where the overwhelming majority of my colleagues were male (it was great excitement when I got a female colleague who I could go out to lunch with), so I was very used to eating with them when we went away for work. I've never found it sexy - just (usually) less dull than eating on your own.

[fedupofnamechanging]

I don't read this as the OP having a problem with her dh socialising with female colleagues. I read this as the OP getting a funny feeling about her husbands interaction with this particular colleague.

[Maiavan]

YANBU I hope it all turns out ok. I do personally wish woman would trust their gut more.

[ZillionChocolate]

No, he should sit in his room alone in the dark eating a pot noodle

[CloudC]

I work in professional services and travel a lot for work. If travelling with a colleague, whether male or female, I would feel rude not inviting / accepting an invite to meet for dinner in the evenings. This is a normal part of team building and also makes it less of a drag being away from your family.

Having said that, you know your husband best, and as you've been questioning him on who he has dinner with, sounds like you may have other reasons to be unconfortable with this?

[evenlessnarkypuffin]

If you were getting paranoid about your DH having dinner with a female colleague then Y would BU. Unless he had a record for cheating. You're not though, and you haven't been jealous in the past and he's worked away for years.

You're reacting to changes in his behaviour - the night he didn't call- the way he talks about this woman and the appearance of an expensive gift. At the best it sounds like he has a little bit of a crush on this woman - being asked if he's having an affair with her and him responding that she's 'too professional' . The gift would definitely worry me, because I've seen that before with a friend's husband. What was the gift BTW? Was it something personal eg cufflinks or a tie?

[Oblomov]

My dh does not stay over in hotels, often. But he does have lots of peole come over from US and Canada and he takes them out for lunch or evening meal. Male and female. This bothers me not one bit. And he always tells me who, what they ate, everything.
Op thought her dh fancied this woman before. Then he didn't tell her, until pushed, didn't answer phone and has an expensive gift.
I think she has grounds to be concerned. Totally understandable.

[Moobee]

I travel a lot with work and when you're with colleagues, in my environment you pretty much always meet up for dinner - it would be considered rude otherwise. The only exception is if you're not feeling great and prefer to get room service but this is very dull and you can often miss out on things which come up in meetings later.

I don't always phone home, but my husband and I will often text (we'll send a text to say goodnight for example). The present thing is a bit odd, I would be surprised if a colleague gave me an expensive present. I guess if you usually phone every night and things change then I would be more wary, but barring the present, the situation you describe sounds normal to me.

[SparkleSecret]

OP-first of all I'm sorry you're feeling like this-it's a crap feeling isn't it?
But mainly please can you tell how/why you think your DH fancies her?
Have you met her?What is she like in terms of personality and looks?(I know looks shouldn't matter btw but wonder if she's gorgeous and you're threatened maybe?)