To want dh to arrive at this Decision himself?

[petaluma]

My dh is pretty great most of the time, but he sometimes can be a little bit thoughtless. I am heavily pg and suffering quite a bit from sleepless nights, breathlessness etc, as well as having to look after my lovely but rather spirited toddler full time. Dh does have the tendency to think I'm some sort of superwoman or duracell bunny so he systematically managed to book up all our weekends for the last two months until about 3 weeks before my due date at the beginning of October - which has been fine but it has involved a lot of travelling, organising, washing etc, on my part - and I am exhausted. I asked him a couple of weeks ago to keep those last three weekends free for just chilling, sorting out baby stuff and enjoying our last few times together as a family of three - I also said I really value his help around the house and with my ds as I am permanently exhausted. He said he understood and yes, he would do as much as he can. However, last night he comes home saying four of his mates are going camping for one of those last weekends. Clearly, he expected me to think it was fine for him to go - I'm not the kind of wife who stops him from spending time with his mates - and he went very sulky when I reminded him of what I said. He said he wouldn't go if I didn't want him to. He's now making me feel like the bad guy, yet I don't think he should have even considered going in the first place if he had truly understood what i said about how difficult it is being this pregnant and looking after our little guy at the same time.

[minipie]

"He said he wouldn't go if I didn't want him to. He's now making me feel like the bad guy, yet I don't think he should have even considered going in the first place "

Oh I hate it when my bloody DH does this. He knows damn well that he shouldn't be going off to something. But he doesn't make that decision by himself. No, he asks me if I would be ok with it. Unsurprisingly the answer is no. But then I have to feel guilty for saying no.

OP, stand firm. Tell him that no, surely he remembers, he needs to be at home for these weekends. Simple as that. Oh and by the way, he's not pulling his weight with the childcare generally, and you need to discuss that with him before no. 2 arrives.

Good luck.

[petaluma]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I dispensed with the email idea and had a good old chat to him this evening. He seemed genuinely upset that I was, and agreed to pull his weight more.

I now realise that I just need to be more direct with him - he's not wilfully unreasonable but just a bit emotionally dim at times. I know he loves me because he thinks I'm strong and a coper, but I told him I need a bit of looking after too.

[scaryteacher]

In these situations, I normally tell dh that I leave it entirely up to his conscience (and then watch whilst he tries to find where he left said conscience!).

[HipHopOpotomus]

Great result with the chat. I think men just don't get PG at times - I know DP didn't and it turns out when I'm PG he is highly stressed by it (all the things that could go wrong with me and/or the baby) so he kind of trys to block it out. We get on so much better with newborns rather than when I'm PG

Personally I'd ask him to take DC camping ("great I could really do with a weekend off to rest up after all the busy weekends of late", kind of thing!!) and get him to reorganise camping into a child friendly version.

hope you get to chill out soon!

[redexpat]

Not much use for this time around but how about writing family time/baby preparation or something similar on the calendar or in the diary or whatever it is you two use?

[redexpat]

Oh yay! Well done OP!

[shubiedoo]

It sounds like you have it worked out already, but I would have suggested he replace one of the weekends prior to the last 3 with the camping trip. It's actually less work for you not to have to go anywhere or pack any stuff, and it's true that he just won't have the opportunity to head off with his friends for a long time once #2 comes along.

Some of you are well hard..! We have 3 young kids and my husband and I trade off "me" time a lot, he was off for a stag weekend awhile back but I went to my parents' overnight on my own too lately.

[ZonkedOut]

Good job, Petaluna. Your DH sounds a bit like mine, "emotionally dim" expresses it well. Mine will ask me if it's ok if he goes on something, and I usually say ok, but there have been times when I've said no, when I really shouldn't have been asked at all! Though fair play to him, he's never sulked or made me out to be the bad guy.

[Gonzo33]

In these situations, I normally tell dh that I leave it entirely up to his conscience (and then watch whilst he tries to find where he left said conscience!).

had to laugh at this one. Reminds me of somebody I know

[petaluma]

Even better result. DH has asked work for a couple of days holiday in those 3 weeks prior to the birth to spend time as a three, and said if I wanted to just go to bed (to sleep) on those days then that's fine. Camping trip has been cancelled - suspect other wives/partners have read this thread.

His 'conscience' age has just risen from a man in his twenties to one in his late thirties.

Thanks mumsnetters!

[CurrySpice]

Say

"Of course you can go"

then casually add

"I assume you have sorted all the childcare's I'm going away too."

Then leave the room.

[CurrySpice]

Ooops, sorry, I see it's been sorted. Good on your DH :o