to think it rather strange that fans are leaving tributes of alcohol and cigarettes outside Amy Winehouse's flat?

[Thruaglassdarkly]

...given that her addiction killed her? Anyone else think that's a bit ???

[sleepindogz]

i think if my child had died of alcohol or drug addiction and I went to visit the house and there were bottles of booze/fags whatever outside, that would upset and make me quite angry

[Thruaglassdarkly]

Kitchen - fine. But as someone who lost their father to a similar addiction, I have good reasons for thinking the way I do. I can empathise.

[Thruaglassdarkly]

. I'm NOT actually interfering though (in a RL sense) am I? I'm expressing scepticism on here about the suitability of certain tributes. A stranger's grief (a fan, I mean) has to be less than a parent's. The family and friends have lost someone they loved here, not just an artiste whose songs they enjoyed. How can you not see there's a distinction??? Ok, Kitchen, put yourself in the parents' shoes and tell me you wouldn't feel a bit hurt. Someone's addiction shouldn't define them. They are more than that. Sadly, it takes over their lives and consumes who they are. Do you really (as a parent) want that rubbed in your face???

[squeakytoy]

I have been to funerals of friends killed in motobike accidents. Floral tributes at the scene, and at the funeral included bike helmets.. it is an acknowledgment to the person that died, and what they enjoyed in their life.

Equally I have been to the funeral of someone who died an early death due to alcohol, but that person was well known for enjoying a pint (or more) of guiness, and it was almost his "trademark", and at his funeral there were floral tributes in the shape of a guiness glass and other guiness related things..

Amy was infamous for drink and cigarettes, so it is fitting that those sort of things are left for her by her fans, and to them she isnt a "stranger". They may not have known her personally, but they admired her work, and want to pay their respects to her.

[Nancy66]

how is leaving a bottle of vodka showing respect though?

[Thruaglassdarkly]

squeakytoy, I totally get that. If she was my daughter, I'd be a bit hurt by that, but realise people meant well and were trying to be nice etc etc iyswim. It would still hurt though and that is all I'm saying here.

[Thruaglassdarkly]

Kitchen I agree with you here (obviously not about me missing the point.

I don't think people should criticise the loved ones for how they deal with their grief. But we're not talking about loved ones here - we're talking about Joe Public who didn't have a relationship with Amy and who, whilst saddened by her loss, have not had their hearts ripped out by her passing, as I'm sure her family have. Even so, I'm not criticising as such, rather wondering as to their choice of tribute on account of it being a sensitive subject right now (Amy's wild lifestyle, that is).

[kaluki]

I think its bad taste.
My cousin literally drank himself to death at the age of 34.
The family had his wake in the pub - to 'give him a good send off'. I refused to go, I couldn't stand to see his poor dc's faces while his wife and the rest of them drunk themselves into oblivion the way he used to.
None of them could see the sad irony in it and some still don't talk to me now.

[DoMeDon]

I love the irony of InThe telling OP she is inappropraite to comment on others being inappropriate

[Sugarkane]

Well as someone who comes from a long line of alchoholics and who's farther will inevitably die from affects of alcohol I am not offended by the bottles and fags being left and I know for a fact that my dad will be sent on his way with his beloved Carling in his coffin, because rightly or wrongly that is what he will want, just like his alcoholic parents before him who were sent with a "little tipple". I think Jux summed it up perfectly there is no logic but after seeing Amy's parents and loved ones yesterday seeking some solace from the tributes left by these "strangers" I'm all for it.

[MackerelOfFact]

I think it's fine. It's not like leaving fluffy dice at a car accident scene or a knife at the scene of a stabbing; the difference is Amy enjoyed the booze and drugs. Yes they may have killed her, but they were also a big part of her life.

I have a friend who died tragically young in a car crash, but she loved that car and she almost lived to drive it. The car was mentioned in the funeral which some people found in bad taste, but to others it was somehow reassuring that the was killed by something she loved. That the death was somehow less avoidable because of it.

[Thruaglassdarkly]

I guess it depends on your stance on drug, cigarette and alcohol abuse. If you see it as a disease, then the tributes are a bit . If you see it more as a lifestyle choice, then I guess they seem more fitting. I get the impression that people in general (in RL, I mean) are divided about whether addiction is a disease or choice. Would that be fair to say?

Sugar - I really hope your dad doesn't go that way. My dad listened to his wake up call and became teetotal for the last 10 months of his life, but it came too late. I was so proud of him for trying. He really wanted to be around for me and my DCs, to see them grow up. But even if he hadn't given up and tried so hard at the end there, nothing would have induced me to have any references to him and alcohol at his funeral (and he only had me, so there was noone else familywise to consider). If his friends did, that's up to them, but for me to do so it would've been too painful. Guess we're all different...Really, really hope your dad gets his wake up call before its too late though and you don't have to be chucking in that tinny with him after all.

[Thruaglassdarkly]

Mackeral - So sorry about your friend btw. I don't know if it's the same though, because her loving her car could not be considered an illness and we all drive cars, don't we? I can imagine how divided people would be about the mention of her car at her funeral though - I guess it depends what was said.

In Amy's case, she was trying to give up the hardcore stuff though. It was clear that, although she may have enjoyed it in the beginning and middle, by the end she was aware it was getting the better of her and she wanted to be free of it.

[AitchGee]

All that matters to her family at this awful time is that she is buried on consecrated ground, as hastily as possible and with 13 Jewish men present. Gifts, nice or not so nice have no relevance.

[eslteacher]

I don't care about the cigarettes, but I was a little shocked to see the alcohol. I can't get out of my head the images of her in those videos of her attempted Belgrade concert...seeing what the alcohol had reduced her to was just horrible, and desperately sad to me. Fair enough if she had just liked a drink and got plastered every now and then, then I'd have no problem leaving tributes of beer cans or whatever. But her addiction seemed to reduce her to something so shocking, before ultimately killing her, that to me it did seem inappropriate as a tribute IMO. But, I'm not necessarily judging those that chose to leave it. Maybe they see things a different way.

[Sugarkane]

Thruaglassdarkly I sincerely hope that he gets his wake up call but I very much doubt it, he sees it as a lifestyle and thinks he is doing no wrong and surrounds himself with like minded people. I on the other hand disagree and like you see it as a disease and if nothing else comes from my Fathers illness 2 of his 4 daughters rarely drink and have to a certain extent cut the family cycle. Although it came too late for your farther you must be immensely proud of him for stopping and seeing the bigger picture so to speak.

Although I see no wrong with the drink and fags being left Id definitely have a different stance if heroin had been left, I've no idea if this is because she fought so hard to kick this or if its my own perceptions seeing class A as something completely different to alcohol?

[bibbitybobbityhat]

But why do you see it differently Sugarkane? It could well be the alcohol that killed her.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

I can see why people think it's odd, or disrespectful, especially the alcohol. But my gut feeling is to agree with Jux and others of that opinion. Grief, and the ways in which people express it, IS odd, and unpredictable, and manifests itself in ways that are not necessarily dignified or 'appropriate'. I think people should be allowed to express their grief, and what they loved about someone who's died, and how they'll remember and honour them, in whichever way feels right. I haven't seen any pics of the Amy Winehouse 'tribute spot', but reading on this thread that her family have been there and seemed to take solace in it, I can't help feeling that as long as they're OK with it there's nothing to criticise.

[RosieMapleLeaf]

I obviously can't speak for her parents, but I would imagine that they see the tributes as an indication that their daughter was loved by many, whether they knew her personally or not. I don't think it matters so much what was left, just that she had made a difference to people and those people wanted to note her passing. If it was someone I knew, I would feel so heartened to know that this person that was so close to me had been influential in the lives of others too.

[Jux]

My cousin was a public person, as I've said before. Strangers still come to his grave and leave stuff on it. We don't give a shit about what they leave; it is touching that they still come, that they still remember him, that they still make the effort. What they use to show that is irrelevant and of no interest at all. Same with my bro.

[GothAnneGeddes]

Jux AIBU to ask who your cousin was?

I'm disliking the emotional policing here. I absolutely do feel it's possible to be saddened by death of someone you've never met. Also, what is classed as appropriate grieving varies hugely around the world, hence the futility of neat little categories of appropriateness.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

I was just moved to tears listening to the report on 5Live about AW's funeral. I still think its really awful that people have left bottles of vodka in her memory. Oh well, call me old fashioned.

[FilthyDirtyHeathen]

'given that her addiction killed her'

Did it? Do you have access to the toxicology reports then?

An old friend of mine died last year. She had bipolar disorder, she also had alcohol and drug addictions which everybody said would be the end of her.

In the end it was the prescription meds for the bipolar that killed her when she took them in combination with some strong prescription pain killers she had.

Not saying that is what happend to AW but I am saying that there are other possible causes of death and people should quit with the judging. Can't believe we are now being asked to judge the leaving of memorials. It is what it is and there are no bloody rules about this sort of thing.