Call me old fashioned if you like but AIBU

[MrsKravitz]

In thinking that its inappropriate of someone to give your child alcohol when they stay over.

Child is 16 and mate's Dad bought them beers which they drank until 1 am.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

What pag said. Although I probably wouldn't have been particularly annoyed (assuming we're not talking many, many beeers) as I doubt it would have been the first time. Clearly this is based on memories of my own misspent youth.

If the father is otherwise a generally OK sort then I imagine he assumed it was normal for 16yos to have a beer or two on a non-school night.

[spookshowangel]

i dont think it would bother me particularly, but i moved out at 17. i suppose it comes down to your trust in your son and having one foot stuck in their childhood and the other in their adulthood.

[Ormirian]

A beer wouldn't bother me. One! A session is quite another thing.

And either way you probably should have been asked first.

[33goingon64]

I don't think it's bad to give a 16 yo a beer or two at home but if my DC had a friend over I would check that the parents were ok with it. My parents gave me wine with meals sometimes and I started going to the pub with friends when I was 16, but you can't assume that what is normal in your house is ok in someone else's.

[5Foot5]

YANBU. I have nothing against a 16yo having a beer or similar under supervision but I would never offer this unless their parents were there or I had checked with the parents.

DD is 15 and we have (very) occasionally offered her a small glass of wine if we are having a special meal or are celebrating. I assume she will try alcohol at some point and on the whole I would prefer her first experience of it to be when we are around. However, so far she has refused a glass because she just doesn't like the taste.

[PamBeesly]

YANBU you should have been consulted first, I'd be miffed

[RMutt]

I'd be v v annoyed I wasn't asked about it.

Mil was handing round Pimms to my dc at a family party a few weeks ago (they are 12 and 9) It's not the 'trying it' I mind so much, although they never have or even asked to try alcohol before.

I probably would've let them have a sip, or a very lemonadey one if asked; it's the total disregard of asking me or dh first that annoyed me hugely.

And yes I said something.

[twinklingfairy]

I imagine he assumed it was normal for 16yos to have a beer or two on a non-school night.
Is it, a normal thing though?
Certainly not to me.
I would think he was very irresponsible to be thinking along those lines.
That is just my opinion though, perhaps others think it is ok for a 16yr old to have a couple on a weekend night?
Ok mine are young, but I don't think I would be happy if my DH thought that that was ok at 16. 17 maybe, the latter end of, but not 16.

I think the father was irresponsible, he sounds like he wanted to be cool in front of his son and his sons friend

YANBU.
Have you spoken to the father in question?
Just wondering what the best way to deal with this is?
Obv not a big fuss to embarass the OPs DS, but surely a wee phone call just to say, oi!

[twinklingfairy]

That was a quote, I should have highlighted that
I imagine he assumed it was normal for 16yos to have a beer or two on a non-school night.

[exoticfruits]

YANBU- but you will come across it a lot- as lots of parents do it.

[squeakytoy]

I am old fashioned in many of my views, but a young adult (and 16 really isnt a "child"..), having a few beers round at a mates house really would not be an issue for me.

If the father had took them to a pub, and bought them alcohol I would not be happy, but in the relatively safer confines of a house, not a problem at all.

Most teens that age are having a few drinks, and it would be naive to expect them not to.

I think it is better to let teens get used to drinking alcohol gradually and sensibly rather than just let them loose on it at the age of 18 for the first time..

[Stillchuckingit]

What Orm said

One beer, at home, at a meal-time around the dining room with family = ok imo

More than one beer, unsupervised, (or supervised by unsuitable person) without parents permission until 1 am = not ok

[create]

DH had a friend who's father was like this and PIL hated it but DH has very fond memories of slightly drunken heart to hearts at this friend's house. At 16 it's probably unreasonable to expect that they won't drink and better to be safe with adullts than on street corners or trawling for a pub which will let them in. Agree he should have probably asked you first. What would you have answered?

1am depends on the occasion

[OracleInaCoracle]

I think it is better to let teens get used to drinking alcohol gradually and sensibly rather than just let them loose on it at the age of 18 for the first time.

Totally agree. We used to drink at my best friends house, a glass of wine with dinner, a couple of beers while watching a movie, and tbh I don't think I ever did the drinking cider on a park bench thing, there was no need and alcohol wasn't taboo (geddit?) And therefore didn't hold any mystical draw.

[OracleInaCoracle]

I think it is better to let teens get used to drinking alcohol gradually and sensibly rather than just let them loose on it at the age of 18 for the first time.

Totally agree. We used to drink at my best friends house, a glass of wine with dinner, a couple of beers while watching a movie, and tbh I don't think I ever did the drinking cider on a park bench thing, there was no need and alcohol wasn't taboo (geddit?) And therefore didn't hold any mystical draw.

[loopylou6]

Yanbu. very irresponsible of him to not ask you first, I'd be furious tbh.

[jeckadeck]

my dad used to let us drink at home from the age of about 14/15. In moderation and only with them and usually wine with water, so barely strong enough to get intoxicated, and also my closest friend's dad used to let us drink (similar terms) under their roof. I don't think it did me any harm it certainly didn't make me into an alcoholic but I'm not sure I'd encourage it with my own kids because I think it normalizes alcohol which isn't an entirely positive thing. I don't think 16 is shockingly young, tbh and your son would probably be doing it outside the house if he isn't able to do it at home or mate's house (and quite likely already is.) But I do think you're right to feel miffed that you weren't told about it. Maybe just gently say to the family that you don't mind your son drinking a little but you would have preferred it if he could have run it by you first. Think stickylittlefingers is right too -- its good that your son told you and if you blow it up into a big episode he is less likely to do it in future.

[DontCallMePeanut]

WRT the poster who commented on liscensing laws. I thought they were as follows...

A parent/legal guardian can allow their child to drink alcohol in their house from the age of 5. From 16, they can have (up to) a pint of cider if they've ordered a meal on licensed premises (I may be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure they have to be with parents, again?)

Supplying alcohol to child under the age of 18, who is not your child, without the parent's consent, is illegal. I know when I worked in the pubs and off licenses, we were told to refuse sale if we thought that the alcohol would be supplied to a minor.

Personally, I'd want DS to ask permission, or for his friend's parents to clear it first, but won't always happen. BUT it's better than them going and drinking irresponsibly, without the supervision of someone whoo'd know what to do in case of alcohol poisoning.

[MrsKravitz]

I have NO objection to ds having a drink. He has a beer or so on holidays and at parties. He isnt a park drinker, he is pretty honest so Im sure of this.
I just do object to another parent making the decision to host a drinking evening without the consent of other parents.

[Riveninside]

We knew a couple of dicks who did this. Buying alcohol for 13 and 14 yo's staying in their houses.
When I objected I was told too 'stop oppressing my children'. wankers.

[SpringchickenGoldBrass]

I really don't actually get what you are in such a snit about, given that your DS has drunk beer, with your knowledge, before. He is 16, old enough to make quite a lot of his own decisions. I think maybe what is worrying you is the awareness that he is growing up and not your baby any more: while your feelings are understandable, don't make the mistake of using them as an excuse to embarrass your DS by having a go at the other parents.

[reelingintheyears]

I've let DC drink beer at 16.

DS2 is going to his friends on Saturday night..i expect they will have a few.

16 is ok as long as they're not getting into trouble and are at someone's house especially if adults are there.

[exoticfruits]

It is when they buy vodka etc that you really need to worry. (and some do)

[LineRunner]

I would mind if I hadn't been asked.

I would mind if my teenager had been given too much, or had been pressured or teased into drinking.

I wouldn't mind if it was a beer or two, that I knew about, over an evening, in nice company.

[OracleInaCoracle]

There's a big difference in allowing a young adult to drink at 16 and a child at 13/14.