Call me old fashioned if you like but AIBU

[MrsKravitz]

In thinking that its inappropriate of someone to give your child alcohol when they stay over.

Child is 16 and mate's Dad bought them beers which they drank until 1 am.

[reelingintheyears]

usualsuspect...i very much suspect that mine were the one's drinking at 14/15.

Not in huge excess but i'm pretty sure they did it at DDs friends house at the weekends.

Oh,and i let them have a glass of wine at dinner on Sunday/christmas.(if there was enough)

[usualsuspect]

I agree if my ds had been asked at 16 if it was ok for him to have a beer ,he would have said yes

I would be ok with it though

[OracleInaCoracle]

Reeling, and no internet thanks to those wankers at virgin, so I am becursed

[OracleInaCoracle]

Reeling, and no internet thanks to those wankers at virgin, so I am becursed

[AMumInScotland]

Properly speaking I do agree that the other parent should have asked. But since your son is 16, the dad probably thought he was old enough to be asked directly "Do you normally get allowed beer?" rather than saying "Shall I phone your mum and ask if you can have a beer?". Or else he knows from previous conversations either with your son or with his own that he's drunk beer before, with your knowledge and consent.

Your son could no doubt answer with a clear unembarrased "Oh yes mum's fine about me having a beer"

He therefore took that as implied consent rather than coming to you for explicit consent.


FWIW DS (17) has been to parties at various friends houses and had some wine there - no parent has ever phoned me to ask if it was ok. DS knows that we are fine with him having some (in moderation), and would have said so if asked.

[reelingintheyears]

lissielou's got echolalia again then

[reelingintheyears]

The thing is you can't choose their friends and there's always been an element of pressure in teenage friendships.

They have to find their own way and your idea of nice company won't be the same as your DS unfortunatley.

He probably will get rat arsed sometimes because they all do/we all did.

Maybe you didn't,i don't know that.

But it really is a sort of rite of passage.

He's 16 and can legally leave home should he want to (and i'm sure he doesn't).

Maybe he didn't think he should have to ask you first.

It won't be that long untill he does and that's a day.

[OracleInaCoracle]

There's a big difference in allowing a young adult to drink at 16 and a child at 13/14.

[OracleInaCoracle]

There's a big difference in allowing a young adult to drink at 16 and a child at 13/14.

[LineRunner]

I would mind if I hadn't been asked.

I would mind if my teenager had been given too much, or had been pressured or teased into drinking.

I wouldn't mind if it was a beer or two, that I knew about, over an evening, in nice company.

[exoticfruits]

It is when they buy vodka etc that you really need to worry. (and some do)

[reelingintheyears]

I've let DC drink beer at 16.

DS2 is going to his friends on Saturday night..i expect they will have a few.

16 is ok as long as they're not getting into trouble and are at someone's house especially if adults are there.

[SpringchickenGoldBrass]

I really don't actually get what you are in such a snit about, given that your DS has drunk beer, with your knowledge, before. He is 16, old enough to make quite a lot of his own decisions. I think maybe what is worrying you is the awareness that he is growing up and not your baby any more: while your feelings are understandable, don't make the mistake of using them as an excuse to embarrass your DS by having a go at the other parents.

[Riveninside]

We knew a couple of dicks who did this. Buying alcohol for 13 and 14 yo's staying in their houses.
When I objected I was told too 'stop oppressing my children'. wankers.

[MrsKravitz]

I have NO objection to ds having a drink. He has a beer or so on holidays and at parties. He isnt a park drinker, he is pretty honest so Im sure of this.
I just do object to another parent making the decision to host a drinking evening without the consent of other parents.

[DontCallMePeanut]

WRT the poster who commented on liscensing laws. I thought they were as follows...

A parent/legal guardian can allow their child to drink alcohol in their house from the age of 5. From 16, they can have (up to) a pint of cider if they've ordered a meal on licensed premises (I may be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure they have to be with parents, again?)

Supplying alcohol to child under the age of 18, who is not your child, without the parent's consent, is illegal. I know when I worked in the pubs and off licenses, we were told to refuse sale if we thought that the alcohol would be supplied to a minor.

Personally, I'd want DS to ask permission, or for his friend's parents to clear it first, but won't always happen. BUT it's better than them going and drinking irresponsibly, without the supervision of someone whoo'd know what to do in case of alcohol poisoning.

[jeckadeck]

my dad used to let us drink at home from the age of about 14/15. In moderation and only with them and usually wine with water, so barely strong enough to get intoxicated, and also my closest friend's dad used to let us drink (similar terms) under their roof. I don't think it did me any harm it certainly didn't make me into an alcoholic but I'm not sure I'd encourage it with my own kids because I think it normalizes alcohol which isn't an entirely positive thing. I don't think 16 is shockingly young, tbh and your son would probably be doing it outside the house if he isn't able to do it at home or mate's house (and quite likely already is.) But I do think you're right to feel miffed that you weren't told about it. Maybe just gently say to the family that you don't mind your son drinking a little but you would have preferred it if he could have run it by you first. Think stickylittlefingers is right too -- its good that your son told you and if you blow it up into a big episode he is less likely to do it in future.

[loopylou6]

Yanbu. very irresponsible of him to not ask you first, I'd be furious tbh.

[OracleInaCoracle]

I think it is better to let teens get used to drinking alcohol gradually and sensibly rather than just let them loose on it at the age of 18 for the first time.

Totally agree. We used to drink at my best friends house, a glass of wine with dinner, a couple of beers while watching a movie, and tbh I don't think I ever did the drinking cider on a park bench thing, there was no need and alcohol wasn't taboo (geddit?) And therefore didn't hold any mystical draw.

[OracleInaCoracle]

I think it is better to let teens get used to drinking alcohol gradually and sensibly rather than just let them loose on it at the age of 18 for the first time.

Totally agree. We used to drink at my best friends house, a glass of wine with dinner, a couple of beers while watching a movie, and tbh I don't think I ever did the drinking cider on a park bench thing, there was no need and alcohol wasn't taboo (geddit?) And therefore didn't hold any mystical draw.

[create]

DH had a friend who's father was like this and PIL hated it but DH has very fond memories of slightly drunken heart to hearts at this friend's house. At 16 it's probably unreasonable to expect that they won't drink and better to be safe with adullts than on street corners or trawling for a pub which will let them in. Agree he should have probably asked you first. What would you have answered?

1am depends on the occasion

[Stillchuckingit]

What Orm said

One beer, at home, at a meal-time around the dining room with family = ok imo

More than one beer, unsupervised, (or supervised by unsuitable person) without parents permission until 1 am = not ok

[squeakytoy]

I am old fashioned in many of my views, but a young adult (and 16 really isnt a "child"..), having a few beers round at a mates house really would not be an issue for me.

If the father had took them to a pub, and bought them alcohol I would not be happy, but in the relatively safer confines of a house, not a problem at all.

Most teens that age are having a few drinks, and it would be naive to expect them not to.

I think it is better to let teens get used to drinking alcohol gradually and sensibly rather than just let them loose on it at the age of 18 for the first time..

[exoticfruits]

YANBU- but you will come across it a lot- as lots of parents do it.

[twinklingfairy]

That was a quote, I should have highlighted that
I imagine he assumed it was normal for 16yos to have a beer or two on a non-school night.