AIBU to expect in-laws to buy age appropriate gifts for my 2 year old?

[llmmhh]

My daughter has just had her 2nd birthday and my in-laws bought several gifts all of which I have had to confiscate because the are inappropriate.

The worst example is a tea set (which my daughter loved for the few hours I let her play with it) which is made from porcelain and has some very small parts. According to the label it is not suitable for children under 8 years! After a few hours of playing many of the pieces are chipped or completely broken and very sharp.

I am really cross that I have had to confiscate all of the gifts they bought because none of them were suitable. The same thing happened last year when she bought a train suitable for a 3 year old for DD 1st birthday.

I have asked my DH to talk to his mum about it but he is very reluctant as he does not have that kind of relationship with her.

Any advice on how I should handle this?

[hophophippidtyhop]

This reminds me of the christmas dd1 was just over 1, and PIL bought a rocking horse for 3+ that neighed and has terrified her for the last 3 years until recently, and a garden swing for a five year old! They are kept at their house. Thankfully they have got a bit better at age appropiate presents now!

[TheDeathlyMarshmallows]

I am totally un-embarassed to say that each of my children have Amazon wishlist

You can create them as additional lists on your account so no need for them to have thier own Amazon accounts for whoever asked. Whenever I see something I think either of them would like, I add it and then at Christmas and birthdays, I point anyone asking for ideas at the relevant list.

DH and I both have large families and consequently, the (very lucky) DC's have an army of generous Aunties, Unlces and Grandparents all asking for suggestions at various times of the year. Everyone is internet savvy and I know my Mum and MIL particularly like the lists as they can look, add to basket and pay and easily tick the children off their present lists without having to trek round the shopping centre at the weekends. They both work so time saved is appreciated.

DD's is particularly useful as her birthday is 8 days before Christmas and so everyone wants 2 ideas at once!

I just make sure I go through them a couple of weeks before they're needed and remove anything they've grown out of/gone off the idea of.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

We use Amazon lists now for ourselves and DH's massive family. It has made things a million times easier! Very very good idea.

[Ephiny]

I agree, would just put them away until you think she's old enough to enjoy them. Don't see the problem at all, and I think it would be quite rude and ungrateful to complain to them about what they bought.

[halcyondays]

I wouldn't say anything, I would just say thank you and put anything unsuitable away until she's older. I wouldn't have let her play with the porcelain tea set, I would just hide it away. I've always done this with presents if for example they have small parts and my dd2 still puts things in her mouth even at there, or a game that's too old for them.

[BabyDubsEverywhere]

Ive just bought my DD the teaset from ikea. She is two and a half. We sit and play with it together having an indoor picnic/tea party with all her dolls and teddys lined up, we have little cakes and sandwiches on them and juice in the teapot. When we've finished we put them away. I wouldnt leave her unsupervised with them as they would get broken, put then i wouldnt leave her alone when she is painting either or she'd wreck the walls!

I think its quite a sweet toy. You just have to actually play with them rather than leave them to it.

(Not being sarcy, i think i leave mine to it too much so got this set to make me join in more)

[Oblomov]

Agreed. Age guideliens are 'guidelines'. I give toys to my ds's that are a year+ advanced to their age. Ds2(2.8) plays with toys aged 4, and he also plays with ds1(7)'s toys, IF I think they are APPROPRIATE. Its just common sense.

[VeronicaCake]

Agree with the advice to smile, say thank you and put it away until you think she is ready.

Also a lot of the age guidelines on toys are mad and presumably only put there to restrict liability rather than for any sensible reason. Almost all DD's (1) toys say not suitable for children under 36m including the ginormous rubber duck she plays with in the bath.

[Oblomov]

Amazon wish list ? what a fab idea. off to create a star wars/ nerf gun type wish list for ds1(7) now. suppose I should make one for ds2(2) aswell.

[RMutt]

Iwant 'I'm a bit embarrassed to say we have an amazon wish list running all the time for each child.' Omg what a brilliant idea! Don't be embarrassed!!

I am also the poor soul who has to do everyone else's Christmas and birthday shopping for the dc from the family. With 3 dc it gets pretty mindblowing. I'm off to create Amazon wish lists now If it makes the onslaught of birthdays and Christmas bearable I'll be forever grateful.

Years ago when dd was around 2 mil went on holiday to Italy and brought dd back a very delicate Venetian mask for her birthday...as you do Blimey even I was scared to touch it let alone dd. It's lovely but she couldn't go near the thing for years. We hung it high on the wall in her room. And as 2 yr olds love dressing up...she was itching to get it Bonkers.

But grandmas do mean well and I think we all forget over time the limitations of agegroups and toys when you're not always in the thick of it.

[MorelliOrRanger]

Quite surprised you gave your DD the tea set to play with if you thought it was too old for her

YANBU to hope that people buy age appropriate gifts for your DC, if they aren't put them away for a while. Children get so much that they aren't going to miss a few things are they?

[saladsandwich]

my ex-inlaws buy ds strange stuff, they also keep the gifts at their house so i can't even put them away till he's older. he is 2 and half and he is grown up in the sense he doesn't put things in his mouth but he is alittle behind development wise and they bought him a robosapien he absolutley freaked out and had a massive meltdown, i just smile and go ooooo usually but i have told them not to buy him anything with guns or sharp parts and they haven't done they just buy daft expensive stuff but they mean well xx

[HPonEverything]

Iwantanotherbaby "I'm a bit embarrassed to say we have an amazon wish list running all the time for each child. All the internet-savvy members of the family know about it, and that anything bought from there is safe, but it also gives people a good idea what the children are into at the moment"

I don't think there's anything embarrassing about that - actually think it's a GREAT idea and I will implement it myself when the time comes - do they need their own accounts too?

[MoChan]

We have Amazon wish lists running too - especially useful now that they have the 'universal' wish list thing you can do. I wouldn't ever force it on anyone (not least because it's nice to have some surprises) but it's great for when grandparents/uncles and aunts say "what shall we get for X".

Of course, if they didn't ask, I wouldn't go offering suggestions as it would make me feel like an ingrate. I think in the OP's circumstances, I would probably say "how lovely, we'd better put it aside for a couple of years until xx can play with it safely". Just so they are not offended if they don't see it being played with.

[diddl]

Well it doesn´t sound that bad-a teaset for a 2yr old!

It maybe just didn´t occur to them to look at labels.

I had a porcelain teaset & it´s something I´d love to buy a GC so I´d probably buy it too soon.

I think to say-oh that´s lovely but when she´s a bit older-as already suggested.

Or for next bday/Christmas-give suggestions.

[nadia77]

appreciate the thought and she will always grow to the toys lets just say you'll always have new toys for her when she's bored

[llmmhh]

Fair enough - thanks for the ideas. I think next time I'll be more prepared to say something to my daughter like "oh that will be nice to play with when you're a bit older" and then hide it away for a later date.

:)

[Ormirian]

Put them away and wait till she's older. She'll appreciate them then

I certainly don't see why you are cross about it. It's annoying but that is all. It sounds to me as if they are trying to give her the sort of toy they remember liking when they were little and are guilty of nothing more than over-enthusiasm and age-overestimation!

You could perhaps say something like ' DD loved your tea set! Unfortunately she was a bit rough for it - she's only 2 after all - so I've put it away for later'. To give them a hint. or just let it go.

[IWantAnotherBaby]

I'm a bit embarrassed to say we have an amazon wish list running all the time for each child. All the internet-savvy members of the family know about it, and that anything bought from there is safe, but it also gives people a good idea what the children are into at the moment (eg DS currently has the entire Lego Ninjago range on his wish list!).

When MIL has bought completely inappropriate things in the past (eg she bought a baby walker for DS (PFB); I was never going to allow a child of mine in one!), we politely explained the problem. She soon realised that our tastes and ideas about what was suitable were different, and got into the habit of either providing the receipt when she bought something, or giving me the cash to buy something on her behalf.

Failing that, we re-gift (and DCs get to choose a substitute gift to the approximate value), or pass things on to charity shops/ ebay. It avoids awkwardness, appearing ungrateful etc.

[EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions]

Say thanks and put the gifts away til she's older.

[ragged]

yanbu, and I know what you mean. My mother used to buy such things for her DGC and say "We'll just put this collectible away until you're bigger" WHAT A LOAD OF PANTS to buy a terrific & fun looking but fragile toy for a toddler. Of course eventually somebody capitulated to the child's constant whinging asking for it, got fragile toy down for a "brief" spell and it was soon broken. Anyway, how many 8yos want a fragile toy, tell the truth?? DD is 9yo & would probably soon chip that porcelin set, too.

I don't know what you can do about it, though; my mother wouldn't listen, either (sigh).

[Rillyrillygoodlooking]

DS got a wooden train set from the ILs on his first birthday. We saved it until he was old enough.
I agree that a porcelain tea set is a little off the mark for a two year old, but I also agree that often things that say 3+ could be suitable for a 2+, depending on how "grown up" the child is.
Just save them for later...

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

YABU. You just have to take responsibility and use a little common sense. I was given a lovely little porcelain tea set for DD when she was younger. I put it away and, now she's 3.5 and a bit more careful, I might think about getting it out. Presents don't have to be used immediately.

Just think a little. Look at the item, decide whether it's ok for your child at the moment. If so, hand it over. The age guidelines are just that, they're not written in blood.

[Blurry29]

Could you give them a list of ideas in future that are appropriate without sounding demanding? My FiL has no clue bless him about what is age appropriate for his GC so we let him know what DS is into around birthdays and xmas and he gets something from what we have asked. We don't demand but just say oh DS is into Power rangers at the mo etc.... we then leave it to him to chose a gift from what he can afford.

We also do the same for him, around birthdays and xmas we ask him what he is into at the time, we don't see him often so wouldn't know without asking, he doesn't demand but does tell us what he likes etc.......

They just may not be aware of what they are doing and you don't want to come across as selfish and ungreatful

:)