AIBU to be very annoyed that I have just found a newspaper photo of my DC's on the internet.

[nolembit]

I have just been looking at our local paper online and found a picture of the entire school including my DC's with the local MP.

I fill in a photographic permission slip every year which states that my DC's picture cannot be used on the web.

I am fuming and don't know whether to speak to the school or the newspaper. I am also annoyed that this put's me in a very difficult position wrt other parents/school as they will not have the opportunity to take another picture without my DC's. I am so mad in fact I am livid!!!!!!!

[BernadetteRostenkowski]

I'd be fuming too if I were you Nolembit. I can understand why some might not get why you don't want any pictures of your DC 'out there' but I'm in a similar boat to you. For reasons I won't go into, I don't want anything that will identify my children or their whereabouts - not in papers, not online.

I'll be filling in the permission slip like you (when they are old enough) and if they ignore it I would be furious.

[nolembit]

BTW my DC's were right at the front.

[glassescase]

I don't see why IN SCHOOL UNIFORM makes any difference. A couple of children will not stand out from the crowd if all are in uniform. If someone really wanted to find out where a someone's children attend school they could do so quite easily.m If there were no names, which I presume as it would have to be a very small school for all to be named, then the risk is negligible.
I find them precious!

[Kewcumber]

I don;t get why this is "precious" - is there some requirement to publish your childrens photos on the web that I haven't heard of and if you opt out of it you are being precious

[NerfHerder]

We have just faced this recently. I am trying to find the balls to tackle the school

I understand exactly how you feel, you have my sympathy.

[glassescase]

There is no requirement, but it's a newspaper photo, not a paedophile website.
Folk with these "precious" requirements are certainly considered a pain in the arse in the school where I work.

[GryffindorNotSlytherinPlease]

Regardless of your reasons behind your decision (Which are for no one to say if they are right/wrong/precious!) the school have fucked up!

I'd be absolutely fuming with them! YADNBU

[BernadetteRostenkowski]

Glasses If you really don't get it then you are very lucky. But some of us are in circumstances where we have to be very careful about making sure our DC are safe.

Rule number 1 is keeping anything that identifies a location and a school uniform does that.
If someone is pretty sure which town you are in and keeps an eye on the school section of the local paper then bingo, there is the child with a uniform on to show where they are everyday.

[emmanumber3]

YANBU. Both for the fact that you have already informed school that your DC's photos are not to put on the web & they must respect that and for your reason.

If a paedophile had ever shown an "interest" in one of my DC's - albeit through a photo & not in person, I would definitely not want that person stumbling across a photo of my DC in identifiable school uniform online. Entirely reasonable.

[NerfHerder]

glassescase- be thankful you do not know people who would take your children and harm them in order to hurt you.

[nolembit]

glassescase have you never scanned a paper and thought wait a minute I recognise them? It's someone that you haven't thought about in a while but the photo prompts you to remember.

[ScaredyDog]

For the size that the photo would appear on the newspaper's website, particularly as it's of the whole school, nobody would be able to recognise them from a passing resemblance to their father. Their faces will be so small - and they won't be named.

In fact, as a photographer who does this sort of shot, I can tell you that a whole school photo in a local newspaper is a crap idea anyway - because you won't to be able to see the individual kids' faces.

A hundred unidentifiable kids in a small photo isn't a good press shot.

So you go with small a group of kids (around six maximum) with the MP. Then their mums and dads can buy extra copies and order the photo if they want - because you can actually see that it's little Archie or Chloe in the photo.

You're not being unreasonable to be annoyed that the school have gone against your wishes, though. Not at all.

[Kewcumber]

Not a problem if your adopted child is identified by violent birth family, just being precious. Of course the likelihood isn't high but who cares, lets take the risk rather than someone in the school office bothering to read the opt out. Who cares if you feel uncomfortable with your childrnes photos being published when your husband works with convcted paedophiles - your (possibly unwarratned) discomfort is nothing in the face of the school following their own procedure because its a pain to them

Glad you don't work at my school then.

[LadyFlumpalot]

glassescase - I used to work in a prison. I, being extremely sheltered and young at the time (19) had a photo of my then 3 yr old sister in my office. I pissed off a young offender one day who told me that he was going to find my sister one day, he knew what she looked like now, he knew my name and he was sure some mention of her would pop up on the internet someday and he would be looking out for it...

People with that kind of mentality, are not rational. They will stalk, and search, and stalk some more.

OP - you are most definitely NOT being unreasonable!

[AuntiePickleBottom]

glassescase, then to be blunt i wouldn't want my child attending your school.

are the children with other special instruction also a PITA, like those with allergys, those unable to go to xmas parties ( JW), when instructed only mum can pick little jonny up ect. It is the school job to follow parents wishes.

[TiggyD]

precious?

I used to look after a child who was forcibly removed from their parents due to abuse and adopted. I could put in a few links to stories where parents have killed their children if you want to know why some people should not be given help to find their offspring if it helps.

[nolembit]

glassescase my DH had to leave jobs because he couldn't face what these people had done, it made him ill.

ScaredyDog my DC's go to a small village school.

[glassescase]

I would be far more concerned if the school allowed physical access to children, particularly if there was a genuine threat of abduction. However, it is unreasonable to complain about a child being removed from every possible photo opportunity, where you have requested no publication of pictures. (not OP)

[glassescase]

LadyFlumpalot- you are right, they will stalk, and they will find, if they are set on doing so. And they will probably find DC on Facebook, or their name listed in results of a dressage, archery or football competition, or their GCSE results. Just google a name and their is a trail, once they start to mix.

[AbigailS]

I can understand about some parents not wanting their children exposed to risk and refusing photo consent and it does look like a big mistake has been made by the school. But in future please don't be angry with the school if your child is kept aside in group photographs. Don't be the parent who complains "how dare the school single out my child by making her stand at the back of the class line" when the whole class is lead outside for a photo, so the teacher can have the child handy to draw to one side away from the shot. (can't leave her inside as there is no one to supervise her)
Other things to think about:
Are other parents are not permitted to photograph or video school plays and sports days in case your child is in shot and it could disclose too much information if seen by the wrong person? If you are that concerned you might need to chat to the head about getting that in place.
What about the annual whole class photograph? Lots of copies bought by other families for aunties, grandmas, etc. And once they've bought it you have no control over who sees it and what they do with it.

[atosilis]

Hmm, I'm in various camps here.

I can understand that if someone thought their child was in danger and/or being actively looked for it would be a problem to have the child's photo in the paper, but unless the child is named, has anyone seen 'Where's Wally'?

My SIL actively contacts papers to promote charities and her son is in every bloody photo. I said she was slacking when he wasn't in any of the Royal visit photos in America.

My daughter was not allowed in a school photo for an art project she had overseen (her design) because her hairstyle was 'not in keeping with the school ethos' and she hasn't forgotten it 15 yrs later. At least she understood the reason, how do you explain to small children that they can't join the group photo. What teasing results from that?

[nolembit]

glassescase I requested that my DC's photo's were used for internal purposes only and if someone were to wait outside the school they could follow my children home.

[BernadetteRostenkowski]

Glasses You're right, I would also be greatly worried about the school not properly preventing physical access to children.

Of course, if someone wanted to abduct my children then a nice photo is the local rag will tell them which school gates to hang around outside. And if the school don't bother to follow the procedure on photo permissions who know which other policies they also don't bother to follow. It undermines the trust you have to have in the school to send your child there.

What to some might seem as precious behaviour from parents can actually be a real issue for some families, and through no fault of their own.

[ChristinedePizan]

Every school should ask if any photos of their children can be taken and used for any kind of publicity. There are some children whose whereabouts should be hidden for whatever reason and this is an appalling breach of trust. I would also be livid OP if I were you

[glassescase]

But if someone WANTED to abduct your children, and seriously intended to do so, they will not be waiting for a chance photo in the local rag. If they are so vulnerable, they won't be walking home alone, surely? And if you mean that the child will lead them to the parent, well, I repeat- they will find you if they want to.