I´ve thought this for a while now, spurred on as my own dc get older.
I grew up with a violent father and my mum who was always busy with my db who was considered terminally ill for decades and died in middle age.
I remember always actively disliking my father, he never did anything for any of his dc, resented buying us the very basic things in life. He never participated in things like Xmas and scheduled his holidays when we kids were at school. We never had any family holidays, ever, (maybe it was better that way anyway?)
I cared for my db as a child and was always afraid he would die when I was responsible for him (thinking of it now, it did not even occur to me to that neighbours could help)
I grew up very independent, left home at 15 and have basically had a successful life. But as my dc grow up I feel increasingly resentful that I was given nothing as a child, no time, no toys or activities, no sweets, Easter eggs, birthday presents or birthday parties. I have no positive memories from childhood and plenty of very bad ones!
I have very tentatively tried to tackle the subject with mum but she won´t accept any failing. Other siblings have criticized her more openly. The problem is mum sees her whole identity as the caring mum, but this was true for only one of her children!!
Am I being ridiculous? Could mum have done better? It is only more than 20 years later that I have considered she might have been just a little responsible for a thoroughly miserable childhood : (
Thanks for reading this. Any thoughts? Should I see a shrink?!
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To think my mum could have done better?
29 replies
NoTrip · 20/06/2011 10:40
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