to be really fucked off re Fathers Day

[slightlyunbalanced]

Ex DH is a twat, we don't get on he regually tries to have me arrested/sacked very very acrimonious.

He did nothing for me for mothers day, my OH and my best friend gave the kids some money and she took them out and they got me a gorgeous necklace and card etc.

He has been so foul recently (he has rejected one of our children who isn't biolgoically his yet who he continued to see 5 years after our separation) and generally a shit father that I couldn't bring myself to organise anything and I have been busy with work.

They were there this weekend and his g/fs daughter presented their dad with a massive card and present in front of them when they clearly had nothing to give him.

Just thinking AIBU to think what a bitch his girlfriend was not to include our kids in that too?!

Feel really for my kids.

[MrsKravitz]

Do you know what? All week ds has been on about father's day. He made something and then took me out to get a book, a dvd and some chocs for his Dad (and a card). He then drew a few pictures and made up a poem for his Dad.
Dss is around your oldest's age. It didnt even OCCUR to me to buy something from him. Honestly.
Last night he came over to spend the week here and the boys must have been talking and he promptly went down to the shop and bought a card and a block of fruit and nut for his Dad.
If he hadnt? I dont know. TBH I wouldnt have even asked him if he had bought anything so wouldnt have realised to put his name on ds' gift and card.
Asking him "have you got your dad anything for father's day?" would feel a little like stepping over the line.

[Cymar]

So you CBA to buy anything for your DC's to give their dad on Father's Day, and you didn't give them some money and prompting to get something themselves to give to him, yet you berate the OW because SHE didn't put your DC's name on HER DC's card and present!!!

What exactly did you expect her to do? She has no obligation to your kids OP. If your kids didn't have a Father's Day card and present to give their dad because you CBA and didn't prompt your DC's to do so, then that's your problem, not the OW's.

[mumblechum1]

Maybe she assumed the boys had already given their dad something?

12 and 14 year olds who don't make any effort for Fathers Day are, imo, making a point as they're perfectly capable of doing something if they wish to do so.

[MrsKravitz]

How would you have reacted if she HAD bought a father's day card for him on behalf of your children? Im sure you wouldnt have been impressed with that. I know my husband's ex would have gone mental if I'd done that and would have been accusing me of "playing happy families" etcetc etc

[Bearinthebigwoohouse]

That's the life of a stepmum .... damned if you, damned if you don't . My aim was always that dsd would never be upset. I suppose it depends whether the children wanted to do something or not - and if they didn't it was insensitive to give the present in front of the children. There was absolutely no need for that.

[Bearinthebigwoohouse]

I think she was being mean. If she realised the girls didn't have anything for their Dad then she could have included them and said the present was from all of them. It can't have been nice for them to see that and must have made them feel uncomfortable - there's no way I'd ever have done that to my dsd. It's not going make them feel part of the family is it?

But while I do get how much it sticks in your throat when your ex does nothing for birthdays, mothers' day etc, you do have to rise above that and make sure that the children are doing what they want to do, and enable them to do it.

[meltedchocolate]

YABU. Very I am afraid. 1. Your kids are old enough to sort themselves out so there was no excuse and what the gf did I don't think was targetted but even if it was, your children should have got him something, and 2. If you think you are responsible for that stuff still and they are not old enough then you should have got him a card at least, regardless of how much a crap person he is.

[nooka]

At 12 and 14 it is entirely up to your children to decide if they want to do anything for both mothers and fathers day. Neither is compulsory, and both are surely supposed to be about children appreciating their parents.

Fine for your OH and BF to organise something with your children (not sure why you thought your ex would or should do anything for you, as you both quite clearly dislike each other it seems to me that would be totally hypocritical), they obviously did that because they love you, and thought it would make you happy. Which is great.

Presumably your children don't particularly love their dad or aren't really into the whole fathers day thing otherwise surely they would have done something for him. If they felt bad it's because they forgot or chose not to, nothing to do with the gf. With my children dd will usually remember to do something and ds often forgets. I don't make dd share her card/present with ds because I don't think that would be right - he's 12 and well able to manage (if he wants to), so he usually does something nice for his dad on the day.

[M0naLisa]

He maybe your Ex but he is your childrens father. You could have helped them make him one. so yabu imo. My two boys are 3 and 4 and all thry have gone one about for a few weeks is fathers day this and fathers day that and how they are making a card etc etc then they wanted to make him some buns yesterday so we did. We are married btw but still children LOVE occasions like this.

[TheOriginalFAB]

The first their is meaning your exes girl friends childrens dad.

[TheOriginalFAB]

I really don't get why you think your exes girlfriend should have included your children in giving presents to their dad or even why you think she should have got them something to give to their dad.

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

I think it is super weird to get your child to buy your boyfriend a father's day card.

No way will I ever be organising my children to give such a card to some future new boyfriend of mine.

That said, Father's Day is a crock of shit, so I'll never be encouraging my DDs to get anything for DH either. Hallmark holidays are all about rows and bad feeling.

[Mamaz0n]

How do you know what she is like as a mother if you have not met her?
I would beware of judging a person by what others tell you

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

OP... Whether you think your ex's girlfriend is a bitch or not, if you had sorted out father's day for your children, she would have been wrong-footed, wouldn't she?

I think you're being unreasonable and I think you don't want to listen to anybody who's telling you that.

Your own children are also well old enough to sort out mother's day as well if they wanted to. It's a bit ridiculous to me that teens need to be treated as children and what's the point if it all had to be organised by your friend and partner?

I know you have problems with your ex, he sounds horrid, but for you childrens' sake, nobody else's, maintain a civil arrangement with him. Your children will one day be able to look back and see where the flaws were; don't let them see them as yours too.

[Pictish]

They are 12 and 14???

OP...I think your dislike is getting in the way of your sensibilities!! What a load of old minge this is!

[Pictish]

YA deffo BU. Sorry.

Why on earth would you EVER expect someone else to do that on your kids' behalf, when YOU didn't?

[Gay40]

If you didn't want your kids to look twats, then you should have sorted the Father's Day cards with them. However, I think they are old enough to think for themselves on the matter.
Not the gf's responsibility. She got her kid sorted out.

[mumblechum1]

tbh I think kids of that age are perfectly capable of noticing that it's father's day and buying a card or just making one on the pc or whatever.

I don't think you should be criticising his girlfriend for not making them do it, it's not her responsibility but neither, given their ages, is it yours.

DS just went off and bought his dad a present and a card with zero input from me. He does the same for Mother's day with zero input from his dad.

[bubblecoral]

Maybe his new DP is a bitch, but I don't think she did anything wrong by getting her dd to give her step Dad a Fathers Day card. It's not her fault that they had nothing to give him. That's your fault and your dc's fault. They are old enough to have thought of something even without your input.

You are looking for it to be something horrible that she has done, when she could well have been thinking that she was just doing a nice thing for her dp.

My ex, who I get on well with now, made me out to be a complete bitch to his new girlfriend so if she thought I was awful, that was all down to him. Your ex may have done the same.

[MsTeak]

You do come across as pretty obsessed about her though, you've been posting similar stuff for a long time.

@14 and 12 they could easily have done something for themselves if they wanted to, and if they felt shit about not having anything for him, its not her fault, no matter how much you hate her, or how much that is or is not justified.

[slightlyunbalanced]

No I don't tell my kids what I think and I don't rant on FB either just here where its safe!!