aibu to think that women with less children than me should wind their necks in...

[bentpenny]

Just a quick one but my youngest ds had the most almighty tantrum today on the school run and one mum actually stood watching and smirking like it was some kind of spectator sport. Another one of the school run charmers shook her head and tutted. It's amazing what bitches women can be when we all know how hard it can be.

Another woman today gave me a long lecture with top tips and advice about how to pooty train my youngest. She has 1 child.

Ok, thats it -rant over. But do you ever get the feeling that some women think that anything more than 2 dc's with 5 years apart and a nanny is frankly a despicable thing to do.

[RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles]

immortal I was told I was BFing DC3 wrong too. By a student HV who was about 12 and hadn't had children. Yeah - because you really know how to do it from experience right? She shut up soon afterwards. Funny that!

[BitOfFun]

I meant to sympathise with a woman with a tantrumming toddler with a battle-weary "Little buggers, eh?". What actually came out of my mouth as I breezed past was "I fucking hate children".

whoops

[RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles]

Norman indeed. My older three have less than 3 years between them and while we managed perfectly adequately, a degree of chaos was to be expected. Doing it all again with DC4 who is really like an only child in many ways - I could run the flipping country I have so much time on my hands in comparison. Frankly (to me anyway) one DC on her own, is a piece of piss.

[RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles]

BoF. yy done that too!

[berylmuspratt]

I have 1 child and he was ok with the pooty training. I wouldn't have laughed, stared or tutted at you though, but that has nothing to do with having one child and more to do with not being a git.

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

I have tons of kids and never pull rank. Its pointless. As someone pointed out upthread [in a rather vile way] you have loads and still be rubbish.

People dont always know you have more experience. People have assumed with every one of mine that they were my first. I just nod and smile tbh. They are usually just trying to be helpful. (though not so in the OP)

Except once. Some twat on another forum was telling me that a two year old who bit another child was 'bullying' them and that biting at two years wasnt a normal [if alarming behaviour] but learned and caused by bad parenting. Her child would never bite - 'not on her watch' because she was a good parent. She also said that her mum had told her that 'we didnt have biting and scratching in the 70s' hahaha.
So I admit I did point out that as she had ONE child and I had five, worked in child development and a degree in the same subject I probably knew a bit more about it than her. I also pointed out that unlike her I was alive in the 70s and her mum was having her on big time

Readers - I wasnt proud of myself but it was the only way. Please forgive me.

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

BOF hahahaha

If you had said that to me in the middle of one of mine tantruming I would have kissed you!

[paisleyII]

some people definately have an issue towards women with one child. I know sadly from experience that some (just some) women who have more than one child think that a women with one automatically looks down on them for having so many, i guess it may look that way 'i only wanted one, why would you want more'. when in truth, i think for many women that have 'only one' it couldn't be further from the truth.....

[activate]

I have 4 DC

I bow to the superior knowledge of those with 5 DC

I laugh mockingly at the knowledge of those with 3

do I win?

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

Wouldnt cross my mind. I only knew that people judged family sizes since coming on MN and NM!

Well thats not strictly true. I knew health visitors had views they were happy to share on the subject

I know someone (no details just in case) who has a very large amount of children. I wouldnt take parenting advice from her if my life depended on it.
I know people with one or two kids who I would happily ask for tips.

[NorthernGobshite]

Erm, correct me if I'm wrong, but are you saying that having more children makes you a better parent than me because I only have one child?

[NoWayNoHow]

Haven't read the whole thread, but empathise with tutting strangers and unwelcome advice mid-tantrum.

Not particularly impressed, though, by your insinuation that somehow because you have more than one child, you're a more capable, multi-tasking parent, and that anyone with fewer children should shut up because they don't know how easy they've got it. Quite disrespectful IMHO.

[Happymm]

Was in the park the other day with my DC. Another mum there with her PFB. Turns and stares at me and mine and asks "HOW many children have you got?". Cheeky cow-I only have 3 of the little darlings :o

[NoWayNoHow]

Sorry, meant for that to read that I empathise with OP with regards to tutting strangers, etc.

[TattyDevine]

I really don't think the OP thinks she's better at parenting simply because she has more.

I think its just a teaching your grandmother to suck eggs type indignation.

But I think the OP is missing the point that its not how many kids the person has - its unsolicited advice or unsupportive behaviour. That's annoying from anyone, regardless how many kids they have. I'm sure she would be annoyed by that from Michelle Duggar !

[paisleyII]

i would LOVE more than one but am infertile. i think i am a darn good mum although not text book, would love to have had another try to see if i could have done some things better the second time around. was often made to feel an outsider by (some) mums of more than, as if i was somehow not quite part of the gang, that 'i wouldn't know' - possibly my imagination and the huge chip on my shoulder but no, definately some truth in that vibe, made school gate days a misery in the early days, don't care much at all now, well, a bit...

[PotPourri]

OP - I get what you are saying. I really get it.

Reality is that parenting is really bloody hard, and even the slightest (even imagined) whiff of superiority makes you think the people are right nasty cows. It may or may not be true, but either way, every parent has tough times, and I would agree that lots of children is a mathematical certainty that you will have more tough times with them due to having to go through the toddler tantrums period 3,4,5 etc times.

I make a point of telling people how bloody difficult I find it, as people are always commenting how calm and controlled I am. And I find they open up so much more that way, and we can both learn from each other. Yeah, I have learnt the hard way on some things, and if said in the right way it could give someone something to try. But I would never have the cheek to act all know it all about where someone is going wrong. We are all going wrong somewhere - fact!

[gethelp]

Struggling round supermarket one afternoon with three under-fours, doing quite well I thought, until an elderly lady came up and said "I used to let my children sleep in the afternoon", and scuttled off. Terrific.

[naturalbaby]

i totally get where op is coming from. may i please join in with the rant (i will anyway!)
i have more than my fair share of kids but whether i'm with 1 or all of them i don't expect an audience or running commentary when i have issues with any of them. i appreciate offers of help or support if people think i'm struggling but otherwise i'm not putting on a show for them. i also don't expect to be lectured or given 'advice' about how i 'should' be doing things in any aspect of my life. i find it really, rediculously rude.
my blood boiled when mil someone muttered "dear oh dear oh dear" at my overtired, crying toddler. how is that helping anyone?!?

[firemansamantha]

Everywhere I go people seem to piss themselves laughing at me trying to control my two (almost 3 and 9 months).

Today the checkout lady had a good cackle at how the baby was the bully and was pulling the older ones hair and smacking her in the face and wasn't it funny all the while i was thinking if you helped me to pack the shopping lady then I could separate the little gits.

Someone else had a good chuckle at me telling the older one not to strangle the baby. I must make it seem like such enormous good fun!

As for your OP, sorry, I have no idea what you're chatting about, justr wanted to share!

[PotPourri]

It does sound a bit amusing as you tell it samantha (that's a good thing)

[noddyholder]

what does wind your neck in mean? It sounds painful

[bonkers20]

It will never be perfect. I have 10 years between my 2 DCs. Sometimes I'd quite like some advice because Thing 2 is an entirely different creature to Thing 1 and just because I've done it before doesn't mean I don't have things to learn. One of my HVs was a bit bad at this. I actually did want to hear the weaning talk and what have you.

On the otherhand I don't need to be told how to suck eggs by someone with their PFB. I think it depends on who's dishing out the advice, how it's done and whether you want it or not, regardless of how many DCs you have.

I admit that I do sometimes get some pleasure in mentioning that "yes, I know, I have a 12 year running wild around the village at home".

[ReindeerBollocks]

I was ok with one, but am rubbish at two, and will be hopeless if I ever have a third!

I don't smile at mums who are dealing with tantrums - I just do the 'thank feck it's not me' silent prayer. There are days (which are frequent now DD is in full independent toddler mode) when it's my children behaving at their worst. I just try to be clam and know that it'll soon pass I hope.

But no, having more children doesn't equal being a better/more experienced parent.