to not want them to make my child call them "Aunty/Uncle"

[vvviola]

The step-Dad naming thread reminded me that I was irritated by this, and I thought I'd see if I'm being very irrational about it.

We have friends who insist on other children (i.e. our DD, DC of their friends) calling them "Aunty Name" and "Uncle Name". At the weekend when we all met up, I've noticed that they've also started referring to us to their DC as "Aunty Viola" and "Uncle Viola's husband".

I'm quite uncomfortable with it. Aunt/Uncle to me is a very specific title - and refers to siblings (half/step included) of the parents - and, in our family uncles & aunts of the parents too. My DD has plenty of uncles and aunts and they are very special to us.

AIBU to find it weird that they are so insistent about it (and if I'm not, how do I make them stop?!)

I get that they do it as a sort of a "you're a good friend, and it's a nice title" but I'm just finding it more and more irritating. (I will admit to finding it doubly irritating when the husband of the couple does it as I don't get on as well with him and find him quite odd, so that may be feeding in to it)

[scarletfingernail]

*OTheHugeManatee I think you might be right with the North/South thing.

My family are all Southerners and my friend and DH who I described above are Northerners. Come to think of it, I'd never knew of anyone doing this until I moved North.

[exoticfruits]

I come from the north and don't do it.

[mrsbiscuits]

Why would you want to be called Aunty or Uncle if you aren't one? Weird

[choccyp1g]

Round here, (in my house anyway), we call acquaintances Mr or Mrs Firstname, and old friends of the family and next door neighbours Aunty and Uncle. But I did check first with the adults what they wanted to be called.
School friends' parents are generally known by first names, but I notice that parents often forget to tell visiting children what to call them. I recall as a child calling grown-ups nothing at all because I didn't know what to call them and realise now that it actually sounds rude. I try to get DS to call his friends parents Mr or Mrs until they say "call me x".
I help out at school and most of the children who would call me "choccy" when visiting make a point of it being Mrs.Pig at school.

[skybluepearl]

think you are over reacting sorry. it's quite sweet of them really

[exoticfruits]

I don't think it is sweet of them, they are giving themselves a relationship they haven't got.

[thebestisyettocome]

I like it. We were encouraged to call certain family friends Uncle/Aunty whatever. It's a term of affection or as Peter Kay once said, a term used to describe people who your mum and dad go drinking with

[FreudianSlipper]

ds calls close friends aunty ... and uncle ...

but this is normal for me, my dad is asian and you address anyone older(within reason) related or not as aunty/uncle (well is in my family/circle) to not do so is disrespectful no matter how old you are

[partyhats]

In Asian cultures it is incredibly rude to call an elder by their name. My parents friends are all auntie and uncle. Even elders we don't know are aunties and uncles e.g. postman, milkman etc if they are also asian. I did not know it could cause offence as I often ask my dcs to call our non asian friends Auntie x, Uncle x etc. Oh dear, another thing to worry about.

[Hassled]

Blimey - my DCs don't even call my brother Uncle X, they've only ever just called him X. I had no idea the calling parents' friends Aunty thing was so common.

[exoticfruits]

It is alright if people like it, but OP doesn't. I am not having people put aunty in front of my name-the DCs can use my first name-if the parents think it not respectful (I don't know why if I have asked them) they can use Mrs-which seems odd-but NOT aunty.

[DumSpiroSpero]

I can see why it irks you that they've taken it upon themselves to call themselves Auntie & Uncle, it is a bit cheeky.

As a general thing though I don't have a problem with it. My DD's godparents are close friends of mine, and are all known to DD as Auntie/Uncle. This is important to me as I'm an only child and I consider them to be my 'chosen' family. Dd's best friend & her little brother both call me 'Auntie' with their parents blessing and it means a huge amount to me as I will never be a biological auntie.

It's obviously a very personal thing though, but can't really see a way round it without causing offence, unfortunately.

[thebestisyettocome]

That is so lovely Dum. You sound like a great Aunty.

[FreudianSlipper]

i call my mums (english)sister by her first name, never aunty but i would not dream of calling my dads (sri lankan) sisters/brother/friends/associates by just their first name, i jsut seem to fall in line and ds will have to too

funny though how it jsut seems normal and everyone does it

[maypole1]

Again I think this is a cultural thing I am black and it's a big no no to call any elder by their first name that includes my sisters older friends any one even at the ripe old age or 30 and my oh could never call my mum by her first name or my nan he has to call her mummy as dose every one else


Were as my oh is White and calls everyone in his family by their first names except his mum and dad it was a big shock for me and I felt a little ashamed calling them by their first names as i don't even know what my nans is as no one is allowed to use her name

[M0naLisa]

My best friend is 'aunty' to my kids. I've known her since we were 3 - 22years I class her my honourary sister :)

[Rhinestone]

I hate it too! My god-daughter has been encouraged by her parents to call me Aunty Rhinestone. I would much rather she just called me Rhinestone.

We were Aunty Rhinestone and Uncle Mr Rhinestone to the daughter of some new friends of my DH's parents BEFORE we'd even fucking met them! Madness and quite strange in that it encourages a level of trust with complete strangers which is wholly weird.

Anyway, YANBU OP and you should feel free to tell your friends that 'Aunty' and 'Uncle' are titles you wish to reserve for family.

[exoticfruits]

My god-daughter calls me my name. It is a special relationship-she isn't my niece.

[thebestisyettocome]

We get it exoticfruits. You don't like or approve of it.

[exoticfruits]

Well neither does OP and yet people keep telling her they like it or it is cultural-I don't see how it helps!

[FreudianSlipper]

like yourself others are sharing their opinion and experiences

but when it is cultural its very important. for me not to call an elder aunty or uncle would be taken as me being deliberately rude or disrespectful, if its not a cultural thing then its choice

[niccibabe]

YANBU. They are being presumptious, and their continued insistence is downright rude. They are making your DC uncomfortable, which is unpleasant of them.

We try to teach children that people who try to ingratiate themselves or pose as relatives don't always have the best intentions. This may be the source of your DC's discomfort. However, we should be teaching children to be wary of such ploys, and people like your friends only confuse matters for the DC.

One couple we know have appointed themselves 'Uncle' and 'Auntie', and unfortunately DH let them away with it when our DC was born. It really gets on my nerves.

On my side of the family, as children we were actively forbidden to call non-relatives 'Aunt' & 'Uncle' - my parents would correct us, and tell us to call the person Mr or Mrs Surname.

These days, you could perhaps encourage your children to call these people by their names.

[DuchessofKirkcaldy]

My cousins little boy calls me Auntie. She is a single parent (DP left her whilst very pregnant) and an only child. She really wanted her child to have someone who would be his honourary Auntie as she has a really close bond with hers (my Mum, obviously) I was very happy to be put into this role and it seemed natural because as cousins we had been raised very closely.

My best friends DS (4) also calls me Auntie she asked me if this was ok on the day of his christening, I was godparent, and she wanted to reflect that bond.

all other friend DCs just call me by my first name.
Mrs S....... is my MIL!

[niccibabe]

DofK - your situation shows people being considerate - your friends seem lovely. It makes a world of difference if DCs parents are keen for their DCs to have the parents friends be known as 'Auntie' and 'Uncle' and ask the friends to participate. It takes away the icky falseness of friends unilaterally chosing to give themselves a title that makes DCs and their parents feel uncomfortable.

[exoticfruits]

All that the thread has really esablished is that some people like it and some don't.
In case of OP,if the DCs are very young, which I guess they are, and you like the friends- then you will just have to go along with it. Once they are of an age where they are saying 'Aunty Viola', rather than your friend referring to you as 'Aunty Viola' you can just say to the DC 'just call me Viola'-I don't see how the mother can then complain.