to not want them to make my child call them "Aunty/Uncle"

[vvviola]

The step-Dad naming thread reminded me that I was irritated by this, and I thought I'd see if I'm being very irrational about it.

We have friends who insist on other children (i.e. our DD, DC of their friends) calling them "Aunty Name" and "Uncle Name". At the weekend when we all met up, I've noticed that they've also started referring to us to their DC as "Aunty Viola" and "Uncle Viola's husband".

I'm quite uncomfortable with it. Aunt/Uncle to me is a very specific title - and refers to siblings (half/step included) of the parents - and, in our family uncles & aunts of the parents too. My DD has plenty of uncles and aunts and they are very special to us.

AIBU to find it weird that they are so insistent about it (and if I'm not, how do I make them stop?!)

I get that they do it as a sort of a "you're a good friend, and it's a nice title" but I'm just finding it more and more irritating. (I will admit to finding it doubly irritating when the husband of the couple does it as I don't get on as well with him and find him quite odd, so that may be feeding in to it)

[vvviola]

Thanks for all the input everyone! (I didn't intentionally post and run, I was away with only limited Internet access)

I can see it seems to be one of the things you either like or you don't.

I really don't think the culture argument applies here (we know plenty of people from a similar background - including DH! - and this couple are the only ones who do this)

I would have no issues at all if it was cultural, but it isn't really & the insistence is bugging me a bit.

Anyway, I think to avoid offending I'll just grit my teeth. As I expect we won't see much of them as the kids get older, it may not be a major issue in the end.

[TidyDancer]

I am aunty to my Goddaughter, despite not being related to her genetically. I am, however, the closest thing she has to an aunt, since her mother is an only child and her father has one brother. I'm cool with it, her parents were proactive about me adopting that title, so it's all for the best with all of us. There are children I am genetically related to that don't call me aunty, even though we are close. It doesn't really matter, it's how you treat the children that counts, I think.

[oldsilver]

As a child growing up parents' siblings were known as aunty/uncle [first name] and adult friends/neighbours/anybody else were known as aunty/uncle [last name] or Mr/Mrs [last name] depending on their age.

To my bessie mates daughter and son I was always olds except when her DD asked if she could call me aunty cause she loved me as much as she did her real aunty.

[IHateMarlo]

Been chatting to OH about this, as stated above I think I may have a bit of a thing about it, he thinks I?m mad. OH is Indian and anyone of his parents age , their name is automatically appendaged with ?ji? as he explains it, Auntie/Uncle is the nearest translation, while not been an exact translation.

Drives me up the bloody wall, he?ll start talking about a nephew/ niece, and what he will mean is the child of a cousin. He?ll get really hacked off with me when I say that is not a nephew etc. To me these are biologically terms i.e.: describing the relationship, the blood link.

Sorry am not been very clear, wine has been taken, but I think that using these terms incorrectly is wrong, and confusing. I grew up in a large family in a small village, lots and lots of cousins around. If I?d called/thought that all my Ma?s friends were Aunt/Uncle I would have assumed that their kids were also relations, dating pool would have been tiny tiny. . . . .

[nagynolonger]

YANBU
This sort of thing was the norm when I was growing up in a small village. It did confuse me because there were so many 'aunties'. I did eventually work out that the very old ladies were not my aunts at all they were often maiden ladies who just liked to make a fuss of us and give us sweets.

My own DC always referred to Godparents and family friends by their first names.

[LoopyLiz88]

I grew up doing this with my nanna's freinds and some cousins who were my grandparents age. I still call my nanna's best friend Aunt Shirley as do my dc. It would seem wierd to me to call her anything else. However if it makes you uncomfortable then YANBU

[PlanetEarth]

My brother got told off for calling my mum's friend (not any kind of relative) X instead of Auntie X as it was disrespectful - my mum said, "She's Auntie X to you." He was in his 20's at the time!

[limitedperiodonly]

We try to teach children that people who try to ingratiate themselves or pose as relatives don't always have the best intentions. This may be the source of your DC's discomfort. However, we should be teaching children to be wary of such ploys, and people like your friends only confuse matters for the DC.

Completely agree Niccibabe. This was my mum's view. Though she didn't think everyone was a paedophile she didn't want me to get confusing messages. She also didn't think a child should be made to feel uncomfortable for the sake of appearances.

She wouldn't make me kiss people or make conversation if I didn't want to either. She would just say: 'oh, she's a bit shy' and let them deal with it.

[LDNmummy]

In my culture it is a respect issue, but because of the nature of our family structures, you call your biological aunts and uncles mum and dad as they have almost equal authority in your life. Its just a different way of doing things and many young people from my community, if not all, still do this except with people they feel they really don't know that well to bother with.

It is primarily done out of respect, so if I don't know someone enough or respect them enough, I just call them by their name. But usually I say aunty or uncle.

It actually is a nice thing because you can have more than one mum or dad in my culture who actually fulfills that role incase you need it and many people do this. It keeps a sense of strong community and thusly in no way belittles the title as people genuinely take to the role the title denotes IYSWIM.

But if you don't like it, each to their own. My child will call my very close friends aunty and uncle because I feel that is more respectful and I have explained this to my friends. I wouldn't however ask my child to call someone aunty or uncle if that person feels it is overstepping some sort of boundry, most of my friends are not from my culture so I am sure someone may find it a bit of an adjustment.

I say it depends on how close these friends are and the age of your DC. I stopped calling certain people aunty and uncle when I became of age for it to be considered no longer necessary.

[valiumredhead]

YABU, they are probably using it as a form of respect. My ds calls my best friend and his godmother 'aunty.' He knows she's not my sister but sometimes we call very special people aunty or uncle.

God, it was years before I realised that not all my grandmother's WI friends weren't actually related to me and at my grandmother's funeral 2 years ago, all my 'auntys' were there :)

[exoticfruits]

All that the thread has really esablished is that some people like it and some don't.
In case of OP,if the DCs are very young, which I guess they are, and you like the friends- then you will just have to go along with it. Once they are of an age where they are saying 'Aunty Viola', rather than your friend referring to you as 'Aunty Viola' you can just say to the DC 'just call me Viola'-I don't see how the mother can then complain.

[niccibabe]

DofK - your situation shows people being considerate - your friends seem lovely. It makes a world of difference if DCs parents are keen for their DCs to have the parents friends be known as 'Auntie' and 'Uncle' and ask the friends to participate. It takes away the icky falseness of friends unilaterally chosing to give themselves a title that makes DCs and their parents feel uncomfortable.

[DuchessofKirkcaldy]

My cousins little boy calls me Auntie. She is a single parent (DP left her whilst very pregnant) and an only child. She really wanted her child to have someone who would be his honourary Auntie as she has a really close bond with hers (my Mum, obviously) I was very happy to be put into this role and it seemed natural because as cousins we had been raised very closely.

My best friends DS (4) also calls me Auntie she asked me if this was ok on the day of his christening, I was godparent, and she wanted to reflect that bond.

all other friend DCs just call me by my first name.
Mrs S....... is my MIL!

[niccibabe]

YANBU. They are being presumptious, and their continued insistence is downright rude. They are making your DC uncomfortable, which is unpleasant of them.

We try to teach children that people who try to ingratiate themselves or pose as relatives don't always have the best intentions. This may be the source of your DC's discomfort. However, we should be teaching children to be wary of such ploys, and people like your friends only confuse matters for the DC.

One couple we know have appointed themselves 'Uncle' and 'Auntie', and unfortunately DH let them away with it when our DC was born. It really gets on my nerves.

On my side of the family, as children we were actively forbidden to call non-relatives 'Aunt' & 'Uncle' - my parents would correct us, and tell us to call the person Mr or Mrs Surname.

These days, you could perhaps encourage your children to call these people by their names.

[FreudianSlipper]

like yourself others are sharing their opinion and experiences

but when it is cultural its very important. for me not to call an elder aunty or uncle would be taken as me being deliberately rude or disrespectful, if its not a cultural thing then its choice

[exoticfruits]

Well neither does OP and yet people keep telling her they like it or it is cultural-I don't see how it helps!

[thebestisyettocome]

We get it exoticfruits. You don't like or approve of it.

[exoticfruits]

My god-daughter calls me my name. It is a special relationship-she isn't my niece.

[Rhinestone]

I hate it too! My god-daughter has been encouraged by her parents to call me Aunty Rhinestone. I would much rather she just called me Rhinestone.

We were Aunty Rhinestone and Uncle Mr Rhinestone to the daughter of some new friends of my DH's parents BEFORE we'd even fucking met them! Madness and quite strange in that it encourages a level of trust with complete strangers which is wholly weird.

Anyway, YANBU OP and you should feel free to tell your friends that 'Aunty' and 'Uncle' are titles you wish to reserve for family.

[M0naLisa]

My best friend is 'aunty' to my kids. I've known her since we were 3 - 22years I class her my honourary sister :)

[maypole1]

Again I think this is a cultural thing I am black and it's a big no no to call any elder by their first name that includes my sisters older friends any one even at the ripe old age or 30 and my oh could never call my mum by her first name or my nan he has to call her mummy as dose every one else


Were as my oh is White and calls everyone in his family by their first names except his mum and dad it was a big shock for me and I felt a little ashamed calling them by their first names as i don't even know what my nans is as no one is allowed to use her name

[FreudianSlipper]

i call my mums (english)sister by her first name, never aunty but i would not dream of calling my dads (sri lankan) sisters/brother/friends/associates by just their first name, i jsut seem to fall in line and ds will have to too

funny though how it jsut seems normal and everyone does it

[thebestisyettocome]

That is so lovely Dum. You sound like a great Aunty.

[DumSpiroSpero]

I can see why it irks you that they've taken it upon themselves to call themselves Auntie & Uncle, it is a bit cheeky.

As a general thing though I don't have a problem with it. My DD's godparents are close friends of mine, and are all known to DD as Auntie/Uncle. This is important to me as I'm an only child and I consider them to be my 'chosen' family. Dd's best friend & her little brother both call me 'Auntie' with their parents blessing and it means a huge amount to me as I will never be a biological auntie.

It's obviously a very personal thing though, but can't really see a way round it without causing offence, unfortunately.