to not want them to make my child call them "Aunty/Uncle"

[vvviola]

The step-Dad naming thread reminded me that I was irritated by this, and I thought I'd see if I'm being very irrational about it.

We have friends who insist on other children (i.e. our DD, DC of their friends) calling them "Aunty Name" and "Uncle Name". At the weekend when we all met up, I've noticed that they've also started referring to us to their DC as "Aunty Viola" and "Uncle Viola's husband".

I'm quite uncomfortable with it. Aunt/Uncle to me is a very specific title - and refers to siblings (half/step included) of the parents - and, in our family uncles & aunts of the parents too. My DD has plenty of uncles and aunts and they are very special to us.

AIBU to find it weird that they are so insistent about it (and if I'm not, how do I make them stop?!)

I get that they do it as a sort of a "you're a good friend, and it's a nice title" but I'm just finding it more and more irritating. (I will admit to finding it doubly irritating when the husband of the couple does it as I don't get on as well with him and find him quite odd, so that may be feeding in to it)

[itisnearlysummer]

viola I think your DDs position clearly indicates that she doesn't feel that closeness to them either!

[limitedperiodonly]

My mum hated it and wouldn't allow it with the people who wanted it. It didn't mean we didn't like or respect friends' parents but we already had real aunts and uncles who I called by their first names.

She encouraged me to call my friends' parents Mr and Mrs Friend. If she was talking to me about them she would also use Mr and Mrs and if she was talking to them or other adults she would use their first names.

Some people tried to impose it but I carried on doing what my mum told me to do without even thinking about it. Perhaps they thought I was rude but looking back they were being ruder by trying to impose their ideas of manners on my family.

I had one friend with very young parents who wanted to be called by their first names so that's what I did.

I prefer to be called by my first name by children but don't kick off if they call me Aunt Limited. The only children who do that are my nieces on DH's side because BIL and SIL like it. It jars with me but I don't complain.

BTW the word 'aunty' used by anyone over six makes me cringe.

And no, we're not posh and I was brought up in the olden days.

[SpecialFriedRice]

My DD calls my best friend Auntie [Name]... DD is 3 and has known my friend her whole life, I've known her for 8 years. DD has more of a relationship with my friend than she does with my sisters (purely down to distance so she doesnt see my sisters often). My friend has been there for her birthdays and my DD adores her. I think she deserves the title Auntie.

On the other hand my sisters fiancé I never considered my DD's uncle really even though they've been together since before DD was born and they have children together. It only occurred to me when my sister wrote it on a gift tag.

But I dont think the auntie/uncle titles should be thrown round willy nilly. You get the title by blood or for deserving it.

[limitedperiodonly]

Oh, YANBU, obviously

[happystory]

I agree with liberty. We had these 'aunties/uncles' when we were small and I'm sure it stemmed from my parents generation not liking adults to be called by their first names by children but they were close friends so you couldn't call them Mr/Mrs X. But ours got b* confusing as my real auntie and my mum's friend has the same first name so we had to call the not-auntie Auntie Pat Smith......

I didn't start it with my children and my friends, to my children, are known simply by their first names.

[FruStefanLindman]

I agree with you, OP. I don't really like it either. I, too, am of a generation where we called our parents' friends Mr&Mrs, not aunty/uncle. Although, one couple I'm sure I just called by their first names, oddly enough given they didn't have DC and, I'm sure, were probably rather 'correct' in their attitudes.

There was only one unrelated couple who were aunty/uncle to me, and similarly my parents to their DC - but our families have known each other for, probably, at least four generations on our fathers' sides.

I was rather taken aback a couple of Christmases ago when we were round at one of DP's cousin's house - his DS, DS's DW and their DC were there too - DP's cousin produced a Christmas present for me, gave it to one of his DNeices and said "give this to Aunty Fru". I was a bit . TBH, these days I would have thought he'd have just referred to me as Fru.

[Eglu]

YANBU. I think it is up to the parents to decide who their child calls Aunite/Uncle.

If they are not happy with first names have your DC call them Mr & Mrs XXX

[Melly19MummyToBe]

Gah! No YANBU! I HATE this! My DPs brothers fiance has 2 brats kids, nothing to do with my DPs family at all. And not 5 minutes after she was first introduced to us we all had titles! DPs parents are grandma and grandad, DP and his other brothers are uncle, and I'm auntie. They are NOT my nieces, never have been, never will be. Can't stand the little brats if I'm honest. They're so bloody rude.

[snailoon]

I think it is respectful to call people whatever they want to be called. Children can learn that people are different and like different things. I hate kids calling me Mrs-- and am very comfortable with first names only.( I don't like Aunty because all of mine were terrible mean alcoholic old ladies, so I have bad associations with that title.)

[montmartre]

My children call our closest friends 'uncle' and 'aunty' but they are from a culture where it is the norm to do this, and indeed even as adults they do it to their parent's friends still!

As they get older though, I expect we'll drop it, as they have no objection to being called by their first names.

I am obviously hideously old-fashioned as I find it jarring to be addressed as Monty by 4yos! My toddler keeps using our forenames atm as he is trying to understand all the names we have (ie different forms of address for different occasions). But then- he wants to be permanently addressed by the dogs name atm himself

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

vvviola... It's difficult, isn't it? You don't want to cause offence but the aunt/uncle thing really g-r-a-t-e-s. We got around this with my best friend and DD by picking an innocuous word instead of auntie... my friend has now been christened 'Twinkly Amanda'... she thinks it's because my DD sees her as 'twinkly' but it was very nearly 'Wrinkly Amanda' and would have been if up to my DD. .. but a bit of negotiation and everybody happy now.

It's a minefield...

[bluebellewood]

Traditionally it is very common amongst Northern working class. Possibly origins derrive from living in overcrowded conditions.

[MrsCarriePooter]

Not all my friends but our children's godmothers (who are not relatives) are both Auntie X. Actually that's interesting - just realised the godfathers who aren't relatives are not Uncle Y, though - thinking about it some more - probably because they don't see them that much whereas both the childless godmothers are great and come round.

All my godparents were Auntie and Uncle and were my parents' friends, but I don't think anyone else was.

[thumbwitch]

When I was a child I always called parents of other children "aunty" or "uncle"; ditto friends of my parents. Random adults were called Mr or Mrs Surname. First names were only used for peers.

I have an Indian friend who tells me that all adults known to her family were called Aunty or Uncle as a sign of respect for their age status.

I don't really have an issue with it - I follow the lead of the person involved; so if they introduce themselves as "firstname only" then DS learns to call them that - if they prefer Aunty or Uncle, then DS calls them that (very few these days). When it comes to important people in DS's life, like his godparents, I do like to remind him of their "title" so he knows what relevance they have to him.

[JoySzasz]

Sometimes I ask my children to use the Aunty/Uncle before before a name(if it is a very close friend)

Sits well with me :)

As my eldest has grown up, he has started to drop the 'Aunty' bit though...

[RoseC]

I like being called 'aunty' as I'm not one yet and it confers a closeness with the parents/child. Don't mind being called by my first name either but I think the honorific is a way of marking closeness - if you don't feel close to them OP then I can see why you would find it uncomfortable.

From the perspective of someone who didn't have any grandparents growing up (older parents) I would also say that some older 'aunties and uncles' have become substitute grandparents. I'm not sure that would have happened if I had called them by their first names, which places them (in my mind and accordingly to my upbringing) in a peer rather than respected elder setting.

[TandB]

I don't see a problem with it at all. It is a respect thing - perhaps slightly old-fashioned to some people, but still pretty common.

When I was a child all adult family friends who were close enough for us to see regularly were aunty x and uncle x and I always understood the reasons and the difference between them and my blood relations. I have only relatively recently (at the age of 35) stopped referring to two family friends as aunty and uncle and started using their first names.

My boss's two daughters call me aunty KFP which I quite like.

On the other hand, my DP's nephew has been taught to use our first names and we don't particularly like it - I don't see the need to drop a normal family title, especially with young children.

[exoticfruits]

YANBU. I wouldn't want them called auntie and uncle ,if they are not. If they think first names are too familiar call them Mr and Mrs Surname.

[geraldinetheluckygoat]

This is really common in a lot of Asian and African families. I think it's quite nice...

[OTheHugeManatee]

It's a cultural thing. DP grew up in Liverpool, where any adult with more than a tenuous connection to a family is 'Aunty X' or 'Uncle Y'. I find it a bit confusing when DP refers to 'Aunty X' who is in fact just a friend of his mother's, but that's just the way they do things, like calling dinner 'tea'

In contrast my rather uptight Home Counties family wouldn't dream of calling someone 'Aunty' if they weren't related - in fact IIRC I never referred to my mother's late sister as 'Aunt X' even when I was small. My brother's DC don't call me 'Aunt OTHM' either but then I'm a shit aunty so don't really blame them .

I don't really care either way, so don't see there's much to get het up about.

[PatriciaHolm]

Many parents, I think, worry that it's disrespectful for their children to call adults by their first names.

We've never done the false aunty thing; our very good adult friends are known to our children by their first names, as we are to friends' children. It always felt odd otherwise; but then my children have 9 aunts/uncles (including wives/husbands of siblings) already including 2 with the same name but different gender so adding more would have got really confusing!

[PlanetEarth]

Trouble is, we're in limbo here with names...

When I grew up, grown-up friends of the family were Auntie/Uncle, and those we didn't know so well were Mr/Mrs...

But now, Auntie/Uncle is old-fashioned, haven't heard it used this way for years.
Mr/Mrs is even more old-fashioned and many people think it's too formal.
Firstname (from a child) is rather familiar.

So what to do? I don't know. My kids' friends mostly call me Firstname and I don't really like it, but don't want to be MrsEarth (don't go by "Mrs" anyway...). I would rather be AuntyPlanet I think but they'd probably think I was off my rocker.

[scarletfingernail]

YANBU I'm not comfortable with it. I'm not sure whether it's a respect or old fashioned thing. I just thought it was what some people do and some people don't.

My family have never referred to anyone as "Auntie/Uncle name" not even my parents when they were growing up. Even genuine Aunts and Uncles have always just been called by their first names by children in my family.

I had a friend at school who must have had about 70 Aunties. Everyone her mother was friends with became "Auntie name" which was quite confusing for her as she also had a very large extended family where all female relatives including much older cousins were referred to as Auntie. She never seemed to know who she was and wasn't actually related to. As it turned out she had only 2 proper Aunts. 1 her father's sister and 1 her father's brother's wife.

DH didn't have to refer to parents' friends as "Auntie/Uncle name" but wasn't allowed to refer to his Aunts and Uncles only using their first names. It was always "Uncle Peter" etc. Now he's in his 30's it makes me cringe a bit to hear him still doing it.

As for my DS I've not yet decided how to handle this. I know my own sister is happy for him to use her first name only, but DH's sister refers to herself as "Auntie Sarah".

If I were you OP I would tell my friend straight "DD's aunt's and uncles are the siblings of myself and her Dad. We prefer to use the term in the correct traditional sense, I hope you're ok with that."

I know it's something other people have a different POV on and I understand how people think it's nice. For me though, it signifies a special relationship within the family and isn't a title I'd like to extend to friends. I've even said to my friends when they've referred to me as "Auntie Scarlet" in front of their kids that I prefer just Scarlet. Don't be scared, your values are just as important as hers, more so when it comes to your DD.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

years ago i called my parents friends aunty xxx as as others have said more polite then saying xxx

couple of my frinds dc call me aunty blondes and i dont mind

my god children call me aunty blondes

[exoticfruits]

I don't have a problem with it. It doesn't really bother me if my nephews and nieces leave it off-and I will definitely get them to when they are adults.
I like first name whatever the age, I am not having friend's DC putting aunty in front. If the friends have a problem they will have to use Mrs.
My DCs call all my friends by there first name, it hasn't cropped up, but if they objected it would have to be Mrs (or Ms if they preferred).