To ask inlaws not to smoke around my 10 week old DD in their own home...

[1Catherine1]

Going to stay with the inlaws for 2 weeks (I have no say in the matter) at the end of the month and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm a non smoker so the smell is awful to me but I grew up around smokers so I'm not rude about it. My OH smokes but not in the house and he isn't allowed to hold DD for at least half an hour after smoking.

Last time I visited the inlaws I barely ate anything as not only do they smoke but they smoke at the dining table which put me completely off my food but as it is their home I said nothing and just thanked them and told them I was full.

I don't like to make a fuss and if it is just me putting up with it then I'll shut up and bare it but it's bothering me because of my DD.

Would it be unreasonable for me to ask them not to smoke in the same room as my DD while in their home? Is it unreasonable to tell them not to hold the baby while they smell of smoke? Am I being unreasonable to feel like this?

I can't speak to OH about this as he is convinced I hate his parents (I don't)... That is a whole different story but if I bring this up and I am being unreasonable then it will only reinforce his belief that I hate them IYSWIM

[SnuffleTurtle153]

totally - 3 fags a day. Tis my treat to myself! (Don't remember claiming to shower between them... But yes, change of clothes!)

[1Catherine1]

You lot should join the police force.... Had a busy day - just caught up with all your posts.

It is in fact abroad - it was supposed to be 1 week but OH booked the flights and took the cheaper tickets that made it in fact 12 days (so not quite 2 weeks but as good as). Unfortunately I don't have the finances to stay in a hotel in Barcelona and as much as I can refuse to go if I like I cannot forbid him to take our DD if he wants to so me refusing to go would achieve nothing apart from me not being there as the only non-smoker.

He thinks I have a problem with his family for stupid reasons such as me being unhappy that his parents came to visit when LO was 2 weeks old and then I got the responsibility for how they got from the airport to my house - in reality I was mad at him for this not them as they offered and he said it was ok, and I'd do it . There is also a little incident when LO was 6 weeks old and wasn't sleeping - after having 4 hours sleep over a whole weekend I was given some clothes for LO that I didn't say thank you for. Someone could have given me a thousand pounds at that point and I wouldn't have thanked them as the only thing I wanted was sleep I have tried to tell him this but he gets defensive when it comes to his family.

Thank you all for your suggestions - I will ask him what he thinks we should do about it and poke until I get my own way and remind him what the HV said. He can speak to them before we go. I needed to know I wasn't being unreasonable as I'm sure the inlaws will agree to any reasonable request - they are nice people unfortunately we don't speak the same language so it has to go through the OH.

[TotallyLovely]

SnuffleTurtle153 (mentioning very quietly) that it sticks to your hair and skin as much as your clothes and that actually to give it up (assuming you want to) psychologically you would need to stop thinking of it as a treat. Totally random I know.

[cannydoit]

i smoke, wouldnt smoke around children though. went to visit my mum, she is a dyed in the wool smoker and she smokes around my kids would never think to ask her not to its her house after all and if i am not happy with it i dont have to go there.
you can say to you pil that quite simply not coming if you smoking round the baby.

[FromThePeg]

Dear 1Catherine1

I think the person who suggested depersonalising it is very sensible - although never easy.

Try this one on them:
El riesgo a su bebé se aumenta si cualquier persona en la casa fuma, incluso si es en otro sitio, con una ventana abierta o con un ventilador o un ioniser.

[The risk to your baby increases if any person in the house smokes, even if it is in a different room, with an open window, or with a ventilator or ioniser. Translation courtesy of Babelfish ]

This is a serious issue, however, and you need to get it sorted. The child of my next door neighbour died of cot death - they were both smokers at the time - and 30 years later they have still not really got over it. As one of the major risks to your child, you can't ignore it. Could you point your DH to "neutral" (i.e. not anti-smoking) websites such as Babycentre or to the ISPID website, which is the international infant death website (and which is also categorical about not smoking). and they have a whole section on prevention.

Good luck

[1Catherine1]

Brought up the issue with OH - and he replied with "nobody is going to smoke in the house while we're there" he also added that the room we're staying in has never been smoked in. He made it quite clear that he would not tolerate it. Seems like he's covered it already but due to me not speaking Spanish I didn't know. All that worry for nothing...

I might still push him to giving up as someone on the thread pointed out - just going outside to smoke doesn't make it safe.

[TeenieLeek]

OP, maybe he thinks that you have a problem with his parents because you haven't learned any Spanish to help you communicate directly with them? It sounds like he's done exactly the right thing about the smoking and that they are happy to comply, so why not take the opportunity to learn a bit while you are there.....after all, presumably your daughter will grow up speaking it and you wouldn't want to be left out of all the conversations between her and DP?