MIL calling the house at 11pm for bloody nothing, after being told multiple times

[yukoncher]

I am fuming.
MIL once again calling at 11pm, at her leisure, I ignore it as I don't want to snap at her, she just came round to the house banging on the window, wants to know if I found a key I'd lost earlier. I can't actually believe it.
I just acted offish and she's gone home to get her spare key to our house to help us lock up. We live on a bloody farm, noone comes by here anyway.

She's rang after 12 midnight before aswell, then from 7am onwards!
I'm a light sleeper.
DH coyly asks her not to call so late or early, she ignores it. Then he goes 'oh it didn't work' and doesn't bother telling her again.
Arg
I'm so annoyed.

[hairfullofsnakes]

exactly penguin, they are at fault as they allow this stupid bullying to happen! aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[PenguinArmy]

Fucking hell

Why is she even allowed in your house anymore?

[hairfullofsnakes]

Sorry but the word that springs to mind is PATHETIC - how Pathetic that you and your dh (especially your dh and i fully agree with the poster who asks how can you sleep with him when he let's his bitch of a mother act like this) let her get away with this

Why does this type of scenario crop up time and time again and why do you people not realise you facilitate this behaviour by doing nothing about it?! Why do you allow this? Why do you allow your lives to be so miserable?! It is soooooooo frustrating to read!

[2rebecca]

I would never live next door or within a 10 minute walk of any relative. If you do and don't want them hassling you you have to be firm at the outset, agree they phone before coming round and agree appropriate times to phone.
It sounds as though you tell her too much of the minutiae of your life if she's getting in a tizz about a key you can't find.
Tell her less and make it clear you want more privacy.

[ledkr]

Id secretly like mil to hit me so i can give her the bloody slap she deserves for being a nasty piece of work Some blokes are so weird when it comes to their Mums,it such a common problem,made worse by the fact they arent the ones on the recieving end of their nastiness.My dh caught mil in the act so couldnt fail to believe what id told him for yrs. She was so gutted.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

You live on a farm, she lives next door. Are you farmers and therefore cannot move from this house? Did she and her husband previously run the farm? Does she think she's still running things?

As to the slapping incident - you need to sit your husband down for a bigtime talk. His lack of balls has allowed it to be glossed over. 'Served cold' my arse, 'swept under the carpet' more like. It still needs to be addressed. Were photos taken of your arm at the time?

[supercal]

I've had my own problems with my MIL. Various issues but the final straw was when she called me then DH when drunk and ranted about me. He told her in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS not to do that again and that he, me or our kids would not be seeing her again until she apologised. She eventually did (in a card, not face to face, but it was a step forward), and we have an OK relationship now.

What was most important for me is that I didn't have to tell DH to lay down the law to his mother, he did it off his own accord as it was the right thing to do.

[supercal]

It's your DH you should be furious with. You are trying to enforce boundaries with your MIL and he's just pissing all over them.

[TooJung]

You have loads of options which are legal and do not involve violence. Just get determined about keeping trouble at arm's length. My mil is next door too, but I have to say she has never hit me so I'm a lot luckier.

She may want to be boss, but her territory needn't extend to your house, body, children and your night times! You get to be the boss of your patch :) Good luck.

[DoubleNegativePanda]

My feelings were initially hurt, but now I am glad my MIL decided she didn't like me anymore last year, AND that she moved away to New Mexico! I never see her and she never calls!

My mother does occasionally call late at night because she's forgotten the time difference, but she's always very apologetic

[MonstaMunch]

Gaed, i think you could all do with a little bit of growing up tbh

[skybluepearl]

gosh just read more of you posts. can you sell and move away? what a nightmare she is. agree you should have gone to the police to report her hitting you.

[skybluepearl]

dont answer the door or phone - say between 9pm and 9am? tell her this is what you are doing

[CatPower]

If your husband won't stand up to her (for the sake of the kids if nothing else), I think you might have to.

If she insists on ignoring you and continues to phone at all hours, report her for harassing phonecalls and ask for a new phone number. I know it's a hassle but she might get the hint when she realises. Get a cheap PAYG phone and give her the number for it - say she can call you on that number only, then switch it off once it gets too late in the evening. If she insists on coming round and banging on your windows, phone the police (non-emergency line). Maybe a stern word from them might make her realise that her behaviour is at best childish and at worst malicious.

[duckdodgers]

"DH says 'she'll be dead soon anyway'". Something has obviously gone seriously wrong in their relationship if this is his attitude to his own Mother. I would hate to think of any of my children saying that about me when Im old.

[ENormaSnob]

FFS your dh needs to man up big time.

I am appalled at this.

How can you sleep with a man that allows this?

[yukoncher]

She was walloping me on the upper armn, I had a strappy top on, she did that, I tried to protect my 4yo from seeing (who was hysterical) I shouted DH as he was in another room and she slapped me again, and DH grabbed her and dragged her away as she was going for me for the third time. DH toldf her he hated her and never wants to see her again. We wanted the kids car seats out of her car so we could get away for a few days, and she refused to let us get the seats.
I had raised hands prints in my arm for the rest of the day, where she'd hit me.
I said this isn't fair I wanted to do a police report, (but they'd believe she was a lovely old woman anyway probably)
DH said 'revenge is a dish best served cold'.
As in he doesn't need to give her any consquences for doing that 'yet'.
I know he said that to avoid doing anything about it.
And it's a few months later now, and ';we're all friends' apparently. I sit in another room if she invites herself round. She's coming round here again, doesn't even knock. Calls all morning day and night.
DH says 'she'll be dead soon anyway' because she's old.
I think she'll certainly live for a good 20 years more, she's really healthy.

[ENormaSnob]

Hells bells.

She physically assaulted you and you and your dh still speak to her?

I think you've married a rather pathetic mummys boy.

[TheOriginalFAB]

Just because someone is a relative doesn't give them the right to do stuff to you or yours that you wouldn't tolerate from anyone else.

[pink4ever]

Do you mean by "slapped me" that she actually assaulted you?. What did you do and more importantly what was your dhs reaction?. I am not particularly fond of my own mil but if she did that to me I would never speak to her again.

[StellaSays]

FFS she slapped you

Is there any way you can afford to move, not far, maybe to next town/village just out of range?

She sounds awful, you need to get really firm with her behavior.

[TidyDancer]

She sounds horrible. And abusive. I wouldn't be next door to her if she was my MIL and she wouldn't have contact with my DCs. Anybody who unjustly punishes my child and hits me when I object is not worth the air they breathe.

[BelleEnd]

She slapped you? And you and DH still speak to her?

[bellavita]

Rule No 1 - never live next door to your MIL....

Yes there was a thread about a MIL phoning at 6.00 am every morning.

[letsblowthistacostand]

My FIL has not quite figured out how to work his mobile phone. We get calls at all hours that are just the sound of the pub and nothing else. Or he calls and leaves a message and then doesn't hang up so half an hour of him pottering around the house. Tis fun.