To Wonder About MIL wearing black for our wedding?

[gogo678]

Marrying DP in 3 weeks time (eee).
MIL has taken ages to find outfit. has chosen black suit with tiny cream dots on, patent black shoes and a patent black handbag.
AIBU to wonder what she's saying?
History is that in the last year we have had some issues with her over her taking over house and dd when she visits. DP has had words with PILS about house stuff. She is also very jealous of my mum who sees dd a lot more regularly.
I thought it was all sorted and we were getting back on track with them until I found out this...
Normally I'd say black to a wedding fine but don't most people accessorise with colour rather than more black?!

[CheshireDing]

gogo678 it's odd but I would not worry about it, just enjoy your day.

My Mum wanted to wear white on my wedding day and she had already bought the dress, I told her no and that she would have to buy something else. We are quite direct in our family though and it works for us (most of the time).

We gave both our Mums a buttonhole flower - just made it a bit more girly than the boys ones.

[NoWayNoHow]

gogo, sorry not read rest of the thread, so apologies if I'm repeating!

If it were me, I wouldn't ever wear black to a wedding. Just something my mother taught me was not acceptable (same goes for white are any variation on that theme). Having said that, that's just what I would do because of how I was brought up.

Unless your MIL attaches those same connotations to colours at weddings, then I think you probably have nothing to worry about.

As her what she thought of Victoria Beckham's outfit at the royal wedding (my first thought was "she looks like she's going to a funeral"! )

If she says anything like what I thought, then she probably is making some kind of statement by wearing black, as it would show that she at least has an awareness of how black at a wedding can be perceived.

A weird long shot, I know!

[EssexGurl]

I thought that Posh looked fab in her black outfit to the royal wedding on Friday. Also, Kate had worn black to a friends wedding recently and looked fab - even though fashion commentators were a bit unsure. I think that it can look great. My sister and I thought that at the RW Carole looked wonderful but a bit to pale - as did Camilla. So, going too pale can be a bit upstaging the bride, whilst black will contrast.

I think you are overthinking. I told my friends to wear what they felt comfortable in to our wedding - our witness had a navy suit and looked lovely in that , she was a bit self conscious of her weight and didn't want to wear a dress.

[pigletmania]

My MIL wore black to my wedding but she is between a size 28-30. So mabey it was more complementary.

[lesley33]

I would ask her if she wants a corsage. It is fairly common for both mothers to be given these - so its really not worth creating upset by not providing one if wanted.

I still don't see anything wrong with her outfit tbh. At one time it would have been thought to be wrong, but I really don't think the rules are as strict now. And lots of women wear black as it is seen as slimming - she won't want to look awful in the photos. I would personally have worn black shoes and a black handbag with the outfit described - but I am probably crap at accessorising and would have seen these as a safe choice.

And I can understand her being jealous if your DM sees DD more than her. I know it is natural for you to want to spend more time with your own mother; but MIL is DD's GM too.

[Maiasaurus]

Ask her if she'd like a buttonhole. Not all outfits lend themselves to a great big flower pinned on, but if she'd like one and doesn't get it she will be miffed.

[gogo678]

Surely if my mum doesn't have one though there's no reason to get pee'd off?
I really hate buttonholes/corsages and would like to do less for the men than I have to!
Flowers I am allowed to get bridezilla about - everyone bar none will be scrutinising them at my wedding.

Lesley33 - But MIL has bought the shoes especially and dp, me dp's db and fiance have bought her the handbag (to her strict specification). I would understand if it was because she already had them a bit more.

[Jaquelinehyde]

I wore black to my own wedding, nothing wrong with it as far as I'm concerned.

Mothers should be offered a corsage, either to pin on or wear on wrist if preferred. Ask before you make them up though as some people hate them.

[WhiteBumOfTheMountain]

Do MIL a buttonhole....my Mum didn't get one at my brthers wedding and she was pee'd off!

[WhiteBumOfTheMountain]

No I did not Salmon I ignored it...she was ridiculous.

It was an attempt at reverse upstaging....but she just looked like a crazy woman and nobody gave her the satisfaction.

[whimsy]

I can see what your saying but then again my MIL and both SIL's wore white and cream to our wedding She also told DH it wasn't too late to back out on the morning of the wedding
14years later and were still going strong and I still talk to her

[lesley33]

I would wear black shoes and have a black handbag at your wedding. I don't wear stuff like this often so this is the only court shoes and handbag I own. I chose black because I thought it was supposed to go with everything.

[Salmotrutta]

@ WhiteBum - - that's awful! Did anyone say anything to her???

[WhiteBumOfTheMountain]

My MIL wore JEANS to my wedding...with a stripey jumper with holes in the cuffs.


People were andwhispering about the pics....I would not give my MIL the pleasure of a rumpus though and made sure she was prominent in all the pics!

She looked a bugger.

Black is fine. Your MIL mght not be good at accesorising...

[gogo678]

I work in horticulture so my friends are helping me do all the flowers. Not sure I've ever done female button holes for a wedding before!! Must google now.

[MarioandLuigi]

mourning

[MarioandLuigi]

My MIL wore black morning dress to our wedding.

She fucking hates me and the feeling is mutual.

Sorry :(

[Salmotrutta]

Buttonholes - I never remember who is supposed to buy the buttonholes but usually both mums have them if that's any help . Probably not!

[PoppetOne]

I understand how you feel but I would ignore it. See what other reactions she gets but I would rise above it and enjoy your day.

SIL wore long, strapless, cream dress to our wedding which I didn't think anything of until everyone mentioned it the day after! Apparently, staff at the wedding venue were in a flap as they thought she was the bride and had turned up early! Lol!

[gogo678]

Apparently they are really really tiny polka dots.
Should I be doing her a buttonhole??? I am only doing buttonholes for groom, best man, ushers and dads currently.
Wasn't going to do anything for mums with flowers (except give them each a centrepiece post wedding).

[gogo678]

Maybe you are right TidyDancer. I would fine spending whole days with her just us two very difficult though.
When I did ask her when dd was 10 weeks old and I had to do a KIT day for work (trying to keep balance equal between her and my mum back in the day) it got really messy with arrangements and in the end it was dh who put his foot down and said I couldn't drive that much in one day and work. Dd does sleep a bit now though so a bit easier. I will keep your post in my mind.

[Salmotrutta]

It does seem to be different nowadays but total unrelieved black would not be my choice. Better to have some other colour included like the suggestions above.
But you say there are cream polka dots so maybe you are being oversensitive?

I actually thought Posh's outfit was total black at the RW until someone pointed out that it was midnight blue - still didn't like it though.

[Icoulddoitbetter]

Her outfit sounds lovely, if I'm honest. Sometimes older people go all out to wear colour at weddings and it really doesn't look that great. My mum wore navy to my wedding and looked great, but then my bridesmaids wore black so obviously I'm not sensitive about it!

You other problems are a separate matter I feel. Make sure she's got a nice bight buttonhole and it'll be fine. Have a lovely wedding

[gogo678]

I will then return to obsessing about my hairpins and my pregnancy symptoms and leave her alone! Thanks all.

[TidyDancer]

Yes, it should be (mainly) his responsibility, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything. If you have a few days free, inviting MIL wouldn't be that hard would it? And picking her up from a train station isn't a huge imposition really, even if it is quite far away. If she's anything like my mum (similar age) then she'll be nervous about changing trains, rather than trying to be awkward or precious.

Your MIL is seeing you invite your mum all the time and she never gets an invite. Is it any wonder your relationship with her is not the best and that she hogs your DD when you are with her? I'm not saying the woman is an angel, it seems from what you've said that there has been a history there, but if you want to improve things (hopefully you do?), it won't hurt to make an effort.