To Wonder About MIL wearing black for our wedding?

[gogo678]

Marrying DP in 3 weeks time (eee).
MIL has taken ages to find outfit. has chosen black suit with tiny cream dots on, patent black shoes and a patent black handbag.
AIBU to wonder what she's saying?
History is that in the last year we have had some issues with her over her taking over house and dd when she visits. DP has had words with PILS about house stuff. She is also very jealous of my mum who sees dd a lot more regularly.
I thought it was all sorted and we were getting back on track with them until I found out this...
Normally I'd say black to a wedding fine but don't most people accessorise with colour rather than more black?!

[queenred]

If this were any other 'common or garden' guest, or indeed any OTHER guest, it would not matter at all. But as it is your mil, think people will see it as some kind of statement. 'Look at me. My son is dead to me!'

On the other hand, maybe she thinks nothing of it.

All depends on whether or not she likes you, I suppose.

[PlopPlopPing]

Why can't you wear green to a wedding? I've never heard of that before!

[LittleOneMum]

My Mum wore a black dress to her own wedding (lovely evening dress). Second marriage. I think it's fine!

[BanalChelping]

I have to say that I think that wearing black or green to a wedding is terribly bad form and your MIL would know this (also I think dark colours look shit for a spring/summer wedding). My MIL wore dark green to our wedding, scowled in all of the pictures and changed into scruffy jeans with socks and sandals for the evening reception. It was a definite statement about her feelings. I guess when she dies I'll just have to wear bright red to her funeral

[wotnochocs]

Cos it's slimming!

[melikalikimaka]

There was a guest at the royal wedding wearing a black outfit which did look a bit gloomy, but she wore black tights with it which made it worse.

Saying that my Mom wore a black dress with polka dots on it and she wore a cream hat and shoes, she looked nice. She was a large lady and had a job finding anything that looked good.


There may be a good reason for her outfit, but I think a protest is probably the last reason she has chosen it.

[lesley33]

In terms of black at a wedding, I always think would the person wear that to a funeral. And no you wouldn't normally wear a black suit with small white spots on it, unless you were very young and nothing else. I don't think what she is going to wear is a funeral outfit.

[lesley33]

sapphire - I remember you posting this before - how awful. I always think though in situations like yours, that the best response is just to ignore it. All the guests will just think the MIL is being awful and will never believe anything she says afterwards about her DIL being difficult.

[sprinkles77]

does she normally wear black? My mum wore the same black dress to my brother's wedding and to mine. I wore black to my brother's. We wear a lot of black in my family. I wouldn't worry.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

OP... Perhaps your MIL to be wanted an outfit that she can wear again for other occasions so wanted something not so traditionally 'wedding-y'. Perhaps she looks good in black and particularly likes 'dots'? Perhaps she doesn't like you, doesn't think you make much effort to include her and perhaps it is a subtle 'snub'?

Your posts read to me that you're more concerned with what other people will read from your MIL's outfit, that they will think she doesn't like you/approve of the wedding. You're marrying into a family and with that comes some responsibility to develop/build on relationships.

If you can bring yourself to perhaps take your MIL out for a coffee and cake or at least extend an invite to something before your wedding, you might be able to circumvent any hurt feelings on the day. If your guests can see that you have a relationship with your MIL, the colour of her outfit won't make a jot of difference.

Don't be a 'bridezilla'.. I really hate that term , and for goodness sakes, don't foist a buttonhole on your MIL, it will be the equivalent of a tomcat marking its territory. Compliment your MIL on her choice of classic outfit instead. :)

[Piggles]

At the risk of sounding really dumb, I didn't even know it was frowned upon to wear black to a wedding. That bit of etiquette seems to have passed me by. Is it possible she doesn't know either and is unaware of what her wardrobe choice is saying to you?

My MIL actually wore all black to my wedding, but as she seems to like me I will assume it wasn't some coded message that completely passed me by

[Boobz]

ooo, sausagesandmarmalade - is your dress from Ted Baker?

[PlopPlopPing]

Sapphirefling Was that a joke about your ex MIL wearing white and a veil?!

op I wouldn't worry about it. Just concentrate on gettingready for your wedding and don't worry about what MIL is going to wear, it is her choice after all and there's not much you can do about it. Although perhaps casually in conversation that you think that black outfits often look stunning accessorised brightly.

[onceamai]

I'm surprised how many think black is appropriate at a wedding. A guest might nowadays get away with some black but not a principal guest. I always thought that guests should never attend a wedding in black or white/cream for that matter.

[gogo678]

She's pretty tall and willowy anyway. Not sure she needs to looker slimmer!
Thanks all for your comments.

[home79]

I wore a mainly black dress to sis's wedding. As its slimming. I would like to think she wouldn't read anything into it.

[kaid100]

Compared to how my MIL acted for our wedding (and at my wife's sister's) I think that you're getting off lightly if a black dress is all you have to worry about.

[saffy85]

I wore black to my SIL's wedding, much to MIL's horror. I was 4 months pregnant, skint and it was only thing that fit that I could afford. No double meaning. Can't remember accessories... they may well have been black too.

[unsurevalentine]

She either has weight issues or


She hates you

[Sapphirefling]

Ex MIL wore a white dress with white hat and veil to my wedding.

OP, if I was you, I wouldn't consult her about a corsage - I'd just present her with a huge one made from a sunflower

[skybluepearl]

i wore a black dress with tiny spots to a friends wedding but asked how my friend felt about it first. it would be polite for your MIL to do the same.

[RatherBe]

My MIL wore black to our wedding (including a very large black hat) and then pinned on her buttonhole upside down. I was left with a definite impression of a message being sent!

[parakeet]

I often wear black to weddings as I wear a lot of black generally as I find it slimming.

What the heck does it matter what she wears? Ignore.

[CarefulWithThatAxeEugene]

She's probably gone for something that she can wear again and again for different occasions, and so would I. Black for weddings may have been beyond the pale at one time, but nowadays not so much. As someone said, it's been ratified, so to speak, by the widely-published pics of KM wearing black to a wedding.

[catchmeifyoucan]

Meh. I wore black to my own wedding. I don't think it was a statement although...............