AIBU?
To ask you honestly, if you think are circumstances are such that we could afford three children??
twoorthree · 29/04/2011 22:24
DH and I are seriously considering a third DC at the moment. I REALLY want another one, but honestly, I don't know if we'd be more sensible financially to stop at two.
Have namechanged, am going to give our exact financial circs and would be grateful if you could give your opinion on whether or not we should stop at two (based on financial circs alone, as in all other areas we are very keen to go ahead).
We live in the SE
- Have a mortgage of 175k on a house worth 250k
- DH earns 43k a year
- For now I am a SAHM (when I gave up work my full time salary was 40k a year, I hope to go back to p/t employment at a lower salary when the DC are in schooL)
- We have savings to dip in to day to day of circa £15k
- No debt
- DC both have trust funds set up by DH parents (no idea of what is in them but apparently enough to put them through Uni). We have never asked for this, or been consulted on this so kind of in the dark here.
Live in a 4 bed house.
twoorthree · 29/04/2011 22:31
Actually, thank you.
I think that has crystallised things for me.
I keep feeling that I need someone's 'permission' to have another one. I mentioned to my MIL that we thoguht we may have a third and she said "can we afford it?" in a very snooty away, as though she was financing our entire lives.
As I say, they've put money away in trust, we know nothing at all about this money. I guess she's made me feel bad implying that we couldn't possibly provide for another one on our own.
squeakytoy · 29/04/2011 22:36
There is no guarantee all your children will want, or be able to go to university, and I have never understood why parents feel they HAVE to provide their children with a deposit for a house.
You are in a very comfortable position to raise another child, in comparison to the average family, so go for it.
Maryz · 29/04/2011 22:41
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
naturalbaby · 29/04/2011 22:46
i'm in a very, very similar financial situation to you but have been out of work for nearly 2yrs since dc2 arrived. dc3 is now 3months old 
still can't believe i have 3 kids!
dh has seen a financial advisor and is saving hard while the kids are costing very little (dc1 hasn't even started nursery yet) and i'm thinking about what kind of job/career change i'm going to get when dc3 is a bit older.
MayBankHoliday · 29/04/2011 22:49
Lots of people have three children with less money than you have. The trusts and your MIL should not be influencing your decision - it's not about money or your in-laws, it's about whether you would like another baby. Try not to think about what anyone else thinks. It's your decision, and you don't need anyone's permission.
nobetterthanthat · 29/04/2011 22:51
I'm much poorer than you and I'm trying for my 4th.
We do put a bit in saving every month towards big expenses such as tuition but it won't come close to covering it but DH and I both worked through uni and are paying off our loans and we put down our own house deposit. It would have been lovely to have someone pay our fees and buy our house but not at the expense of not having another sibling. We are both one of three and both wanted 3 but now we have 3 we want 4 greedy. I wouldn't if it meant not being fed and clothed properly but I would rather have a sibling than a house deposit anyday and I'm sure I'm not unusual in thinking that.
TheRhubarb · 29/04/2011 22:58
This is why you shouldn't.
Think of the size of England and how much of our green belt is being sucked away to make affordable housing.
Now think about what if everyone has 3 children - how much bigger would our population be?
Yes you can say that some people don't have any, or stop at one, but in reality how many people do that?
You should replace you and your dh with two children if you thought about the population. No more than that.
Other practical issues:
Food comes in packs of two or four.
Holidays come in packages of even numbers.
Family tickets to days out etc come as a family of four.
Everything is catered to you having no more than two children, economically wise, so you would be considerably poorer having to cater for an extra one. Think about your shopping - packs of yoghurts (fights over the last one), ready meals, 2 for 1 offers.
You just don't take account of the extra cost that one child contributes, but it is actually quite a lot.
Don't do it.
You did ask!
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