Oh god.
I've posted about him before, luckily he lives abroad so we don't have to cross paths too much.
He's a complete narcissist/mysogynist an has a very ugly very scary manipulative streak. He hates me and becomes obsessed with bullying me very cleverly when he visits (he will do things when we are left in a room alone like spitting in my tea, throwing rubbish at me etc)
he is just an out and out bad person.
He as decided he will come to PIL for Xmas - well at first he said he would only come to our house 90 miles away from PIL, I said no immediately.
I can get around him at Xmas- I will spend Xmas eve, Xmas morning and boxing day with my family.
Both PIL and DH know what he does now after witnessing a nasty incident where he called me a bimbo whore with shit for brains. So I know I have some support.
Anyway, I'm 7 weeks pregnant and we were planning to tell out families at Xmas- thought it would be lovely etc etc :(
I don't want him to know. I just know he will turn it into a living hell for me.
It's mad because I was never bullied as a child and have always stuck up for myself but since DH told me BIL was coming I've been so stressed- my hands were shaking and sweating and it's started again now I've started writing about it.
AIBU?
To not want BIL to know I'm pregnant and be devastated he's coming for Xmas
Ladyofthehousespeaking · 12/12/2010 12:14
Yes I think we will just have to wait, o don't drink anyway so it won't be too hard to cover it up.
I might tell my siblings and swear them to secrecy - there's five of them so it will save me a massive phone bill 
Oh dear, you poor thing!
It sounds like you are going to be able to avoid him most of the time anyway; I hope your DH will be able to spend some of the Christmas period with you as well, though.
YANBU to not want him to know you are pg; so why don't you wait until the 12w mark before you tell anyone? That will take you way past Christmas and be a lovely brightener for everyone in the come-down period post-festivities.
I have a very dodgy BIL as well. Very. MIL is being Unhelpful at the mo; she knows he is dodgy, but she is now accusing me of "splitting the family" because I won't allow my DS (just 3) to be around him after the shocking scenes he has enacted around us. Plus he can't stop swearing and he is so rude to and about DS - who is now of an age to understand when people are being unpleasant.
I am very angry that she has accused me of causing problems - there is only one cause of the problem, and that is BIL. But I can't say anything of course because it's "not my family" (yes, I have been told that 
) so have to stew in silence, or take it out on DH who actually agrees with me but also bears the brunt of it from his mother. His response to her accusing me of causing a rift is "we're all to blame". Er, no, we're not. BIL is.
Hope you manage to get all the support you need - do tell your DH that you are getting distressed about it already, because you really need to be reassured you won't have to deal with this excuse for a man, as stress is not good for you in pg.
I think you are right to not want anything to do with this vile man, and also to want to hold off spreading the joy about your great baby news. This is abviously going to be a really special moment when you tell the PILs and you certainly don't want that to be spoiled, as you fear it will be. It's your and DH's news to share, not BIL's to spoil, so your DH can tell him after Christmas when he's crawled back under that stone of his. This isn't just you that needs looking out for now - there's someone else to consider, too, and this man is not allowed to stress you out! 
Congrats and have a great Christmas - without the BIL hanging around like a bad smell.
Stop letting this vile man have any control over you and your life!
Keep the PG news a secret until after this shite has slinked back to whatever unfortunate nation that is unlucky enough to have him call it home. Mind you, if it's Egypt, GOOD, that place is welcome to him, he'll fit right in [dgrin] Deny this piece of work the opportunity to ruin your happy time. He can't make you unhappy if you don't have anything to do with him.
Go and visit your lovely PIL in the new year and tell them then, make it special without this dreadful person. Make alternative plans this year with your DH. This will be the last christmas you and he get to spend as a couple, as next year you will be a family!! 
If your BIL is not respecting his brother, by not respecting his brother's wife, then he will not respect your DC either. the Baby can be the catalyst you need to call FULL TIME on his contact with you and your child.
No-one will question your motives for staying away. TBH, your DH needed to say something and to say that there is no way on earth his B is allowed to be so rude to his DW.
You are in the right here you don't deserve this, you don't need to be the bigger person, but you need to draw a line and say, Er, no, I won't have it. He's no relative of yours, you owe him literally nothing.
Huge congratulations btw!!!
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