to not want everyone to visit within minutes of me giving birth

[nattiecake]

My DH and mum will (hopefully!) be with me for the birth. My dad will prob not be around at all as he will be starting work in Scotland soon (babas due in 4.5 weeks)

However when my nephew (DH's brothers son) was born, we all piled in to the delivery room about 10 mins after he was born. Not having any children then, it didnt occur to me that she would not want people there quite so soon after labour!!

I told my DH today that I want him to make sure that just me and him get some time with the baby straight after hes born, and that I dont want six million visitors before i even have chance to meet my baby myself. Especially as i want to breastfeed him and want chance to get used to doing this.

However I got the impression that he thought i was being very selfish (he obviously wouldnt say as much to a heavily pregnant lady, lol), and also made a point of saying "do you expect my mum to just leave after hes born, or is it different cause shes your mum?"

I do mean that i just want it to be lierally the two of us, for a short while at least, but I do also think that I would be much more comfy "bonding" with my mum and sisters being around than my inlaws and their extended family....

AIBU? and wheres the middle ground? ideally I'd like them to wait til we're home and hopefully even settled in (assuming all goes to plan) but i know that his family will be comparing this to last time, and i dont want anyone thinking im being precious, but i want time alone to get to know my first child....

[expatinscotland]

If she wants her mother, who's seen her naked, puking, having diarrhea, who changed her nappy, taught her to shite in a toilet and use a tampon or towel, etc. there, how is that less understandable than wanting someone who never had that level of intimacy around her?

I mean, WTF?! The labour and delivery are happening to her, to her body, she's got a right to have whomever she wants there and whomever she wants not there.

[TheHeathenOfSuburbia]

Apart from anything else, being nervous/anxious can slow down your labour.

The last thing you want is to be pushing away on the home straight, as it were, with a worry in the back of your mind about who's about to barge into the room. Not helpful.

[TheHeathenOfSuburbia]

By the way, have you actually phoned the hospital to check? There's always the hope they might have changed the rules since your SIL was there...

[Dartsissolastseason]

I have to agree with Oldjolyon and duellingfanjo. I come from a close knit family. I see my parents at least twice a week and speak to mum and dad almost every day. BUT, they also respect my privacy, as I respect theirs. They did not push to see either dc asap and they and the extended family waited until I was ready for visitors, which actually meant a lot to me. DH was the only non-medical person in the operating theatre (dc1) or delivery suite (dc2) and was very supportive, in ways not even my mum could have been.

My dcs have very good relationships with all grandparents.

[fairybubbles]

YANBU, when I had DS I had an emerg C-section at 7.15am after a difficult labour from 6pm the previous night. I was only on the ward a few hrs when the family all visited, so by lunchtime that day I had all my family and all DP's family there. DP's family even filmed me and I still had the cathater in FFS. They all stayed for the whole 2 hour visiting slot!

With #2 on the way I have already decided I dont want any visitors until I say I am ready. At least a day or two when I can be washed and dressed and sitting up and have the breastfeeding well underway. That's with the exception of DP and DS who I would like around as much as possible so we can bond as a family of 4.
Good luck with it all x

[MrsMerlothasabadhead]

nattiecake, would not letting anyone else know when you go into labour be an option?

Could you come to a compromise with dh now about when he phones people?
i.e instead of phoning his whole extended family to tell them you have gone into labour, ask him to wait until you get to hospital and know you are in established labour.
Perhaps play it off as you not wanting people coming out on a false alarm?

Then whilst in the hospital, you can put him off ringing. Besides, when he sees how much pain focused you are whilst labouring he probably won't want to get on the wrong side of you add any distractions (extended family waiting in he corridor would have to be a distraction surely?)

He can then phone everyone shortly after the birth, and invite them to come and see you. (or ask that they leave visiting until you get home!)

With this option, by the time they get there you should be out of the delivery room.

[diddl]

TBH, I don´t see why it´s not acceptable to phone after the baby is born & say you´re welcome to come tomorrow or whenever.

Perhaps if you can reassure him that your mum will go after baby is born?

Could he also reassure him that if you let his mum come ASAP-from your point of view-he will make sure she doesn´t stay long if you´re not really up to it?

OP-is your MIL really this petty or is it coming more from your husband, this whole "fairness" thing?

I had my first at home unexpectedly, about 2hrs after that my husband got to us at the hospital & about 2hrs after that we got around to phoning parents.

Noone thought we had done anything remiss!