11 days sober- can't believe it!

[Lilyroo81]

Just what it says in the title really. This is the first time in 5 years of extreme drinking that I have gone longer than 5 days without alcohol and even then, I only managed that once. Apart from that I was drinking around half a bottle of vodka a day (often more) for months and months with no break and hating myself for it. Now, I have been sober for 11 days and am determined to continue. The fog is already beginning to clear and I have been having the best sleep I have had in years. Also, even in this short time my psoriasis which only appeared a few years ago, is beginning to improve.

I am really writing this to give hope to anyone who like me thought they could never give up. I know it's early days for me but I honestly thought I couldn't go a day without drink. I tried counselling, hypnotherapy and AA. I used to ask anybody who had got sober what their secret was and how they made 'the switch'. For me, it was something so simple. I went back to a mental health nurse who hadn't seen me in over a year and she was really shocked at my decline. Although she was kind, she didn't mince her words. She said that I now looked like a person with an alcohol problem- that she could tell it from my puffy face, my dead eyes and just my general appearance. When I first went in to her I lied and said I had been cutting down to 200ml a day for the last few months and she immediately called me out on my bs. She said I looked like somebody who had been hitting the bottle hard for a sustained period and that she found it hard to believe I had really reduced my intake. I said to her that she must get frustrated when she sees somebody coming back after a year and now drinking even more. She said she wasn't frustrated but it made her sad as she could see I had so much potential but was wasting it.

I walked away that day and haven't touched anything since. I think I had a lightbulb moment and realise I don't want to do this anymore. I'm 36 and would like children someday. Even if I've left it too late for that I know my life will be infinitely better without the poison I was putting into my body everyday. Maybe a bad turn of phrase but here's to the future!!!:)

[emancipationofalex]

Congratulations @Lilyroo81!!!

Do you have on-going support? My DH is an alcoholic who is in AA and that seems to be working for the most part. I know you said you’ve tried AA and didn’t like it but what on-going support will you have to keep you on track?

[Lilyroo81]

Thanks so much @emancipationofalex. I actually don't have any ongoing support so will have to have a good think about it. It wasn't so much that I didn't like AA bit that I was ashamed to keep going back when still drinking. Everybody there was so supportive and lovely. I was just embarrassed as most people seemed to go and have a revelation at their first meeting and that didn't happen for me. I felt too much pressure to quit when I knew (or thought I knew) I couldn't.

[dancemom]

Congratulations Lilyroo!

What an achievement, sincerely hope you come back to tell us 21,31,111, 1001 days!

[ClashCityRocker]

lilyroo this thread has really made my day.

It's the anniversary of the death of one of my closest friends. She was lovely, so bright and funny, a proper earthy laugher, but blighted by her alcoholism. Watching the decline and being absolutely powerless to stop it was so, so terrible. She was forty years old, and the last time I saw her in the hospital I couldn't believe someone who looked so poorly could still be alive. She was forty years old.

I wish you all the very best my dear and hope you can get that support for the bad days - because there will be bad days - but you've made such a fantastic start.

[sallievp]

Good for you.... fantastic!!!

[Apileofballyhoo]

Well done.

[BikeRunSki]

Congratulations Lilyroo. I am so glad for you that you recognised your life bulb moment and grabbed it with both hands. Long may your sobriety last!

[Lilyroo81]

Thanks so much everyone. That's really sad about your friend @ClashCityRocker. I have essentially wasted my 30s so far and just want my life back. It's a real pity she couldn't fight the urge to drink before it was too late.

I've realised since I've been sober that I'm going to have to confront the reasons why I was drinking at some point soon, and that's a scary prospect. I've had to think about what I did with my time before all the lost hours due to alcohol. It's amazing how long the days/evenings seem now!

[humanfemale]

That's amazing! And it just keeps getting better and better, too! Really well done.

[BrokenBattleDroid]

Well done, that's a great first step.

Could you go back to AA now for the support to help you stay on track in case of wobbles?

[shemakesmewaitonabedofnails]

Amazing!! I have no experience of anything like this so all I can say is a huge well done. It must be the hardest thing to do, and you are doing so well. Keep us posted on your progress. We can try to keep you honest. Much love and well done xx

[User24681012]

Congratulations!

[dietcokewithlemon]

Well done! You've done amazingly to admit this to yourself and take steps to stop. Sobriety has s shelf life of about a day though and whilst you might feel utter resolve right now - trust me it WILL ebb and flow. It's a serious disease and it wants you dead to be blunt. I took years to get continuous sobriety. I would stop for 9 months, drink for 6 and so on. AA is the only way as far as I'm concerned. There are people sober for a day and 20/30 years plus. It's not about will power and it's admitting powerlessness. Without AA and recovery I would have been fucked. Life is pretty amazing and so much that I couldn't have dealt with then has turned around in my life - money, relationships, how I feel about myself... just that total peace of mind when I wake up each morning. But putting down the drink is your priority right now and will be for some time, buts it's only when you've been sober for a while that you begin to clean up what's really going on underneath. It's a process and not one you can do alone. Go to AA. Try lots and lots of different meetings and find your tribe. Tell them your a newcomer and take numbers. This will be the first step to a new life I promise. Xxx

[Lilyroo81]

Thanks everyone. Not tempted today at all I have to say. I do have drink in the house which I must pour down the sink. I didn't keep it because I was thinking about drinking it but more I think if it's in the house and I'm not having it, it shows I'm serious about quitting and actually strengthens my resolve.

I would be interested in hearing from anyone who is struggling to give up or from anyone in early recovery like me. Anyone who has stopped, what was the final trigger?

[loveablether]

Congratulations on your massive step - I have seen complete devastation in my family through alcohol abuse however my sister is now sober over ten years - gone from drinking several s bottles of wine a day, competely isolated and friendless, angry at the world, in a grubby flat to having a masters degree, self employed, lovely house and a beautiful daughter. She’s still my annoying sister but also my top inspiration.

You are doing great, but I agree that AA to support you is a useful step. I will keep an eye on this thread to see how your doing x

[loveablether]

Just saw your post about final trigger to stop - for my sister is was loosing everything. I hadn’t spoke to her In a year due to her being violent to me, her friends had stoped visiting, people stopped getting her booze, her gums receded from the vomiting and she was a mess, her normally lovely flat was just manky, barred or not welcome from all pubs in town. She just realised that she was alone and feared dying alone which is how sick she had become. AA truly saved her and she now works in a profession that helps others.

Do you have support in RL? I wouldn’t suggest having alcohol in the house. Perhaps a ceremonial pour down the drain with a supportive loved one?

[ooerrmissus]

Congratulations OP! Check out the DRY threads on here (in relationships I think)- they are full of people at all stages of stopping and very supportive.

[flingingmelon]

Well done @Lilyroo81

Come back and keep us updated with your progress!

[Lilyroo81]

Thanks for your words of encouragement @dietcokewithlemon I agree with you about the ebb and flow of sobriety. I admit that I have had thoughts about picking up a drink. At the minute I'm putting it down to the fact that I drank vodka every day for months and months without stopping and it is now an ingrained habit. I know it it going to take more than a couple of weeks to get the cycle of drinking out of my head. I am already feeling a bit of the peace that you talk about. It seems silly but when I go out at the minute I look around me and have a sense of self-respect that I totally lost through alcohol. I think to myself 'I'm sober today' and there is no better feeling.

I need to remember what alcohol has cost me (and it has cost me a lot) and not start to look back on anything with rose-tinted glasses. I will definitely consider going back to AA. I did find it extremely supportive but I have a lot of social anxiety so it will take a lot of courage for me to walk through those doors again. Wish me luck!:)

[Lilyroo81]

@loveablether Thank you for sharing the story about your sister. I'm so glad she turned her life around and now has her family and friends back. I too am a vicious drunk. It removes all my filters and turns me into a person that is very far removed from my true self. It seems strange that I would be saying this yet the poison that is alcohol drew me in for such a long time. I'm at risk of losing everything if I continue to drink and need to think of this if I'm ever tempted. I realise that sobriety is giving me a chance at life that alcohol took away.

[MostIneptThatEverStepped]

Hey Lily well done!! Eleven days sober is fantastic!
I'm 5 months sober today. My rock bottom was when I couldn't get out of bed to go to work...I wasn't even hungover I was just completely used up mentally and physically. I went to see my GP and she suggested AA and I went the next day and haven't drunk since.
AA has given me the most amazing support, I absolutely could not have done it on will power alone. And on a day by day basis, having gone through the steps, I have the tools to change my outlook on life and my thinking.
I can't even tell you how much better I feel. I'm not tired any more...I've been tired for the past five years. I feel peaceful and well.

[Lilyroo81]

@MostIneptThatEverStepped That's great!! Really well done. I know exactly what you mean about the tiredness. When it had got to months and months of drinking without even one day's break, I wondered how I would carry on. I have no idea how I managed for the most part to get up and go to work everyday. As you know it's more than just feeling tired. It's an utter physical and mental exhaustion that is all-consuming. I am still coming out of the fog so to speak but I already feel so much better.

I have been carrying round a serenity prayer keyring in my pocket since I stopped drinking so obviously AA must have struck a chord with me. I have also been reading about others who were like me and came out the other side. Very inspiring!

[MostIneptThatEverStepped]

Thank you Lily, things will keep getting better and better for you!
That's lovely that you keep the serenity prayer close to you, it's very useful 😊
One thing about AA is that you end up with a network of people to ring or text if you're feeling low, something bad has happened that you would normally deal with by drinking etc. I'm happy to PM you my number if that's any help. It's so helpful to know that you can speak to someone who instantly gets it because they've been where you are. And you always feel better after.

Keep your blood sugar up, eat sweets or chocolate if that helps. Don't let yourself get too hungry or tired. Now is the time to treat yourself and look after yourself as if you were recovering from an illness, which you are!

[HertToHert]

Congratulations and well done OP for what sounds like an immense struggle. I have no experience of it but can only imagine the fight to stay sober. I wish you every bit of luck as you overcome each milestone togetting your life back together. Get some support around you, like AA. Anytime you feel tempted just remember what it feels like to be finally you.

[lynmilne65]

No body in AA will think anything less,!we have all been there. 36 years ago my last drink was 2 bottles of vodka.!Am now 68 and sober since then ,Massive AA for first few years, mainly on coping with life; go occasionally now.