Adoption with Dogs

[LookWithYourHeart]

I’d love to read about anyone who has applied to adopt or successfully adopted with pets, especially dogs?

My husband and I are planning to start an application to adopt siblings at the end of this year. We will then be in a position where I could afford to give up work if necessary to stay home if needed.

Knowing we would not be starting the process until Winter 2019, we got a Labrador puppy last year at the end of the summer who is now 6 months old. We already have a Yorkshire terrier who is 10 and adored by all our friends’ children. By the time we have our first SW visit, the puppy will be around 18 months old which we hope means will reflect her adult personality for assessment.

My concern is that I have read some other threads online where people have been rejected based on dog assessment and also have been forced to have to agree to rehome their dogs to progress their application. This is not something we would personally be able to do but I’d like to know how many have experienced that?

Our dogs this Christmas were around a baby, toddlers, 6-11 year olds who love playing with them but the dogs do just require a 10 minute introduction calming session where we ask the the kids to just sit with them as new people get them very excited. The puppy is a little challenging at first as she’s got so big now but still leaps etc but she is improving, albeit slowly. After that 10 minute calm session, the kids were able to play with the dogs all night and ended up tiring the dogs out to the point they didn’t even wake up when the door knocked later that evening.

I grew up with animals as did most of my friends and they enriched my life, heart & soul. Compassion with animals is such a gift to encourage children to have and I feel that it’s a positive thing to have pets in the home.

Obviously if a child/children had any negative history/experience with animals they wouldn’t be matched to us so I’m optimistic that there will be some positive stories of successful adoptions where children were matched to families with dogs.

I’d love to hear your experiences, even if negative, understanding the reasons and what exactly was identified as the potential issue?

Thanks in advance.

[comehomemax]

OP, you’ve asked very experienced adopters about a scenario then reacted very badly to the responses - I fear your approach and attitude is going to be a significant issue to you rather than the dogs.

As Kew suggested, I would advise you to step back and really absorb what you are hearing without the defensive reactions.

You asking about allergy tests etc is really not going to go down well. Yes, of course sw’s would try and consider how a child would cope with an animal but there are any number of issues that they are managing and the safety and well-being of this child is paramount. And the children may hurt an animal - that’s not an uncommon scenario so allergies are only one aspect for you to consider.

As it’s been explained to you, a SW is looking for a family to fit a child’s needs not a child for a family. Your posts read very much like the latter. You will be challenged over and over through this process and you need to be able to listen and respond constructively no matter how hard. It’s not our job to tell you things to make you feel better, it’s to answer your question honestly.

I’m genuinely sorry for your experiences - I’ve been through similar - and I hope you have every success with adoption and to achieve that I’m giving you my honesty and experience. You can see it as an attack or as it’s genuinely meant.

[Thewarrenerswife]

@LookWithYourHeart

The fact that you protect your dogs so passionately, I think makes you a perfect candidate to be an adopter. You come accross as tenacious and protective. If you’re not prepared to give up on your dogs, you’ll never give up on those children. Any child to be placed with you would be blessed. I would suggest you look at agencies rather than local council. I was advised this by my Mums social worker (for health). We always chat about kids, and my husband and I are currently exploring the possibility of adoptions. She has a beautiful adopted daughter and said it is by far the better route. The agency she went through have given amazing back up and support, but above all else she said the process was far more practical with a more common sense approach. I can always get the name of the agency if you would like. I wish you all the luck. Your dogs are so lucky to have you and any child that comes into your life will be just as lucky 🍀

[Lifeisnotsimple]

We have 2 small dogs, who do not like other dogs and think jumping up at people when they come to the house is acceptable, i dont. They are extremely barky and will not leave you alone, they have never been around children or socialised with any. They have never been bitten anyone. These dogs are my fur babies and had seen me through dark times after i lost a baby. There was no way anyone could make me rehome them. Although we never disclosed this to sw. When we were adopting i was always worried about how they would cope with a child. We adopted our ds he was 2.5 yrs old. We are not stupid and we were for our life with him, usual stuff like never leaving them alone with ds, tbh we were overboard. Alot of it was also trying to teach our ds how to behave around dogs. It took a while to adjust and now hes 5 one of them is his best friend cuddling on sofa, the other tolerates him but he knows not to touch her aound her neck, i think it stems from an incident when he put a peg on her ears. They like him cos he gives them bits of food. Dont sweat it too much like everything we have had to adjust and so have the dogs but there are always solutions to problems. Good luck x

[whatashamewhatashame]

OP there are a few posters on here who may make you feel upset and frustrated and despairing. You are not alone, and please just take from the useful posts and don't even rise to the others.

If you see a post which is inflammatory, disrespectful, immature or narrow minded (or all of the above) - ignore, ignore, ignore.

If anyone says "I am an experienced adopter" take it with a pinch of salt. Adopters who have been through it and got to the other end, and formed long lasting good relationships with their children who turn into independent, happy, strong, successful adults, are highly unlikely to be referring to themselves as "experienced adopters". Such parents will have learned a bit of humility along the way.

Stick around, there are many good things to take from the forum, and you at some point may also be able to help point people in the right direction too.

[Kewcumber]

If anyone says "I am an experienced adopter" take it with a pinch of salt

I'm not sure what about that phrase has set your teeth on edge but no-one has described themselves that way.

[donquixotedelamancha]

If you see a post which is inflammatory, disrespectful, immature or narrow minded (or all of the above) - ignore, ignore, ignore.

Excellent advice. We should all take it about posters (like the one I'm quoting) who seem to be deliberately inflammatory and have no posting history. There's been a few lately.

[LookWithYourHeart1]

I’m the OP but I deleted my account as I saw no reason to continue coming back to a talk topic or thread that made me so unhappy.

However, I was telling someone about how the thread upset me and they looked it up. They then told me to look again and I’ll be pleasantly surprised. I was so thrilled to see more posts of support, experiences of adoption with dogs and compassion from lovely people. So, I wanted to respond, so I setup my account again. With an original 1 on the end.

I also wanted to share more updates from agencies who responded! In the time I’ve been away from the post I’ve had an amazing conversation with an adoption agency who have been really supportive of my questions regarding the dogs. They have said that a huge percentage of potential adopters approach with dogs with the same concerns and questions. They also said they encourage adopters to ask anything that concerns then as most of the time it’s not an issue and as their agency consists of adoptive parents, they understand the thought process of concern regarding re-homing pets unnecessarily.

They also confirmed that they have never had an allergy issue with children with dogs and that most children that are placed come from a foster home with a pet. They also agree with the concept of children responding positively in foster care with pets are encouraged to bei matched to permanent adoptive homes with pets. Which is what I was trying to ask further up the thread.

The person was so kind in her responses and reassuring that I went from feeling rather sad and deflated to positive and enthusiastic again.

Another reason I wanted to update the thread because someone further up said, something like..... “it would be a shame to delete the thread as it will be useful for future people searching” - you are right. Although I had not asked to delete the thread. I asked for my post on the thread to be edited to remove what I had not typed. Different. But as you said, the thread being here is what matters. It demonstrates many things, more so now, positive things. Always get more than one opinion, don’t take to heart negative comments and if in doubt about pets, contact some agencies to talk to the people who know.

I’m so glad I came back to read the newer posts and am grateful for everyone who took the time to share. I feel like if this thread helps one more person who’s worried about their dogs feel a little less like it’s a hurdle and closer to applying to adopt, that will help make the world a better place.

[whatashamewhatashame]

Well done OP. My post was a bit rude to the unhelpful posters (sorry, unhelpful posters) but the message I intended to get across was that being here is pretty much the same as being on any other part of mumsnet in that you are sometimes unlucky with what has been said, but that it is still worth it as there are some true gems of advice given from time to time too.

[HSPINFJ4w5]

Thank you for posting this. I am in the same position as you when you started this thread. I would love to know how the process goes for you and your family.

[Builderstea84]

Myself and my DP considered adoption at length during our long fertility journey.
I have a smooth collie and im afraid the subject of rehoming her was the deal breaker for me. I couldn't contemplate the idea. We decided for that reason amongst others adoption wasn't for us and returned to treatment.
My dog is a noisy pain in the arse and we don't know anyone whod have been able to take her. Something that resonated with me js to you your dog is part of your life. But to your dog you are their whole life.

I commend anyone who gets through the assessment, especially with pets

[Dogmum1234]

@LookWithYourHeart1 @HSPINFJ4w5
I would love to know how your journeys turned out. I know this post is quite old so I hoping you are still around here.

We are also considering adoption but have 3 dogs. 2 of them are rescues that we adopted and I do feel that the fact we haven’t given up on dogs that came with challenges and are now happy healthy dogs does show the type of caring, patient people we are.

It would be very hard for me to consider giving up my dogs as they have already been through so much in their lives.

Of course we would do everything to make the situation work and have enough space in our house to create separation if needed.

I do hope you both got the outcome you were hoping for x

[Pegs11]

Regarding allergies, there are good medicines these days! Our pets are an integral part of our family and it would be crucial that any child we adopt is ok with pets. If a serious, unforeseen problem should develop along the way, we certainly wouldn’t take rehoming our pets lightly, we would try everything, absolutely everything, to keep her with us and only if all else fails would we consider rehoming her.

If that’s not considered reasonable by the adoption agency, then adoption isn’t for us.

We wouldn’t adopt a child in the first place who wasn’t a good match for us and our pets, as that wouldn’t be good for anyone involved. We would wait however long it takes to find the right match.

[Pegs11]

By “her” I mean our dog!

[gordongrumpy]

The kids come first. Medications have side effects. I'm afraid, expecting a child to take daily medications to accommodate a dog isn't reasonable. Maybe adoption isn't for you.

Kids are better and more important than dogs. We got the little dog after the kids, and I couldn't imagine doing it the other way round. I love the dog. The kids come first.

[Pegs11]

Not all medications have noticeable side effects, and many that do only have very mild ones. I’m saying this as the daughter of a doctor. I think it would be extremely unreasonable to ask us to give up the dog without at least trying our best to make it work.

Our dog joined the family before we considered adopting. I’m not saying I wouldn’t rehome her if worst came to worst. But I certainly wouldn’t do it at the drop of a hat before exhausting all reasonable avenues that would enable us to keep her. It would effectively be tearing our family unit apart, so we wouldn’t take it lightly at all.

[Dogmum1234]

Of course a child would be loved and cared for and cherished but for me a human that would cast aside a dog so easily isn’t reliable and I believe the commitment we have shown to our rescue dogs only supports our patience and commitment to giving a child in need, a loving secure home. We would like to adopt a child with special needs as my OH has an adopted sister with Down Syndrome and we know these children are often overlooked. We would do everything to keep our child safe and would look at creating a completely separate area for the dogs if needed so there was suitable distance at all times if issues became apparent, but giving up the dogs doesn’t sit right with me and shows more flakiness if anything. The dogs are sentient beings, not things to be discarded to the side. It’s madness to turn great prospective parents down when there are so balmy children in need of a loving and caring home. If I had to tell a panel that I would rehome the dogs then so be it. I am sure there are many people that adopt first and then get dogs after that don’t have to worry about this. Also so many people out there with biological children that don’t appreciate them or give them the love, patience and support. Yet no questions before you give birth or get pregnant whether you have dogs. Of course I fully appreciate the social workers and panels want what’s best for the children and have to cover their own backs when matching children. But the system feels so flawed in many ways.

[gordongrumpy]

Good luck.

[Pegs11]

Personally I think it’s far more irresponsible and flaky to buy a dog after you’ve adopted, going into it with the mindset of “oh we’ll just get rid of the dog if it doesn’t work out”. Some people seem to be of the opinion that dogs are disposable like that.

[gordongrumpy]

No one's saying that dogs are disposable.

But the traumatised child comes first.

[Ted27]

can I just say again what I said way up thread.

allergies and whether or not your particular dog is great with kids, is not really the issue.

The overwhelming majority of people who adopt with dogs and other animals have no problems at all.

The only time I have ever heard of animals being rehomed, is because the child hurt the animal.
This issue gets lost in debates about allergies and testing and how wonderful my dog is.

All SWs want to know is that, in the very rare event, the child will be put first, even if they have hurt the animal.