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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Original poster

My gorgeous DS is with his "forever family"

92 replies

StupidMistakes · 08/11/2013 20:56

My gorgeous ds aged three is with his forever family and has been for sometime now, I have had to fight to get to meet his new family, but finally a date for early has been made, my issue however is that I still don't know if I am allowed to take anyone for support. The adopters have their social worker present as well as each other, my ds has his social worker but obviously he wont be present and I, well I have asked to take either my best friend or a solicitor to the meeting as I feel that I am the only one without any support, and I don't want to miss anything, I know this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I have fought so hard to get to meet them, they have also asked for a picture of me with the adopters for his life story book. I don't really know what to expect at the meeting and wondered if anyone had any experience?

TIA

OP posts:

SlinkyB · 03/12/2013 23:51

Just sobbed my way through this thread, what a strong and selfless lady you are. I'm sure your little man will be proud of you when he's older, and that his forever parents will look after him well.

You'll always be his Mummy

Mellowandfruitful · 04/12/2013 00:21

for you. One day your son will thank you for meeting his new family like this. All the very best to you.

Kewcumber · 04/12/2013 11:34

I'm glad you got through it and feel at least that your son is being loved and cared for. I expect it will make a huge difference in how his adoptive parents talk about you and feel about you and you should take enormous pride that you were able to go through with it. Many birth parents (understandably) don't ever feel able to meet the adoptive parents.

I will probably never meet DS's mother and though I can say to him that I believe that she loved him and wanted the best for him but was unable to care for him (I believe this based on her actions and nothing else), he could at some point quite legitimately say to me "how do you know that - you are just guessing" which is true. And I can tell him virtually nothing about his mother.

Your sons adoptive parents will be able to tell him very clearly that you loved him and wanted the best for him because they know this to be true because they met you. It can only be good for him to see the significant adults in his life all doing the best they can for him.

I have a great deal of admiration for you and hope that it brings you some peace and comfort in the future.

KristinaM · 04/12/2013 17:50

What kewcumber said

Original poster

StupidMistakes · 04/12/2013 18:41

I am glad I did it, for me and for DS. Today I went and spent some money on myself, bought myself some new jeans, which were needed cos my exisiting ones are too loose and keep falling down and a new top which cost me a fiver, not really needed but nice to treat myself once in a while. My housemates been home all day keeping me busy.

OP posts:

Moomoomie · 04/12/2013 18:58

Have just read this thread with so much admiration for you. You have put your son first in all of this and faced it with such strength.
It really will help your ds as he gets older to know that his new mum and dad met you and spoke to you.
Unfortunately we did not meet our girls birth mum, something I will always regret as sadly she died last year, so we will never meet.
Take care of yourself and I really do hope that next year will be a good one for you.

Lilka · 04/12/2013 23:26

I'm so glad the meeting went well, and completely agree with Kew - having met the real you, your sons parents will be able to talk not about an abstract figure, but a real person they've met, and I hope that will really benefit your son as he grows older. That's a gift I also got from my meeting/s with DD2 and DS birth mum

I also admire your strength and hope that you will get comfort in the future from having met the parents and them not being abstract figures, but known to you in some way

TheZeeTeam · 05/12/2013 01:23

OP, I read your thread originally on Saturday, and can honestly say I have never read a thread that made me well up as much as this one (which was a bit unfortunate as I was reading it in a launderette as my washer is broken!!). You have been astonishingly honest and brave, imo.

I'm so glad that the meeting went as well as it could and, hopefully, you can start to find some form of closure, for want of a better word. That one is particularly wanky.

Being a "good mum" means so many things to so many people but I think putting your child's true needs so far over your own, and making the biggest of sacrifices to let him have a better life, really does make you a bloody great mum and I really, truly admire you for that.

Good luck with your future and you definitely should start putting yourself first now and I hope you get the recovery and peace you deserve. Be kind to yourself.

Sorry if this was a bit long and blah

MadameDefarge · 05/12/2013 01:37

OP, I think we met on a previous thread, which you started.

Well done.

Original poster

StupidMistakes · 06/12/2013 07:31

I have been attending adoption counseling which was offered by social services. Unfortunately these are my last sessions. They fund 6 at a time and so far I've had 13 sessions. They are funding 5 more and will nor fund any further. It's taken 10 weeks of fighting to get these 6 sessions. It feels a little like I'm pushed aside. They argue it's not in the child's interest to fund it however surely my emotional health is in ds's interest so I can maintain contact with him and when he does want to find me be in a better place.

OP posts:

Bakerof3pudsxx · 06/12/2013 07:39

Op you are so brave

I don't think I could have done this I would have fallen apart

thenamestheyareachanging · 07/12/2013 21:37

OP, I'm so, so sorry. This is a truly tragic story - you should have been supported to look after your son, as you obviously love him with all your heart. I have cried buckets reading this thread, and I've never cried over a mn thread before.

Your ds will know how much you love him, to have done this for him, and to have put his interests first when your heart is breaking.

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 07/12/2013 23:47

Youre a very brave person who has done a good thing. Well done.

Can you get more councelling from your gp?

Fairy1303 · 16/12/2013 16:17

You are so brave and I am in tears reading. I hope you find the support you need on here and in RL. Xx

RoseHoney · 17/12/2013 13:51

I am sobbing reading this.
Bless your heart, you've made a very brave decision and I hope the counselling helps you and you can come to terms with the situation soon and find some peace.
Xx

weregoingtothezoo · 18/12/2013 11:45

I'm so glad I've found your thread. You've done something motivated by such great love. I did the same but only after a lot of pressure from Social Services who made promises that weren't true. I'm so glad you met your son's adopters and I really hope you find peace within yourself.

Spychic · 18/12/2013 12:03

First time I've cried reading a thread. So glad your meeting went well. You are a strong, courageous and loving person.I hope you get the happiness you deservein future.

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