Neighbour complaining about my children's noise playing in the garden

[IlanaK]

We just moved into a garden flat after not having a garden for most of my children's lives. We have had landscape gardener's in for two weeks and they are now mostly finished transforming the garden. The garden is over 100ft and we have divided it into areas. There is a bark chipped area near the back (though not right at the back) where we have put the trampoline. At the back of our garden is the garden to another house which is side on to ours (so you come out of our place, turn right and right again onto a side road and theirs is the first house so it runs perpendicular to our garden if that makes sense). Their garden is quite small and they have an extension that is not that far from the boundary between our gardens.

Today the man that lives there came to complain about the noise my children were making. He works from home in the extension and says they are too noisy on the trampoline and he can't hear to make phone calls.

My kids are aged almost 9, almost 6 and almost 2. They are all boys and we moved to this place specifically for the garden space. I home school my children so they are in the garden during the day on and off between about 9am and 5pm. The last three days we have had friends around so it has been noisier than usual. I did explain all this to the man. He said he thought we were running a nursery here! I assured him I was not!

So,he wants us to move the trampoline. He says that we only put it at the back of the garden to keep the noise away from our house (NOT TRUE!). I am unwilling to move it as we have specifically safety surfaced that area for it. I asked if there were specific times of day that he would prefer them not to be playing there - he said no as he works all day. He also mentioned his need to relax in his garden at the weekend.

So, what would you do? Would you move the trampoline? WOuld you ask your kids to be quiet when they are out there? Or would you ignore him?

[AgentProvocateur]

Hey, don't sit on the fence, Siomb!

[whoopstheregoesmymerkin]

He is a MOG (miserable old git).
Send the kids round with lots of egg boxes for soundproofing and enjoy your summer.

[trixymalixy]

Hmmm you sound as inconsiderate as your neighbour is intolerant.

Children should be allowed to have fun, but should never override an adult trying to work.

Say your DH worked from home, would you just let your kids do what they liked and make as much noise as they liked or try to give your DH some peace to get on with things?

Have a think about it.

[Scuttlebutter]

Our neighbour has put their trampoline right at the bottom of their garden, so close to our garden that their bouncing little shrieklings can now see right into our living room - our gardens are at a sort of right angle. The noise is deafening, and very unpleasant. I fully accept that children can and should play outside but there is nothing more irritating than constant screeching and being watched when you are trying to go about your life in your own home. Simply moving the trampoline might make a big difference - I am very sorry to say that the trampoline has totally spoiled our relationship with our neighbour. And for those saying close the windows, unless you have air conditioning, this isn't really feasible in hot weather. Let's face it, nobody would put up with an adult bellowing at the top of their voice for hours on end, or a dog barking incessantly but if it's children we're all supposed to be grateful. Most kids managed to play and have fun before the invention of Satan's springboard - and why is it impossible to trampoline quietly? I vote for moving the instrument of torture nearer to your own home - this could go a long way to restore some good will.

[glintwithpersperation]

I'm definitely buying a trampoline now.

[seratonin]

You're the one who's being a selfish cock. Everyone who has a house with a garden has a right to enjoy it in peace. Children are your personal choice - they're not everyone's - don't inflict your choice on others. I hope one day you'll live on your own/without children, then you might realise how intrusive children's playing/screaming can be. UK parents with children are generally very inconsiderate to others - in gardens, shops, hotels, restaurants/pubs etc They deserve to be ostracised/excluded.

[LoveMyPadres]

I know this is an old thread, but it's a hard issue. I bought a house in the suburbs to have a place for my kids to play outside. We have a grumpy woman neighbor who complains whenever the children play outside. She used to call the police every day; they eventually stopped coming, or at least stopped stopping. We went to mediation, and agreed to have the kids off the out of the front of the house by 7pm on weekdays, 8 on Friday/Saturday. In return, she would not call the police anymore. This worked for a year or so, but she really hates the sound of children playing, so she has started calling to the children to get their parents, and she's complaining about noise again. She only does this when my (the husband's) car is not home. Everyone I speak to thinks it is ridiculous to have unreasonable limits on childrens playtime. I understand her want for quiet, but this is a family neighborhood, and we were here first (though we had chldren later). I don't think the kids should be making noise at 10;00 at night, but coming in an hour before sunset in the summer, when it is finally cool enough to play, is a bit silly. I think in a family neighborhood, kids have the right to play reasonably. I don't want screaming and yelling, or taunting of the problem neighbor, just reasonable play. She characterizes ALL PLAY as screaming and yelling, as she has no tolerance for children at all. She has hassled all the neighbors for everything else; parking in front of her house, doing work on their own homes, etc. Here in the states, you don't own the area in front of your home, it is public property. She just has to have her way at all times, or she complains until she gets it. It stinks.

[PlinkertyPlonk]

Wow - I'm glad I don't have most of you as neighbours. Whatever happened to communication and compromise? It clearly is an annoyance for your neighbour (regardless of whether you or anyone else think he's in the right or wrong), so ignoring him/telling him to FO isn't going to make anyone feel any better.

Key things for me here:

1. When he moved in, your neighbour may have chosen the house because it wasn't next to a school or nursery.
   
2. Children do make noise, but not normally between 9-5 unless it's school holidays or you have toddlers. You have effectively set up a school next to his office, so this will have changed the noise levels through out the day considerably.
   
3. I've lived/worked at home on my own for a number of years. I also now have noisy children. I can honestly say that living on your own, you have no idea how noisy children are (if not restrained/bribed/distracted!), but also as a family you get used to the background noise and many families are completely ignorant of (or chose to ignore) the disruption it can cause to others. Like your neighbours on your other side.
   
4. Home working is not the same thing as running your own business. And if he is running his own business, if may well be registered at that address and be paying the appropriate rates.
   
5. If you are on calls to people the other side of the world on crackly phone lines, or if you are talking to VPs/CEOs, having children screaming in the background on your calls is very distracting and unprofessional. As a result, he will have had to think about changing his daily schedule.
   

What strikes me is that you understand why it's noisy, but he's not been given the heads-up in advance. Likewise, it's not nice to have a student party over the road all night - but you'd feel in more control of the situation if you were forewarned and could make other arrangements/had agreed a time when the noise would be shut off.

I personally would be nice-as-pie to the neighbour, kill him with kindness (without bending over backwards to his demands) because it's difficult for someone to get uptight and still appear reasonable if it appears a solution is being negotiated. A time-table would go along way to help resolve the situation. Your kids need time to let off steam without stepping on eggshells, and he needs time to concentrate. If he's not making time to speak to you (he may well be busy with work), then how about sending him a letter, outlining a schedule and asking what time of day is it critical that he gets some quiet time. Also, it might be worth offering to pop over when the kids are being noisy, just to understand how it is affecting him. And no need to move the trampoline, but you could always offer to erect a 20ft sound-baffling fence or leylandii and watch his reaction.

[GeekLove]

Zombie thread...

[PlinkertyPlonk]

Oh hell. Just noticed the date, thanks Geek! Hopefully they've got the situation sorted by now!!

[Hetty36]

I have the same problem, we have moved 6 months ago next to a retired couple, the type with not a weed in the garden! we are a normal middle class family my husband works long hours, we are respectable and keep our garden tidy and are quite house proud etc ... the village is very child friendly. We have 4 children, 3 boys 13, 8 and 4, also a daughter 11. The gardens are close together and our children often play on the trampoline which can get noisy! I monitor this as I cant stand the shrieks either but as most parents know this can be constant! My female neighbour came around this morning and asked if the children can be quite in the garden!! as they like to sit out in the summer. I was polite and agreed that last night they had been v noisy and had already been spoken to about it but said they are children.
Its only for a couple of hours after school when they play in the garden and not always on the trampoline but they often have the usual sibling arguments. I feel offended and quite upset about it as they are good children should I ask them to be quite when playing and monitor every second they are playing!!?

With the original post I would say I would have the trampoline nearer the house then you can keep an eye on the children for noise and safety also If they are home schooled I would limit time outside between 9 and 3 maybe take them for a walk at lunch as you don't want to make enemies of you neighbours as It Is very easy to especially when you feel they are attacking you and your family!

[fairouzeh]

I'm glad this thread has been revived. I'm in a pickle about what to do about noisy children from a neighbouring house, but am well aware that I have a baby and 2 cats, none of whom make much noise on a regular basis but when they do it is hard to control! Generally I make sure it is inside and out of earshot of the neighbours as much as possible.

Situation: We live in a lovely little village and have a house in a gated community. We all have our own gardens and then a fantastic shared grounds that surrounds the houses. Its not a huge area, but is beautiful and peaceful the bulk of the time.

However, one of the neighbours bought by far the largest house as a holiday home (Cost a million so you can imagine their financial position). Their 3 children are currently screaming their lungs out in the communal area and I am being driven potty. They are outside my door and I feel very upset that their parents don't ask them to respect the neighbours more. This happens quite frequently - they come down on weekends and holidays now and they seem to prefer the communal area to their own fairly large garden.

I am hesitant about approaching the parents as I know that I myself have a baby and cats to contend with.

I remember as a child my parents were always so careful to teach us there was a time and place for being loud, and they always made it clear how grateful they were to us when we played more quietly. We also lived in a similar situation, with all the neighbours having their own gardens but all sharing a communal area.

What to do??

[ragged]

FAIROUZEH: if the children are out there in civilised hours then I would take it as reasonable for them to make noise in a communal area. That said, what harm would it do for you to ask them nicely to play a bit further away from your door or more quietly.

[hairytale]

i would move the teampoline, limit their trampoline time and control their noise a bit.

[Finishing]

I would ignore him. I have complained to my neighbours about noise, but when he was drilling after 9pm. I would never complain about children making noise, and my next door have a baby who cries at night sometimes. People are allowed to have families, and he needs to soundproof or move to an island on his own.

[cumbria81]

I am also at the number of people saying the neighbour is in the wrong.

Living close to people requires compromise - his is to not have total peace and quiet and yours is to try and minimise the noise you do make. I think at the least you should move the trampoline.

[fairouzeh]

I agree with the neighbour to an extent. If you are new in a neighbourhood, where many people live in close proximity, you should do your best to integrate, taking your neighbours into account. Most importantly you teach your children to respect others and their right to peace and quiet. If you can find a balance, agreeing that at certain times of day the kids can make noise and at others it is adult time, then everyone wins.

Just because they are children, doesn't mean they have the right to yell and scream whenever they are outdoors. If you want to live in an environment like that they you move to a detached property in the suburbs/countryside. If you choose urban living, you accept that you have to take others into account.

[IllegitimateGruffal0Child]

This thread is 2 years old. I hope it's sorted now!

[lovetomoan]

Ignore him. Children make noise. As long it is not after 10pm, he will have to get over it.

[MayaAngelCool]

I am shocked by the number of posters who don't give a toss about the inconvenience to this neighbour. I would hate to have a neighbour who took that attitude if I made a reasonable complaint.

IMO there's got to be give and take on both sides. There may be other problems to contend with in the future, and you may both stand to benefit from having worked at developing a good relationship. And even if there are no future problems, having good neighbours is like gold dust.

This is what I would do:

Invite him over for tea, and make it a really nice one. If he has kids, make it a whole family affair. If not, try to arrange for your kids to play at friends' houses. (I assume from his ridiculous demands about weekend time that he doesn't have kids.)

You need to get to know each other a bit if you want to resolve neighbourly disputes in a constructive manner. Right now you both think each of you is a self-centred prick, so how are you going to remedy this without spending time together?

During the conversation tell him that you're really sorry that your children have caused so much disruption and that perhaps you reacted badly when he first raised the issue. You'd really like to find an amicable compromise since both of you have conflicting home arrangements, and you're determined to find a workable solution.

Explain your position, then offer several compromises:

• specified weekday trampoline time (trampoline stays where it is)
• moving the trampoline and the children play on it when they want to/ you specify times
• other ideas you can think of?
• if you're offering to pay extra to move the trampoline (in frankly I think you'd be selfish not to) say there's always the option of him moving his office inside

If he refuses to make any concessions then put the ball in his court. Say you are trying your best to make things better for him but unless he comes on board as well you cannot see how this can work. Give him time to go away and think things over if he's being stubborn.

I would refuse to let him bully you over weekends - he wants to relax in the garden - so what? His leisure time is not more valuable than anyone else's. Why don't you sort out the weekday arrangements first and then agree to discuss weekends once you've tried it out?

[notfarmingatthemo]

Just read this to my dds aged 9 and 6 and my dh. Dd1 said you can't move trampoline as it will cost to much to safely surface another area. dd2 said you can't move it as its to big to she then said we don't make to much noise. Dh said he has know rights in law so ignore.
We have gardens all round our and I think my children are the nosiest because they use the garden. I do call them in if they are getting to noisy but kids change what they are doing all the time so its never for very long

[godssake]

First and foremost you moved in with god knows how may kids after your neighbour !! Trampolines are the scourge of decent neighbourhoods. Some parents say its all about the childrens excercise !! Wrong ! so you pass off your kids with a plastice peice of apparatus for them to injure themselves and then be a burden on the A&E department.

As for excercise it never hurt any child to get that at school or from being taken on walks, cycling,, The scourge is responsible for god knows how many neighbour disputes and yet again another introduction from the yanks .

As for the legal side of things any neighbour is free to keep a log of noise either written or by audio recording and then go to any magistrate court and lay down the eveidence and request a hearing. Anti social behaviour will cover this too. Is it too much to ask for decent peace loving people to want peace and quiet in their lives, if you have kids and want them to make noise then live on an estate where the vast majority of people dont give a cuss about anyone else and live their lives like ferral people after the bomb has dropped.

Sick and tired of hearing the same old sayings .... there only children and they need understanding, they need to let off steam. yeah right

[JayelleBee]

Fuck's sake. If he wants total silence he should go and live in the middle of nowhere.

You could ask your kids not to shriek as much (I do that with mine when it gets too noisy, we have trampolines, climbing frame, swings and slide) and to be mindful/respectful of the neighbours, but that is definitely enough on your side.

People live and work next to airports and manage to cope with the noise.

Agree that you are in a residential area and therefore someone using their home as a workplace really doesn't have grounds to complain.

I'd put money on him coming to your door with a new complaint if you shifted the trampoline. Some people just like complaining.

[NeverendingStoryteller]

Tell him if he doesn't stop complaining that you'll go and buy some yappy dogs...

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

Wow this thread is 2 years old?!?

I wonder what the op did with the trampoline......?