Are you 44, in a graduate career, and also unable to afford basic emergency stuff??

[FeelingPoor]

As new user name and title suggests:
I am middle aged
Middle income
Employed in a fairly specialist field (postgrad, professional membership bla)
Rocked by unexpected bills

We have woodworm. This month it has cost £420 to sort (not done yet). So not a huge amount
Adult son with additional needs has found a better living situation. I will need to lend him £500 for this.
Younger son's birthday party - £140
First payment on child's rugby tour - £75

And that's our meagre savings gone. I thought at this age and this stage in my career I could absorb these things more easily. Its just a bit shit when you have so much responsibility, work so hard, and are still scraping along.

We are lucky - fed, clothed, have lots of nice times... But today feels moan-worthy! Anyone else in a similar position??

[Newbalancebeam]

Agree. Both middle management. Technically have a good income. Decent mortgage rate fixed before they went mad. But everything else has gone up so much! Now need at least £700/month extra for food and bills compared with three years ago. Payrises just don’t cover it. I hear you!

[LostInTheLaw]

Ditto. Both DH and I both have degrees and postgrad qualifications up to our eyeballs and on paper have an OK (not great) income but can’t save for anything significant. One massive bill and we’re stuffed. I expected to have a much better quality of life (nicer house, holiday now and then, newer car- ours is 10 and is making some interesting noises). I remember my parents and they were less qualified and had far more than we’re ever going to have.

[Poppalina37]

One thousand times relatable 🙄

[thedendrochronologist]

The epitome of the stretched middle. Rich on paper poor in practise.

[FeelingPoor]

I'm glad I'm not alone (but sorry for you all).
I have such a 'grown up' job with so much responsibility and specialist knowledge. Somehow in my head I feel like that should equate to - yes we can pay the builder £500 to prevent the ceiling collapsing, obviously that is no problem...
But the reality is much more 'shit can we afford to pay the builder to keep the ceiling up 😫'

Hey how at least I have a wood worm ridden house to call my own I guess!

[Wenttomowameadow]

Can you not use insurance to pay for the ceiling?

[FeelingPoor]

@Wenttomowameadow probably only if the ceiling actually collapses 😬 I don't think they cover woodworm. Have you had success getting insurance to cover woodworm by any chance?

[Bloatstoat]

Totally get this. We moved to our current house about 5 years ago, with funds from the move (I thought!) to replaces the bathroom, which was then 15+years old. We had to spend this money on unexpectedly dealing with a roof leak and need to re-render. We've never got anywhere near the money to do the bathroom, the shower leaks and only one tap on the sink works, but we've sort of just got used to it. Latest crisis to eat up our small savings is tge fence falling down in tge storms. Both DH and I have good graduate careers, I was never expecting a luxury lifestyle but I did think I would be able to update and make a home nice for my kids, we never have anyone round but close family as I'm too embarrassed.

[Idratherbepaddleboarding]

I’m 38 but yes! It’s ridiculous 😡.

[WeightoftheWorld]

We are much younger than you and my employment situation is complicated and my main job is a low waged one unfortunately. But between the two of us both working and DH in a post-grad job yes we feel the same. Recently became home owners and now wondering whether it was a good idea since last week alone we now have bills for both electrician and plumber and the electrician hasn't even completed the whole work yet. Plus car service said all the tyres are needing to be replaced soon. Great. Nursery fees for DC2 are our main killer though.

[FeelingPoor]

@Bloatstoat I get that. We just bob along with little things not quite working, the back fence is propped up with a pole, the floor has a crack with a rug over it... It generally doesn't bother me until I think 'hold on, just when will I be able to put all this stuff right??'

Don't let it stop you inviting people round and living your life though, there are lots of us in this boat so it seems and I'm sure no one judges

[Bloatstoat]

Also was chatting to the dad of one of DD's school friends last week, he's a GP and his wife works in local government. Their car has died, and he's ended up borrowing money from his retired parents to help sort it. He was obviously grateful but also embarrassed that this was the best he could do in a two good incomes household.

I don't really know what else we can do - we haven't had a holiday away since covid, we eat out maybe a couple of times a year, no takeaways. Bills have just spiralled.

[pumpkinpink]

Can absolutely relate to this and it's (sadly) made me feel better. We have two pretty decent incomes but constantly struggle, never have money for anything fun, no holidays etc. it's just so depressing.
Im so sad to be giving my children a worse quality of life than I had and I'm always at bloody work so it's not even as if they are benefiting from having me present.

[FeelingPoor]

@pumpkinpink big hugs. It's so tough. You're not alone and I think it's not anything you (or I) are doing wrong. System seems a bit fucked in my opinion!

[PSEnny]

It’s difficult to comment on your situation as there’s no detail about your incoming and outgoing money and why you can’t save. Is your mortgage large or as it gone up? Do you have loans for things like cars? Everything is so much more expensive.
Owning a home is relentless in terms of unexpected bills. I have damp and a roof leak and an issue with the bay window. It’s going to cost thousands and eat up large chunks of savings. It will mean no holidays next year (this year’s already booked and paid for). You just need to cut your cloth. I do think people have unrealistic expectations of what their life style should be. I’d love to pay for all the repairs and go on holiday but I can’t and this isn’t anyone’s fault, it isn’t outrageous that I’m not paid more, it’s just life.

[Figgygal]

Yup I'm 43 and dh 48
Good jobs and income
Kids at school no childcare costs
Paid off but ageing cars
Scrape by every month due to huge household costs for a very average 3 bed detached in a desirable village

All friends in same boat and its bloody frustrating

[Janefondashair]

I am also mid 40s and have my own business in a "profession". I'm earning more than I've ever earned (not higher rate tax bracket, but decent) but am 12k in credit card debt. Being self employed does mean my income fluctuates, and I'm a single parent, but I used to save monthly and now I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul just to cover the monthly bills. I realise that am better off than many and am not on the bread line, and I am grateful to have a roof over my head, it's just so depressing though.

[BreakfastAtMimis]

Nope. 43, middle management and doing nicely. I have a small house and plenty savings. The fridge and the dishwasher are on their last legs and I can replace them both and still go on my £££ holiday. The secret? No kids. It's not the life I'd have chosen but it does have its advantages

[Bloatstoat]

@PSEnny

It’s difficult to comment on your situation as there’s no detail about your incoming and outgoing money and why you can’t save. Is your mortgage large or as it gone up? Do you have loans for things like cars? Everything is so much more expensive.
Owning a home is relentless in terms of unexpected bills. I have damp and a roof leak and an issue with the bay window. It’s going to cost thousands and eat up large chunks of savings. It will mean no holidays next year (this year’s already booked and paid for). You just need to cut your cloth. I do think people have unrealistic expectations of what their life style should be. I’d love to pay for all the repairs and go on holiday but I can’t and this isn’t anyone’s fault, it isn’t outrageous that I’m not paid more, it’s just life.

I do agree it is maybe down to expectations, and perhaps mine are too high. I suppose I look back at my childhood - my parents were both teachers, we had a nice house (as in not massive but we'll decorated, nice garden not tiny and full of broken stuff like mine), had a week's uk self catering holiday every year, went for day trips and monthly Sunday lunch out. And I spent years as a student and scrimping and saving in my 20s/early 30s to buy a house (which I do realise is an incredibly privileged position), and I never thought I'd have lots, but i did think one day I'd be able to fix things and buy some new tableware that matches or pay to get my hair done, not massive things but be properly grown up!

[WarningOfGails]

This is us too, I absolutely appreciate that we are very fortunate as, you know, we do have a (leaky) roof over our heads, and I never think I won’t be able to put food on the table. But I did think that we would be able to eat out occasionally, holiday abroad etc. We have very similar jobs to my parents & they put 3 kids through private school in the 90s/00s which is so far out of our reach it’s mind boggling.

[Kwasi]

We had everything go at once. Both showers conked out at the same time. We decided that we’d entirely replace the suite and floor tiles in the shower room, as it’s old and dated. DH is DIY mad, so can do a lot himself. However, our fence pretty much all blew over in the storms, so we had to spend £2k getting that replaced. We have replaced just the shower, as we can’t afford to do anything else. The ensuite shower remains broken.

My kitchen tiles literally have no shine left on them and must be 20 years old. It’s a big kitchen-diner, so will be a massive job to bash them out and replace them.

[FeelingPoor]

@BreakfastAtMimis I hope you enjoy your holiday. Life is just a series of swings and roundabouts isn't it...

[FeelingPoor]

I was listening to a podcast today about 'peak millenials' (33-34 years old). Apparently they had a delayed start but are now finally starting to accumulate wealth. I can't even accumulate 2 months income in savings, let alone wealth!

I am rich in so many other ways though, good to keep focused on that

[NearlyHeadlessNick]

Yes, nearly 40. Qualified in a professional job, 2 kids. The flat roof is leaking. Thank god we're moving onto spring. I can kick that can down the road if we're not getting loads of heavy rain. My car is just about limping along.

[Kwasi]

@NearlyHeadlessNick

Yes, nearly 40. Qualified in a professional job, 2 kids. The flat roof is leaking. Thank god we're moving onto spring. I can kick that can down the road if we're not getting loads of heavy rain. My car is just about limping along.

Surely the roof would be a case for insurance?