Do some people just attract 'drama'?

[Echobelly]

I just wonder about this as I see some people on social media who are forever being 'betrayed' by friends, or having people 'gossip' about them or turn against them, and have relationships bust up spectacularly, but nothing like this has ever remotely happened to me.

I'm sure that's in part as I do keep my emotional distance a bit - I don't have super close, confiding relationships with my friends, I've never had secrets to share and so on. It does seem like more intense people get more of a rollercoaster, but doesn't appeal to me at all. But I suppose they might find my life deathly dull!

[Hydrate]

I know one person like this,they have been posting about others being jealous, and negativityy, you know the routine, for over 15 years now.

[Gothichouse40]

I partially gave up all social media for this very reason. Got I couldn't stand it and some people really thrive on drama. They never seem happy unless they are in the middle of some crisis or other. I cannot be bothered with it all and much is of their own making. Unfortunately Facebook etc just give these folk an audience.

[BlueSlate]

Are these criticisms being levelled anyone who is bullied etc or just those who post on SM about it?

I ask because I was bullied out of a local community choir a few years ago by the musical director.

I wasn't alone and somehow that seemed to lend credence to what he was saying. It became really unpleasant and one of the bullying victims had her silicit write a cease and desist letter to him which still didn't stop it. He spread lies and rumours and we both lost a lost over it. It was horrendous at the time. None of it was posted on SM but that didn't stop him from sabotaging friendships and damaging reputations locally.

More recently, I experienced a similar campaign from a group of women I know - people on the periphery of my social life I suppose. They're not my friends, they never were, I don't really know what their motivation was but there were, again, rumours and lies spread about me. I just withdrew completely but recently discovered that the rumours and lies are continuing after nearly 3 years.

I have no idea why. I live a pretty quiet and private life, I distance myself from other people's drama. These weren't even people I'd been friends with.

I've obviously spoken to friends about these incidents - it was hard not to. It was talk about it, try and understand it, defend myself and attempt some damage limitation or have people think it was true.

Never a word on SM though.

[BlueSlate]

Solicitor - should have proof read!

[MakingTheBestOfIt]

I have an aunt who cannot seem to see that she is the only one constant factor in a life crammed full of drama, betrayals, disrespect and generally being hard done by.

She has an actual diagnosis of paranoid personally disorder (obtained for one of two court appearances) and has had anger management classes.

She still can’t seem to accept it is her.

She is in her late 50s and has had a life of privilege and abundance, but still feels the system is out to get her. Thankfully she doesn’t do social media, so the rest of the family are able to largely avoid her.

I think all people can go through bad patches. But if the bad patch has lasted your entire life you should consider that there might be personality factors at play that you have the power to change.

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

@Aquamarine1029

They don't attract drama, they create it. People like that thrive on it.

Was just about to post the same. They love it!

[Lindy2]

I had a friend who seemed to lurch from one crisis to another constantly. I soon realised that each of these dramas involved her asking me to look after her 2 incredibly hard work children for prolonged periods of time.

I distanced myself from her in the end as really it was all far too much like hard work. I'm much happier with steady and mundane and looking after just my own children.

[Alpacinoshoohaa]

I used to and when I look back the family I grew up in had unhealthy dynamics.

There wasn't the insight to understand what was going on or the wider impacts unfortunately.
So yes I must have seemed like a basket case bouncing from one dreadful crisis to another.

Touch wood at the moment we don't really have that anymore.

[Iampicklerick]

I don’t think people do create drama.

I think some people have had hard times and cannot recognise a good thing. They instinctively choose the bad thing because it’s familiar and comforting even if it doesn’t help them in the long term and will inevitably go wrong. If you’ve always been secure and had good grounding, these things seem obvious. Not to everyone though.

And so it looks like they are thriving on it, and loving it but really it’s the only way some people know how to live.

I’m trying to break generational curses but avoiding the drama, and that in itself brings drama from people you wish would just go away and leave you in peace. It’s a very hard process to recognise this in yourself and your family and do your best to move away from it.

So I wouldn’t say “they create drama! They love it!” because as ever it’s a bit more in-depth than that.

[Blankspace4]

Yes, I agree totally. And usually those with not particularly high levels of intelligence

[Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel]

I know of two people on my SM that are always posting passive aggressive memes. Not actual friends, more acquaintances. Then someone will pop a comment like what's up hun/babes and they'll say " I'll message you hun/babes" Constant drama. It must be so tiring.

[RampantIvy]

I agree that it isn't just a coincidence that some people have more drama in their lives than others.

I'm always baffled by the threads where people feel guilt tripped into doing things they don't want to do - seeing family they dislike at Christmas, going to expensive hen dos and weddings etc.

I think that DH and I have a pretty good "self absorbed arsehole" radar, and just don't get sucked into stuff like this. Also, I think other people just know that they can't guilt trip us into anything we don't want to or can't do.

Then there is confidence or lack of it. We are both politely assertive and aren't afraid to say no, and people know not to press us because they know that no means no.

[DoubleHelix79]

I've had colleagues like this - it's very disruptive and a drain on the team. Everyone is always against them, everything is a problem, any change is opposed and questioned endlessly. Complaints, formal grievances, going to senior management every time they feel offended. I'm sure they were convinced that every job there were in was some sort of toxic, bullying nightmare, even though they were generally supportive places with decent managers and colleagues. Unfortunately I've learned the hard way that you can't help or fix it, and may end up being on the receiving end of the next complaint.

[MakingTheBestOfIt]

@Iampicklerick

I don’t think people do create drama.

I think some people have had hard times and cannot recognise a good thing. They instinctively choose the bad thing because it’s familiar and comforting even if it doesn’t help them in the long term and will inevitably go wrong. If you’ve always been secure and had good grounding, these things seem obvious. Not to everyone though.

And so it looks like they are thriving on it, and loving it but really it’s the only way some people know how to live.

I’m trying to break generational curses but avoiding the drama, and that in itself brings drama from people you wish would just go away and leave you in peace. It’s a very hard process to recognise this in yourself and your family and do your best to move away from it.

So I wouldn’t say “they create drama! They love it!” because as ever it’s a bit more in-depth than that.

That’s a really interesting perspective on it. I imagine this must be the case for many people

[Crimeismymiddlename]

Is manage a women who can make a mountain out of any tiny molehill. She shouts about the tiniest things and takes offence at, and talks at length about perceived slights that normal people don’t notice for months on end. It is very hard to manage. She also has a very small life, has not left the very small town-which has excellent transport links to larger areas, for a few years and seems to have very few friends. It’s a bit sad. The other people I know absolutely create and thrive on it, and are generally not very nice so new friends drop them, giving them more drama to create and thrive on. I say this as a former drama lama, I could not cope with a nice normal easy life, I needed to create more excitement by inviting trouble in, I had some alcohol issues and was a deeply unpleasant and unhappy person. Fucking love my lack of drama life now.

[peaceanddove]

I think it's down to immaturity. An ex colleague is in her late 40s but has the emotional maturity of a 13 year old. She's embroiled in a petty, decade long war with both her neighbours, and she regularly goes non contact with members of her family (all splashed across social media, obvs).

As others have said, she carelessly tramples across boundaries and has little concept of 'appropriate behaviour'. She was genuinely baffled that I had never fallen out with any of my close friends and that I maintained a civil relationship with DH's family.

[NeverRTFT]

Yes they do.
Search up the Karpman Drama Triangle. Maybe there will be tedtalk on it

[MintyGreenDream]

I have family friend that I have to unfollow on fb regularly due to general whinging and attention seeking behaviour.The woman is 50s so not an immature teenager.

[the80sweregreat]

A few people I know are ' drama llamas'
I think they lack a lot of love sometimes.

[BlueSlate]

What about when you are accidental in, but the focus of the 'drama'?

I didn't do anything to invite it when it happened to me. I kept a really low profile believing least said soonest mended and it didn't stop it.

Like I said, in the most recent case, I completely and quietly removed myself from the situation yet discovered last week that the rumours persist.

I know some of what has been said but I also know there is more.

It's literally happening without any involvement from me.

I am not a drama llama; I avoid drama at all costs but there it is.

[LindaEllen]

I think we all have 'things' going on in our lives, the difference is the way we react to it. Some people quietly get on with it, other people plaster it all over social media and make a HUUUUGE thing of it. So I wouldn't say people 'attract' drama as such, rather they absolutely thrive in the midst of it.

[Iampicklerick]

MakingTheBestOfIt

I really think it’s that and unless you can take yourself out of it and really look at the motivation rather than the actual dramatic thing going on, you really see a pattern of behaviour.

I have a cousin who consistently goes for the same type of man over and over. Then there is a huge fall out and she is surprised it has gone that way. There is not surprise, it was always going to go that way because she is unable to see past the immediate want that she has, she takes comfort in the familiar, it’s always been this way, she feels that type of man is all she deserves, and so of course it is doomed from the start. Her friends perpetrate this behaviour by being there for her when it all ends badly.

As a result of those choices she has very little money and so that brings its own drama with childcare and cars going wrong, and places to live etc.

All she wants is to be loved. But she cannot make a good decision because she is addicted to bad ones through learned behaviour. It’s very easy to say “she loves it!”. She doesn’t love it. She is very unhappy but cannot live any other way.

Other people are narcissistic and enjoy negative attention and those ones are a different thing (my mum). Just cutting them out is the better option, and refusing to listen to the bile that will be directed at you for daring to ignore them. That’s why you find quiet people drawn in to drama with those types, they cannot bear being insignificant to anyone.

It’s so much more complicated than “she’s a drama llama”.

[Echobelly]

I think you may be on the money with a lot of people @Iampicklerick - definitely I think some people default to the worst explanation for anything either because that's their experience, and/or they're so concerned about the possibility of being taken advantage of/made a fool of that they decide to read things as negatively as possible - ie 'She must have been blanking me in the street yesterday when she was with her mates, I'll look naive if I assume it was a mistake - well I'll tell her she's a snotty cow'. Result: drama.

[PippaPots]

It's absolutely a certain type that attract it. I have a family member whose weekly highlight is the drama created among the other mums of the SN football club.

They all way over share, get completely entwined in each others family lives and tbh don't have much else to do.