Do some people just attract 'drama'?

[Echobelly]

I just wonder about this as I see some people on social media who are forever being 'betrayed' by friends, or having people 'gossip' about them or turn against them, and have relationships bust up spectacularly, but nothing like this has ever remotely happened to me.

I'm sure that's in part as I do keep my emotional distance a bit - I don't have super close, confiding relationships with my friends, I've never had secrets to share and so on. It does seem like more intense people get more of a rollercoaster, but doesn't appeal to me at all. But I suppose they might find my life deathly dull!

[flowerbombVR]

Yes! Consciously or unconsciously.

[KittenKong]

Lord yes, I worked with a woman who couldn’t just come into the office, take her coat off and sit down. Oh no. It was some new drama, tears or hell almost every single day. She was also a rather nasty bully and complete git. And boy did she love herself.

Her goal seemed to be to get our boss running her her, offering cups of tea and hugs. She once didn’t come into work for 2 days - not a sausage out of her. This was in ye olden days before mobile phones, so the boss tried to call a few times but got nothing. Day 3 she crawls into the office “sigggghhhhhhhhhhh. I was so soooooo iilll. I thought I was dying. I could hear the phone ring - but I tried to crawl over the floor to get to it....” bla bla bla.

So not a massive hangover after a weekend away in Brighton with someone else’s boyfriend then?

[KittenKong]

(Oh and when she crawled into the office, the boss sent her home AND then sent a bloody ‘gift basket’ for her to feel better!)

[ManifestingJoy]

Some people take everything so personally and hold on to it. If somebody queue jumps me, i notice it and think "charming buddy" but i wouldnt bother to tell anybody about it later!

[mutedrainbows]

What pp have said. Some people just aren't content unless they have some sort of drama happening in their lives. It makes it more exciting I suppose. Exhausting, in my opinion!

[Theunamedcat]

I do not actively seek out drama my ex can create drama in an empty room and it inevitably falls back on me he has several emails from me telling him to keep me and the kids out of his mess he just ignores them and continues to lie saying I'm "on his side" and supporting him ive blocked every single new profile he has on social media so I dont see it anymore

[insancerre]

I don’t do drama and distance myself from people that do

[ManifestingJoy]

I sometimes i worry im boring my therapist all my problems are so dull. But i know a woman who embellishes every little thing. I think she does it because of a fear of that feeling i get when im talking to my therapist.

Like a lack of worth makes you feel you have to SING FOR YOUR SUPPER

[Quire]

@ManifestingJoy

Some people take everything so personally and hold on to it. If somebody queue jumps me, i notice it and think "charming buddy" but i wouldnt bother to tell anybody about it later!

Exactly. You’d vaguely register someone else’s poor manners, and challenge or not, but then forget about it, not fester and then post a thread in AIBU six months later, still fuming about entitlement and remembering the entire contents of the queue jumper’s basket.

[TrampolineForMrKite]

I did have a period where my love life was straight out of a Take a Break magazine... but I was young. In my opinion if you’re too old for a Young Persons Railcard you’re too old for nonsense like that and definitely too old to be plastering it all over social media. I’ve been drama free for a good 20 years and it’s better this way.

[Craftycorvid]

Yup! Look up the drama triangle. Some folks will always be positioning themselves as victim, abuser or rescuer.

[Onlinedilema]

One people set lower boundaries than others.
Some accept being treated like dirt, whilst others don't and move on without further ado.
Some people instll discipline into their children, others don't so when things don't go well for poor Little Johnny they are up in arms rather than just getting on with life.

[1forAll74]

Some people create their own dramas. maybe to get attention. They tend to be very irritating people, and have a need to let others know all about their lifestyles. and what they have to go through. Some huge dramatic issue for them, would be seen as nothing much , to a more sensible and quieter person.

[AuntMasha]

Life has taught me to avoid drama llamas. The perpetual victim, ‘poor me’ types are the most lethal ime.

[Steelesauce]

My life the last few years has been like an eastenders storyline. Its completely settled now and I am so much happier. Some people just have periods of chaos in their lives. It was exhausting for the people around me but it was utterly devastating for me. I will now avoid drama at all costs and cut anyone out who creates it.

[weleasewoderick23]

I have a neighbour like this, posting on Facebook about having end of life care for cancer whilst not posting that she is in remission.
I made the mistake of having an argument with her when I first moved in because her son kept parking on my drive. It was 10 years ago and she's still talking about me to others and ignoring me! I don't actually care that much, she was never a friend, and I actually feel quite sorry for her as I think she's lonely. But Facebook is her life and is constantly posting to get attention
( I'm not on there, I get told this by my daughter). If she doesn't get attention she creates drama.
This is a woman in her '50's and I think it's really sad to see.

[Kite22]

@Aquamarine1029

They don't attract drama, they create it. People like that thrive on it.

This ^

From the threads I see on here, people completely over react to things so often, and take afront at things.
some people on here seem to be intent to look for offence where clearly none was meant, or invent all sorts of meaning behind things people said. Or they struggle to accept that someone might have had a bad day or been a bit rushed when they phrased something and then get all offended at the turn of phrase rather than accepting what the person actually meant.
etc
etc
etc

[HeyFloof]

All the people I have ever met like this are generally hard work, often quite intense, and deeply insecure at the heart of it, which is a shame.

I ended up embroiled with one a few years ago who tried to split up my relationship whilst helping me plan my wedding, when I think back you couldn't have made it up! She had numerous "best friends who knew her to her soul" and she was "incredibly loyal to" but who she would fall out with every five minutes. Once I realised there was a pattern to the falling out, I backed away emotionally and was next to be fallen out with.

[Echobelly]

@ManifestingJoy - yeah, definitely there is an issue of taking things personally. I generally read the best motive into things people do and it hasn't let me down yet - the one time I can remember having alarm bells, but still didn't say anything in case I was wrong, was when I didn't appear to have been invited to a party all my mates were going to. Turned out it was just everyone else assumed someone else had told me about it, which was on balance much more likely than everyone having suddenly turned against me for no reason. Which is exactly the kind of reason one should stop and think before turning around and accusing people of 'blanking' you or 'leaving you out' etc - most of these things are miscommunications, not maliciousness

[ManifestingJoy]

Being covertly excluded by one person does happen though. In my long life its happened twice. I guess it doesnt happen to everybody.

Somebody who is outwardly domineering but insecure at their core needs to believe they are above you on the hierarchy that exists in their head.

I only exude a very average amount of confidence, but i triggered some narc types feel unsettled around me just by not blowing smoke up their arse, by being wary around them.

That combination of not quite enough confidence combined with above average social insight is a recipe for being excluded.

Ive seen it happen to other people too and they fit that profile.

[MildCreamyCheddar]

Several periods in my life have been like a soap. Due to a combination of reasons I'm a vulnerable person and it's only the last three years I've managed to keep things more normal for want of a better word. Lack of social skills and awareness, lack of boundaries and awareness of them, abuse growing up, my adhd making me naturally more of a risk taker and impulse driven type.

It's meant not only have I been drawn to many things, places or people who are wrong for me, but I've attracted many (men, mostly, but some women) who aren't nice, or are dangerous.

It's incredibly embarrassing that these things happen to me. I really avoid people where possible now. Despite being more clued up than I was twenty and thirty years ago, I still have narrow misses.

[myadhdusername]

Absolutely and they’re the people who can’t keep it off SM.

[Echobelly]

I'm totally sure @MildCreamyCheddar there are totally innocent parties caught up in this stuff too! Though I suspect they are usually self-aware enough to discuss it a bit more dispassionately so it doesn't seem attention-seeking. Obviously we can't choose our families or necessarily our workmates, and some people do seem to end up surrounded by BS through no fault of their own.

[Alwayswonderedwhy]

I think some people create it. I used to work with a woman who would turn everything into a drama and as much as I'd try to not be involved in any way she'd manage to drag me into it. She completely ignores me if she sees me now and I have no idea why. I guess they do things to try and create a reaction.

[thecatsthecats]

I have a theory that behind every drama queen is an Internet CF thread egging them on to escalate the conflict whilst ignoring the real consequences to the protagonist's life.