If you were one of the popular/ cool/ in-crowd kid at school...

[Bluebellberry]

What do you think made you popular or cool? Was it looks, confidence, dress sense, way you spoke etc?
If you picked on other kids did you enjoy it, was it a power trip?
I was never one of the popular kids, they all seemed totally opposite of me so I was always so intrigued about how their mindset worked so differently to mine. I had low self esteem so wondered if popular kids is just naturally higher self-esteem, and somehow people can sense this?
Now I have a teen dc it's fascinating to see the same cycle repeat itself of the 'popular kids' crowd , and what makes wonder more what makes some one a queen bee or in the queen bee gang. I think confidence has a lot to do with it?

[Bbq1]

I left school 31 years ago now. I was quite clever (went to uni), looking back, very pretty but I never thought about my looks really. I had a close knit group of friends and we didn't think of ourselves as cool or not cool, we were just happy. I spoke to and mixed with other people but my friends were who I socialised with outside school. I was not very sporty and very shy and quiet. It's true that there are too groups of 'cool kids'. The first group there were more of were the confident girls who were usually slightly above average academically but really sporty. The type who had boyfriends throughout secondary school. Usually quite pleasant girls as I remember but uber confident. The other 'cool kids' weren't actually cool. They were usually bully type and didn't bother in school but were up to no good outside. They generally kept to themselves though and I don't recall any actual bullying during my school days. I don't ever remember a 'Queen Bee'. What is that exactly and is it a new thing? My ds is 15 now, has loads of friends and is quite popular but again has his own wide friendship group. He's very confident and outgoing, very different to me at thst age and more like his dad. There probably are still 'cool kids' at his school but I'm not aware or it. The once 'cool kids' who messed around etc abd still do are no longer seen as cool but viewed as annoying and immature. He says a lot of the girls (not all) are fake, obsessed with looks, selfies, Instagram etc. The main difference I see to my schooldays is the amount of children my ds knows who claim to be gay or bisexusal. It seems to be almost popular to claim you are gay it would seem. Conversely in my day not one person came out. It's sad because I'm sure there must have been people concealing their sexuality back then but frightened of the repercussions of coming out. Now, it appears to have gone the other way.

[rowlandsden]

The popular girls at my school were interested in sleeping around. I didn't sleep with anyone until uni so I was no way ever going to fit with them. They were the types that started wearing make-up in year 7, wearing thongs and deliberately flashing them and partying every single weekend. Come Monday morning, I used to sit behind them and hear all the stuff they got up to and then when in a different class, I would hear the boys talk about the stuff they got up to with those girls. I would say in my case it was them being extremely sexually active. Now I see them on sm and believe me I don't want to judge but you need to see the state of them. I'm glad I never wanted to join them and I'm grateful how my life has worked out for me.

[grassisjeweled]

I wasn't in the cool, popular group at all. I was in the oddball group - kids who belonged in no other group! So we had me, into martial arts, a few nerdy kids, a couple of kids who were into theatre /acting, and a couple of gay kids. A couple of other kids who were just well, a bit odd.

People say to me now, oh I bet you were in the cheerleader group at school. No way! I think I'm more humble and kind as a result of that.

[grassisjeweled]

'Queen Bee'. What is that exactly and is it a new thing?

^^

It's from the film Mean Girls.

[orchidsonabudget]

I'm interested in this too.
I wasn't one of the popular ones
And still am not now, though I am a thoughtful friend and have a wide range of friends (or did before covid)

[IthinkIm]

I didn't sleep around at all, the people who did this weren't popular at my school, quite the opposite in fact.

[PinkyParrot]

i had brothers and a dad I was close to

I think family relationships make a big difference. I had brothers and a dad I wasn't close to.

[FlyingByTheSeatof]

I think friendship groups change the older you get and learn you can ditch the queen bee bully of the group and move on to nicer friends.

I always ended up in the popular groups and looking back some were nice some weren't but I just left them and moved on to a better group

[DecemberSun]

I was in the popular group but I don't think we realised at the time. Looking back I can see we were and old school friends have said as much.

We were mouthy and loud and up for a laugh. We still kept up with school work but I know the teachers found us difficult. I don't think we picked on other people but we did lookout for our own. We went round in a pack of sorts, shopping together, discos together, partied together. Swapped boyfriends on occasion.

Still close to 2 of them decades later.

[FlyingByTheSeatof]

My DD 13 seems to be the same as me.

She has got stuck in some horrid friendship groups but has naturally moved into nicer newly created groups of likeminded friends.

[Hoppinggreen]

I was definitely Queen Bee and at times I admit I could be pretty unpleasant to people I didn’t consider cool enough to bother with but I think it was more “you’re not worthy” rather than actively bullying. Still not nice though
I think I was popular because I was good looking and had nice clothes. I was at a Private school where a lot of the kids had very sheltered lives but I had an older brother who wasn’t at the school and my parents were a bit slack so I was out drinking and clubbing from 14 which I think made me seem very exciting to some people. Everyone wanted to get an invite to my house because as I said my parents weren’t very strict and my Mum was always on hand to cook and/or drop us off anywhere, plus there were usually older boys around (my brother and his mates).
From around 16/17 I kind of pulled away from the cool kids and stuck with a solid core of good friends, some of whom I still see 30 years later.
I think I did probably miss out on getting to know some really nice people at school because I didn’t think they were worth my time unfortunately

[Hoppinggreen]

My DD is the exact opposite funnily enough

[Biscoffaddict]

Depends what you mean by ‘popular’? I was never in the cool or in gang or whatever you want to call it, but I always had lots of friends. The ‘in’ gang was a small group of really quite unpleasant, stuck of people who hung around with older kids a lot.

The rest of us all sort of muddled a long together. Two of my best friends were so desperate to try and get in with the cool gang, it’s quite tragic when I think back about the lengths they went to to in order to be accepted by them. They never really were though.

[BigusBumus]

I was part of the cool, In crowd at school. I was pretty and outgoing, very sporty, as were my friends. I think we did things "first". First to drink, smoke, have parties, boyfriends, sex etc.

I was never mean to anyone at school and neither were any of my friends. Its just that i didn't particularly gel with people who weren't like me, but that goes with all people doesn't it? I was aware we were the popular kids, but that didn't mean I looked down on anybody, just that i wasn't bezzie mates with the entire year group....who is?

My three teenage boys have always been the good-looking, popular kids too. In all the first teams for rugby, cricket etc. They go to a single sex Public School and are friends with the popular pretty sporty girls from the neighbouring girl's school. Its been interesting to watch, as a parent, literally from Year 9 they all kind of shuffled into these same groups without realising it.

[Bouledeneige]

I wasn't in the most popular group but probably the second most popular tier. We had a laugh and went out a lot but we weren't the coolest, most full of themselves and most out there. We had such fun though.

I've known them all since I was 9 and 45 years later we are all still very good friends. Like putting on an old and very comfy pair of slippers.

The most popular? Some went on to be very successful some not so much - their superiority complexes and first to do everything status didn't really keep them in some peak social tier.

Interestingly my DD was similar in social status at her school. I'm relieved really because the populars were the first to get druggy, have sex, go to raves and generally take risks. She's now 20 and says time is a leveller - though one or two of the prettiest/richest are still very full of themselves but no one cares.