If you were one of the popular/ cool/ in-crowd kid at school...

[Bluebellberry]

What do you think made you popular or cool? Was it looks, confidence, dress sense, way you spoke etc?
If you picked on other kids did you enjoy it, was it a power trip?
I was never one of the popular kids, they all seemed totally opposite of me so I was always so intrigued about how their mindset worked so differently to mine. I had low self esteem so wondered if popular kids is just naturally higher self-esteem, and somehow people can sense this?
Now I have a teen dc it's fascinating to see the same cycle repeat itself of the 'popular kids' crowd , and what makes wonder more what makes some one a queen bee or in the queen bee gang. I think confidence has a lot to do with it?

[Bouledeneige]

I wasn't in the most popular group but probably the second most popular tier. We had a laugh and went out a lot but we weren't the coolest, most full of themselves and most out there. We had such fun though.

I've known them all since I was 9 and 45 years later we are all still very good friends. Like putting on an old and very comfy pair of slippers.

The most popular? Some went on to be very successful some not so much - their superiority complexes and first to do everything status didn't really keep them in some peak social tier.

Interestingly my DD was similar in social status at her school. I'm relieved really because the populars were the first to get druggy, have sex, go to raves and generally take risks. She's now 20 and says time is a leveller - though one or two of the prettiest/richest are still very full of themselves but no one cares.

[BigusBumus]

I was part of the cool, In crowd at school. I was pretty and outgoing, very sporty, as were my friends. I think we did things "first". First to drink, smoke, have parties, boyfriends, sex etc.

I was never mean to anyone at school and neither were any of my friends. Its just that i didn't particularly gel with people who weren't like me, but that goes with all people doesn't it? I was aware we were the popular kids, but that didn't mean I looked down on anybody, just that i wasn't bezzie mates with the entire year group....who is?

My three teenage boys have always been the good-looking, popular kids too. In all the first teams for rugby, cricket etc. They go to a single sex Public School and are friends with the popular pretty sporty girls from the neighbouring girl's school. Its been interesting to watch, as a parent, literally from Year 9 they all kind of shuffled into these same groups without realising it.

[Biscoffaddict]

Depends what you mean by ‘popular’? I was never in the cool or in gang or whatever you want to call it, but I always had lots of friends. The ‘in’ gang was a small group of really quite unpleasant, stuck of people who hung around with older kids a lot.

The rest of us all sort of muddled a long together. Two of my best friends were so desperate to try and get in with the cool gang, it’s quite tragic when I think back about the lengths they went to to in order to be accepted by them. They never really were though.

[Hoppinggreen]

My DD is the exact opposite funnily enough

[Hoppinggreen]

I was definitely Queen Bee and at times I admit I could be pretty unpleasant to people I didn’t consider cool enough to bother with but I think it was more “you’re not worthy” rather than actively bullying. Still not nice though
I think I was popular because I was good looking and had nice clothes. I was at a Private school where a lot of the kids had very sheltered lives but I had an older brother who wasn’t at the school and my parents were a bit slack so I was out drinking and clubbing from 14 which I think made me seem very exciting to some people. Everyone wanted to get an invite to my house because as I said my parents weren’t very strict and my Mum was always on hand to cook and/or drop us off anywhere, plus there were usually older boys around (my brother and his mates).
From around 16/17 I kind of pulled away from the cool kids and stuck with a solid core of good friends, some of whom I still see 30 years later.
I think I did probably miss out on getting to know some really nice people at school because I didn’t think they were worth my time unfortunately

[FlyingByTheSeatof]

My DD 13 seems to be the same as me.

She has got stuck in some horrid friendship groups but has naturally moved into nicer newly created groups of likeminded friends.

[DecemberSun]

I was in the popular group but I don't think we realised at the time. Looking back I can see we were and old school friends have said as much.

We were mouthy and loud and up for a laugh. We still kept up with school work but I know the teachers found us difficult. I don't think we picked on other people but we did lookout for our own. We went round in a pack of sorts, shopping together, discos together, partied together. Swapped boyfriends on occasion.

Still close to 2 of them decades later.

[FlyingByTheSeatof]

I think friendship groups change the older you get and learn you can ditch the queen bee bully of the group and move on to nicer friends.

I always ended up in the popular groups and looking back some were nice some weren't but I just left them and moved on to a better group

[PinkyParrot]

i had brothers and a dad I was close to

I think family relationships make a big difference. I had brothers and a dad I wasn't close to.

[IthinkIm]

I didn't sleep around at all, the people who did this weren't popular at my school, quite the opposite in fact.

[orchidsonabudget]

I'm interested in this too.
I wasn't one of the popular ones
And still am not now, though I am a thoughtful friend and have a wide range of friends (or did before covid)

[grassisjeweled]

'Queen Bee'. What is that exactly and is it a new thing?

^^

It's from the film Mean Girls.

[grassisjeweled]

I wasn't in the cool, popular group at all. I was in the oddball group - kids who belonged in no other group! So we had me, into martial arts, a few nerdy kids, a couple of kids who were into theatre /acting, and a couple of gay kids. A couple of other kids who were just well, a bit odd.

People say to me now, oh I bet you were in the cheerleader group at school. No way! I think I'm more humble and kind as a result of that.

[rowlandsden]

The popular girls at my school were interested in sleeping around. I didn't sleep with anyone until uni so I was no way ever going to fit with them. They were the types that started wearing make-up in year 7, wearing thongs and deliberately flashing them and partying every single weekend. Come Monday morning, I used to sit behind them and hear all the stuff they got up to and then when in a different class, I would hear the boys talk about the stuff they got up to with those girls. I would say in my case it was them being extremely sexually active. Now I see them on sm and believe me I don't want to judge but you need to see the state of them. I'm glad I never wanted to join them and I'm grateful how my life has worked out for me.

[Bbq1]

I left school 31 years ago now. I was quite clever (went to uni), looking back, very pretty but I never thought about my looks really. I had a close knit group of friends and we didn't think of ourselves as cool or not cool, we were just happy. I spoke to and mixed with other people but my friends were who I socialised with outside school. I was not very sporty and very shy and quiet. It's true that there are too groups of 'cool kids'. The first group there were more of were the confident girls who were usually slightly above average academically but really sporty. The type who had boyfriends throughout secondary school. Usually quite pleasant girls as I remember but uber confident. The other 'cool kids' weren't actually cool. They were usually bully type and didn't bother in school but were up to no good outside. They generally kept to themselves though and I don't recall any actual bullying during my school days. I don't ever remember a 'Queen Bee'. What is that exactly and is it a new thing? My ds is 15 now, has loads of friends and is quite popular but again has his own wide friendship group. He's very confident and outgoing, very different to me at thst age and more like his dad. There probably are still 'cool kids' at his school but I'm not aware or it. The once 'cool kids' who messed around etc abd still do are no longer seen as cool but viewed as annoying and immature. He says a lot of the girls (not all) are fake, obsessed with looks, selfies, Instagram etc. The main difference I see to my schooldays is the amount of children my ds knows who claim to be gay or bisexusal. It seems to be almost popular to claim you are gay it would seem. Conversely in my day not one person came out. It's sad because I'm sure there must have been people concealing their sexuality back then but frightened of the repercussions of coming out. Now, it appears to have gone the other way.

[79andnotout]

I was in the popular group at school, but I was the token quirky one in the group. I think I was in the group as the queen bee was in all my sets (top set) and needed a pal, and I was probably the best of the bunch. She was a massive bitch but really funny and great to be around if you were on the right side of her.

When I left to do my a levels at a bigger college I left them all behind and ensconced myself firmly in the nerd camp where I belonged.

[plumpootle]

Should say - I felt amazingly powerful at school. And the confidence and power I felt then did carry me along and even does now I think. But I work hard at being a good person and kind, I don't misuse it or anything.

[plumpootle]

I was popular. I was pretty (am not now) and confident, socially. I was good at sport, team and individual. Never picked on anyone but I'm sure I was thoughtless at times.

[Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor]

I think it depends a bit what type of school you were at. At my secondary there were one or two over achievers who managed to be cool and popular because they were also good at sports and good looking.
But the vast majority of cool kids were the dangerous, under achiever type. Often they were funny and quite a good laugh, but definitely not academic.
I managed to get through secondary school in one piece by remaining unnoticed.

[BlueThursday]

I went to 2 high schools and had vastly different experiences in each.

In the first I was seen as nerdy, geeky, awkward and a swot who had a couple of friends. Doing well at school was something to be ashamed of. I didn’t have a “proper” Glasgow accent like the others

When I moved in 5th year due to the first school closing I was all of a sudden in a school where the “cool” people were both academic and they spoke like me. I definitely moved up the ranks in terms of popularity then. Hated the place though

[Guineapigbridge]

Here's some factors that I think lead to popularity (not the tats, fags and too-cool-for learning kind, the all-achieving kind):
Stability, e.g. having the same home, same parents and same cohort of friends all the way through primary, and the ability to make new friends on your terms at secondary.
Non-sexual male approval, e.g. having a Dad who is around and who likes spending time with you. Older brothers.
Sports, e.g. having ability in a sport, and being healthy and in-shape.
Teenagers are very shallow so the last one is Looks, e.g. not chubby and not spotty and having good 'radar' for what clothing/style is cool)

[unbotheredbutbewildered]

I went to a girls only school and would classify myself as 'fairly popular.'

Looking back on it; I was very attractive (how times change...), class joker who still achieved top grades, various sports teams and nice to everyone.

As much as people may criticise me for saying this...I think the thing that really made me popular was that I attracted 'rugby guys.' In a private girls-only school dating anyone in the local boys private school rugby team just made you cool...

There was nothing special or cool about me other than my ability to be friends with decent looking men.

[TrainspottingWelsh]

I suppose I was, always got asked to everything and I was generally liked, people were more inclined to want to be my friend than fall out with me. I think it was confidence, or perceived confidence.

A combination of reasons. Partly because I really didn't care, I was more interested in horses and pony club friends than trying to be part of a group at school or be popular.
I was also friends with loads of boys, but not remotely into them myself at that age, which at a single sex school made me very popular as a go between in my teens.
I was into alternative dress and music, was impulsive and given to doing mad shit, which I have been told since impressed some of my peers, the more so because I didn't draw attention to it or seem to care whether anyone approved or knew. Which I didn't.

I was also quite outspoken and confident, which probably attracted some, and made others reluctant to fall out with me.
I also had less than a loving upbringing, so it was impossible for a peer to personally bother me, let alone upset me, so the odd time anyone tried they always came off worse because I could be vicious, but could cheerfully laugh off anything they said or did.

I never used it to pick on anyone, and although I wasn't the leader of the popular group or even inclined to hang around with them all the time, I was often the one that was happy to stand out and say what I thought when they or anyone else was saying or doing something I disagreed with. And if that was something shitty those that had previously been afraid to say anything would then gravitate towards me.

[newNameAgainthrowaway]

I have changed my name for this as I am embarrassed.

I was popular at secondary school. I think this was mostly because I was dealing with so much stuff myself that I just didn’t care at all and this nonchalant attitude combined with a very self destructive element (drinking far too much, smoking, misbehaving) made other teenagers think I was “cool”.
I was very academic which meant I could get away with anything as the school just didn’t care. I also had an eating disorder so I was thinner than most and this seemed to be valued.

So for me it wasn’t confidence but the opposite. I had zero self esteem and was suicidally depressed, but people who didn’t know me would probably never have guessed and probably thought my life was perfect.

[IthinkIm]

Just had a thought, my DC's used to be very good at sports and I think that makes a big difference.