At nearly 40yrs old I’ve realised that my poor relationship with my dad has had a massive impact on my life.
He wasn’t really part of my childhood, he was always at work (CID) and when he wasn’t we were tiptoeing around the house so as not to disturb him. He left my mum when I was 8 and moved in with his new girlfriend. Every other weekend I would arrive at his house and feel like I was in the way the whole time. It was obvious, even then, that I was an inconvenience. He’d make fun of me and show very little affection.
I had a best friend who was the daughter of one of his best friends. I always remember watching how he’d fuss over her, compliment her and laugh with her. I can remember thinking that she was the daughter he would have wanted.
I moved away with my mum in my early teens and only saw him during the summer for around 5/6 years. Again, the moment I’d arrive I felt like I was in the way.
I never knew either of my Grandads, had no uncles or anyone that could have been another ‘father figure’.
I found that by 17yrs old I was so desperate for male attention, that I’d end up with just about any man that gave me the time of day.
At 18 I was pregnant. Then over the next 8/9 years I went through 3/4 horrible relationships. Always trying desperately to please, being treated like shit but being so scared of being on my own I’d put up with it.
Eventually I met a lovely guy and on my wedding day I was so excited, I couldn’t wait for that moment like in the movies when the bride walks in and her dad has tears running down his cheeks, I didn’t get it. He didn’t even comment on how I looked. Didn’t even say I looked nice. His speech was a poem he’d printed off the internet. Nothing about me, who I was or that he was proud of me. He could have been reading it to anyone.
I left my husband after a few years, he was too nice, too loyal, too forgiving.
I’m in a wonderful relationship now and I’m very happy in general but to be honest, that feeling of rejection from the one man that is supposed to love you more than anything, never goes away.
He lives 5 minutes away. I haven’t seen him for 2 years. I text him and get one word replies or just an emoji....
I don’t need him, or want anything from him...I just struggle sometimes with understanding what I did wrong.
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How has your relationship with your dad affected your life?
SneakyBlinder · 04/10/2020 06:00
I was a huge disappointment because I wasn't a boy. My father is controlling and a bit of a bully, or at least he was until as an adult I was finally able to stand up to him. Never physically abusive but does a fine line in emotional blackmail and is capable of saying very nasty things. I have no idea how my mother puts up with it, they've been married over 60 years. I manage to maintain a civil relationship with him, but I think it says it all that I married a lovely man who couldn't be more different from my father.
I'm sorry there are so many awful experiences on here, they put mine into perspective really. For all of you 
I sometimes worry that, in some ways, I've turned out like the old man, although I can't put my finger on what or how. I'm a little impatient or blunt, perhaps. I don't have his nasty temper, thankfully. I've always been single but I don't think I can necessarily blame the old fool for that. Just unlucky in that side of life, I fear.
So many similar stories here! Mine left for his OW when I was 3 months old, went on to have a Son, stopped paying the mortgage on our house without telling anyone so my Mum and I were evicted with 3 days notice when I was 3, transferred his business into his Wife's name and paid himself a pittance to dodge paying decent maintenance. Typical arsehole behaviour.
I had no relationship with him at all until I was about 17, at which point I saw him a few times, hit and miss. Big fuss about my birthday one year, nothing the next, he just couldn't be arsed. Introduced to my half brother (we have miraculously managed to build a sibling relationship ourselves since then). They had a nice life of big detached house, private schools, frequent Caribbean holidays. I'd had a council house, rough school and Butlins.
In my early 20s I decided to go NC again and haven't looked back. I saw him at a wedding last summer and took absolute delight in elegantly blanking his pitiful attempts to act like he knows me, or cares, and his Wifes eye-rolling and tutting, as if it were somehow me that had caused drama in HER life 
I too had a shit relationship with Men through my teens and twenties. Desperate for attention, but didn't think I deserved to be treated well etc, same old story. It wasn't until my mid-30s and with the help of some wonderful Male friends that I realised that not all of them are bastards, and stopped allowing myself to be walked over.
I hope to be lucky with DP; he had a great relationship with his own Dad and can't fathom how any Men walk out on their kids, if we're lucky enough to have them ourselves I have as much faith as anyone can have that he'll be the opposite Dad to our kids that mine was to me.
@MuseumOfYou that’s a lovely post. Sounds like you have a wonderful father 
My Dad is wonderful. He's a truly good human being - kind, selfless, clever, dependable, compassionate. He lives for his family and is truly adored in return.
That said, I have always craved male attention, was highly promiscuous, always sought from highly inappropriate sources (positions of authority, much older men etc) and have been self-destructive in many of my relationships. I think for me it's just part of who I am, more than how I was raised or what my father was like.
Sorry to hear about the sad stories on here. I am truly grateful for my parents and their unconditional love.
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Yes. My dad loved what he called 'a good argument' and was very manipulative. The only things he readily expressed were anger and sneering at others. He must have been an exciting boyfriend but an appalling husband for Mum. She suffered for decades with high blood pressure, surely due to being married to the most quarrelsome man in the world. He was an awful bully.
It was psychological torture so was invisible. We were never praised and therefore felt that we were never ever good enough. It had a massive effect on all his children. He only engaged with us to argue or show off his supposed superiority. None of us had any self confidence. It's taken until my mid-sixties to realise that I'm as good as anyone else.
for others who suffered either physically or emotionally at the hands of their fathers.
for those of you with awful dads. Mine was lovely but since his death I'm left with a very difficult mother and I'm now realising the scale of the impact she has had on me. I don't want to let it take over my life but it's tricky.
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