I was stealthed last night

[Anon00]

I had a drunken one night stand last night, it was really really stupid but I’m only 20 and I’m sure everyone’s been there at some point.

We had sex twice however it was only halfway through the second time I realised that he was lying about wearing a condom. I feel so terrible. I’ve taken the morning after pill (I’ve never done that before I always have safe sex )and he’s in the army so that means he doesn’t have HIV. I don’t think you can get other STD tests at the moment but hopefully it’ll be fine. Is it normal to feel so freaked out by it though ? I’m not really sure what to do I feel a bit violated

[over50andfab]

@Anon00

Oh wait I misread the advice from the previous poster I’m going to take a dose now and then again at 9am. So that’s only 41 hours after

Good choice.. As said earlier the ideal is within 24 hrs So the sooner the better. Setting an alarm as a reminder to take them is good over the next 28 days. 👍🏻

[S111n20]

Glad your feeling calmer op.💐

[Clairekat45]

Please don’t put blame on yourself ,he assaulted you and lied , I agree with other posters the show I may destroy you covered this and taught me that stealthing is a sexual assault and classed as rape ... you didn’t consent
You’re not a bad person for having a one night stand either , please report this and get any medical assistance you need , and be kinder to yourself , you can dm me anytime if you want a stranger to talk to but most of all you haven’t done anything wrong here x huge hugs for you

[Anon00]

Oh wait I misread the advice from the previous poster I’m going to take a dose now and then again at 9am. So that’s only 41 hours after

[Anon00]

@over50andfab

OP you should start the PEP ASAP, ideally within 24 hrs of the event as the longer you leave it the less effective it is. As said you mustn’t miss a dose.

I’m going to start it at 9am tomorrow morning, that will be 52 hours after it happened, the woman I spoke to said anything under 72 is fine, hopefully that’ll be okay

[over50andfab]

OP you should start the PEP ASAP, ideally within 24 hrs of the event as the longer you leave it the less effective it is. As said you mustn’t miss a dose.

[Graphista]

I think it is worth it yes - having nursed patients with aids definitely.

I got on fine with it which was actually surprising as I have a lot of problems using meds! Some nausea but nothing major but everyone is different.

From what I recall you don't ever double dose with pep as they're fairly toxic meds in terms of you metabolising them and you're just starting them so take tonight's dose as your first dose then twice daily thereafter

BUT it's absolutely imperative once you start that you do not miss a dose as this significantly affects efficacy - set reminders on your phone!

[Anon00]

@Graphista

Good update. Inform yourself on the pep and take properly of course. I've had to take myself in the past thanks to a stupid needle stick incident, hope you get on ok with it.

Oh I’m sorry you had to take it too, thanks for sharing. What was ur experience with it - would you say it’s worth it when the risk is so low ?
I also forgot to ask them something and now they’re shut until Monday - possibly you can advise me although don’t worry if you don’t have a clue, it’s a twice a day medication and obviously best to start as soon as possible but I’ve got it in the evening - so should I wait until tomorrow to take it or take like all of today’s in one dose ( so the morning and evening tablets both this evening ) ? It only occurred to me after I got it and I don’t have a clue

[Buggedandconfused]

What a horrible man. Glad you are feeling better now you have tests and meds. Take care 💐

[RuffleCrow]

Sorry x-post.

[RuffleCrow]

Contact Rape Crisis op. Surely they can best advise you on tests and also reporting to the police. "Stealthed". God, I'm glad I'm no longer young so i don't have to use opaque Orwellian language to be socially accepted. No offence to you.

[Graphista]

Good update. Inform yourself on the pep and take properly of course. I've had to take myself in the past thanks to a stupid needle stick incident, hope you get on ok with it.

[Anon00]

Update, I called the local sexual health clinic and they’ve given me PEP which is a medication to prevent HIV after a possible exposure to it.

I had a consultation over the phone they said my risk is 0.001% for contracting it and if the sex had been consensual I wouldn’t be allowed it, but because it was ‘assault’ they would give it to me to put my mind at rest. I have to go back in on Monday so they can explain it to me face to face and get a blood test then on the 7th I’m getting an std test and a hep b vaccine. I feel a lot more calm now I’ve got the pep and a bit more in control

[Katinski]

Hey OP! I've read the whole thread, I'm pleased you're going to do all the things you need to, and so, from that going forward, it's going to be onwards and upwards for you.
So just now want to wish you a great, productive and happy time at Uni.

[Graphista]

“and he’s in the army so that means he doesn’t have HIV.”

What on Earth gave you that idea?

There’s no routine testing for std’s in the army. It’s encouraged but they have the same rights to not consent (ironically) to being tested as the rest of us.

If I tell a medical professional does that mean I’ll have to pursue it legally ? no you don’t have to but it would be good to give yourself the option by writing down what happened while it’s fresh in your mind and getting as much evidence collected as possible.

As he’s army you could also report to their authorities. I’ll be honest this may not get you any immediate satisfaction but could impact his promotion prospects at least.

I’m in Scotland too op there are avenues and organisations you can access

https://www.mygov.scot/rape-assault/support-for-female-victims/

https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk

[Justaboy]

FWIW Seems there is some case law on this now re implied use of condoms..

Conditional' Consent

Section 74 has recently been considered by the High Court and the Court of Appeal in a series of cases where ostensible consent in relation to sexual offences was considered not to be true consent, either because a condition upon which consent was given was not complied with or because of a material deception (other than one which falls within section 76 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 [SOA]). The resultant judgments identified three sets of circumstances in which consent to sexual activity might be vitiated where the condition was breached.

In Julian Assange v Swedish Prosecution Authority [2011] EWHC 2849 (Admin), an extradition case, the President of the Queens Bench Division considered the situation in which Mr Assange knew that AA would only consent to sexual intercourse if he used a condom. Rejecting the view that the conclusive presumption in section 76 of the SOA would apply in these circumstances the President concluded that the "issue of materiality ...can be determined under section 74 rather than section 76".

On the specific facts the President said:

"It would plainly be open to a jury to hold that if AA had made clear that she would only consent to sexual intercourse if Mr Assange used a condom, then there would be no consent if, without her consent, he did not use a condom, or removed or tore the condom ..... His conduct in having sexual intercourse without a condom in circumstances where she had made clear she would only have sexual intercourse if he used a condom would therefore amount to an offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003...."

[Over50andfab]

@Anon00

I’ve registered with the uni gp and I’m going to try and get an appointment and I read I can get an std test there

This is a good idea. As another poster mentioned STIs have window periods where a recent infection would not show up on any tests so there would be no point getting tested at the moment. If you were to contact your nearest sexual health service (another option and they’re totally non judgemental) they would tell you this. sh24.org.uk/sexual-health/stis/sti-testing

However, it is worth contacting either to let them know that you had unprotected (condomless) sex as they might want to take you through a risk assessment and possible give you PEP (like the MAP but for HIV). This would need to be started within 72 hrs and the sooner the better to be effective.

Sorry you’ve experienced this and absolutely your choice not to take what happened any further.

[Codexdivinchi]

@Anon00

I’ve registered with the uni gp and I’m going to try and get an appointment and I read I can get an std test there

Hope your ok. Speak to some one professional and they will be able to guide you through it. It will be completely confidential. I see you’ve booked in with the uni GP that’s a great start.

Also don’t blame yourself x

[mindutopia]

Sorry this has happened to you. You absolutely can get a full sexual health screening right now (I work in sexual health, much of it you can do at home with a self sampling kit, you can get these privately even if not available in your area).

[ThreePipeProblems]

It happened to me. I’m really sorry it happened to you. I bought the condoms. He put it on. He must have removed it as we were doing doggy style. I only realised after. I didn’t realise it was rape until many months later. I blocked him on everything the day after as I was so angry. When he finally managed to message me (via Instagram...I don’t use it but it’s on my phone so had forgotten about it) I pointed out that he had raped me. Never heard from him since.get an STD test. And deal with it whichever way makes you feel better.

[toastfiend]

Ah, sorry cross-posted. I hope the GP is able to help.

[toastfiend]

@Anon00 I don't want to push you, but it concerns me that you think his being in the military means he's definitely HIV free. In all probability, he is, but he absolutely won't be routinely tested for HIV just because he's in the military. The only way he'd have been made to have one through the Army is if he's been directed to as a result of visiting prostitutes in areas with a high rate of infection and his chain of command have found out about it.

I understand that you don't want to call it rape, and that's entirely your prerogative, but Rape Crisis may be worth contacting just to see if they could direct you to available sexual health provision.

[Anon00]

I’ve registered with the uni gp and I’m going to try and get an appointment and I read I can get an std test there

[Inaquandry19]

A similar thing happened to me about 9 years ago op. I look back now and wish I had reported it, along with a number or other incidents that happened over the years. This one really sticks in my memory though.

[Lollyneenah]

Or so*