What do you wish you’d been told when your DC started secondary?

[NotExactlyHappyToHelp]

DS trotted off to his first day of year 7 today and I’m a big ball of nerves thinking there’s something we’ve forgotten to send him with or something we haven’t done. I can’t wait to go fetch him. It’s like the first day of primary all over again.

Is there anything you wish you’d have known when your DC made the move up? It’s so hands off compared to primary I feel a bit useless.

[Longwhiskers14]

Sorry, I meant who might be nervous and anxious. Obviously not all are.

[formerbabe]

@Longwhiskers14. When my ds started they came down hard on tiny infringements....I'm in two minds over this. On the one hand it made my ds quite anxious, however it also got across the importance of organisation and planning and behaviour. I also dont want my ds learning disrupted by badly behaved pupils. I was pretty fed up when he was threatened with detention for not having a glue stick despite it not being on the stationery list we were given. If I'd known he needed one, he'd have had one.

[Longwhiskers14]

formerbabe Okay, good to know. DD is a bit scatty, so I shall impress upon her the need for being organised. But if she's picked up on stuff, it won't be the end of the world - it might be the best way to teach her a lesson!

[Infullbloom]

Mine is starting week 3 of high school and I can confirm the attitude thing is true! Mind you I've always noticed big changes a few weeks into a new school year, they seem to suddenly grow up. Also yes to school coming down hard on first years. Ds and many of his friends have already been pulled up for minor indiscretions, including momentarily removing a mask. Saying that I don't think it's a bad thing. Ds has learned that mucking about play fighting is not tolerated in high school like it was in primary and won't be doing that again.
Yes to all the new friends, I've found myself asking 'and where's he from?' several times already
Oh and they won't tell you anything about their day until bedtime when they decide they have loads to tell you, some things never change.

[HasaDigaEebowai]

That they come down HARD on them for the first half a term.

That every single thing they do that's a considered an indiscretion will be punished.

I remember DS1, an extreme rule follower whose worst fear is being told off by a teacher, getting a demerit for handing in his homework (all correct and beautifully presented) but forgetting to put his name on it. The teacher knew it was his work too. He was mortified - but he didn't do it again.

He also got one in year 8 for "rummaging around in his teachers drawers during breaktime" and couldn't understand why I found it amusing

[MogHog]

Set a limit on parentpay for what they can spend daily..my son burnt through the first £50 I put on it in under two weeks buying breakfast, dinner and snacks for his mates...he is SEN but it was a lesson learnt

[Eaumyword]

Yy to all the detentions for minor infringements - ours were all for forgetting homework and not having kit. Hugely inconvenient for me to go and get him. Taught him to be way more organised, so I see it was worth it.
You really hear nothing about what they are learning and Parent' Evening is odd but quite good, in that they talk to the kids and not you, even though you're right there!
Oh and absolutely yes to sausage rolls, chips, croissant and hash browns for lunch! Thank god you can see what's happening online! We progressed to DS just getting a meal deal from the supermarket. At least that way he selects a salad, wrap or sushi.
Fashion becomes really important , so the 'right' skinny trousers/coat are apparently everything!
I've managed to get to know DS's friends and they are happy to chat to me when they come over. That's lovely!

[itsgettingweird]

Long it was an awful school. Ds left after a year. For a variety of reasons. The secondary he ended up at was so different and he learnt to enjoy school again after being too anxious to attend for months.

That was more a personal one for me tbh

[Pegase]

Teacher here. Three things that come up a lot
1- help them establish a good routine for doing homework as it can cause Y7s a lot of stress if they think they are going to get detention or something for forgetting homework/not understanding homework. This includes reinforcing helpful strategies for if they didn't understand the homework (e.g. find teacher in advance- this is only possible if you attempt homework well before deadline!)

2- some parents (and their children!) have great systems for organising their children's books e.g. little zip folders to keep exercise books and text book in or a homework file where all homework lives. Seems to be a big help.

3- keep a very close eye on any pan-Year 7 WhatsApp groups. A very close eye. 90% of Year 7 behaviour / friendship problems start here...

[Eaumyword]

Oh yes - my DS did that too. Semi adopted a friend and we bought his lunch for a whole term! I didn't mind, he wasn't eating lunch otherwise bless him (not lack of money I don't think, just a bit of chaos at home) but Parentpay was £40 a week!!

[Whatwouldscullydo]

That you can screw up a green pen

That you will probably never seen them ever again

[Longwhiskers14]

@Pegase

Teacher here. Three things that come up a lot
1- help them establish a good routine for doing homework as it can cause Y7s a lot of stress if they think they are going to get detention or something for forgetting homework/not understanding homework. This includes reinforcing helpful strategies for if they didn't understand the homework (e.g. find teacher in advance- this is only possible if you attempt homework well before deadline!)

2- some parents (and their children!) have great systems for organising their children's books e.g. little zip folders to keep exercise books and text book in or a homework file where all homework lives. Seems to be a big help.

3- keep a very close eye on any pan-Year 7 WhatsApp groups. A very close eye. 90% of Year 7 behaviour / friendship problems start here...

This is all very useful! Thanks!

Our DD doesn't have a smartphone or WhatsApp yet. She's going to stick out like a sore thumb, isn't she?

[Eaumyword]

My DS (yr 11) is all about Snapchat. He will WhatsApp me, but thinks it's for 'old folks', as apparently is Facebook!
Smartphones are kind of important to them, yes. I struck a deal a few years ago where a new phone was the big Birthday/Christmas gift, as opposed to another thing they must have on top of everything else. We just do monthly leasing or whatever it is. They want mountains of mobile data! My DS calmed down, so he's got an iPhone but not bothered to have anywhere near the most up to date one now.
In yr 7, he started with an old phone of ours and when we began to trust he wouldn't lose/break it, then he went onto a better one.

[Longwhiskers14]

Eaumyword She's got a dumbphone she had in Y6 and we were going to give her an old iPhone in Nov but may bring that forward in the light of what you're saying! In the meantime she can have WhatsApp on her iPad if it becomes an issue of her missing out on stuff. I'm very anti it myself, because the way it mines personal data is horrendous, worse than any messaging app, and it's 16+ for a reason. But equally I don't want her left. out if her new friends use it to communicate.

[Newgirls]

Ah yes whatsapp. They will want to be on it and it is a complete pain.

[Yawningyawning]

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp he insisted for a while there were no meals offered, only snack food. Yes many sausage rolls, bacon baps.
We got there eventually. He’s had roast and curry... But all packed lunch for now anyway.

[Eaumyword]

Maybe see how she goes on with an old phone first? Our biggest worry was theft, loss or damage, but astonishingly none of those ever happened (so far anyway!)
Also maybe wait and see what communication method they go for rather than install several? I think you can monitor some of them if you link phones but I'm not technical!
Good luck with everything! They find their tribe, sometimes after a few false friendship starts and it tends to evolve from there. It's scary at first but she and you will settle to it all just fine

[Mercedes519]

Second the not knowing. Anything. Homework, problems, topics, friends, teachers, PE and in our case, anything that is going on at the school! Communication is very different and you end up having to take a lot more on trust.

Work on the basis that no news is good news They will phone you if there is a problem! Most I’ve seen are zero tolerance on discipline - they have to be with that many kids.

Be prepared for it feeling very different to primary but it’s all part of growing up...

[TheOrchidKiller]

You know that nice warm winter coat you've bought them?

It won't get worn beyond half term.

[NotExactlyHappyToHelp]

Thank you everyone for the good advice. It’s much appreciated.

I’m fully prepared for some of it. I’m an over organiser so he’s got a mini Rymans stashed in his bag and we’ve written down every P.E and IT lesson on the calendar (colour coded obvs) as he has to take a keyboard and a mouse with him so they don’t have to clean the computers.

We’ve had a taste of the dramatics in y6 already that he’s been on the periphery of so I’m pretty hot on social media/messaging.

I am now fully prepared to know absolutely nothing about his day to day stuff and try to make sure he doesn’t eat his own body weight in saturated fats .

[Frosty26827]

Don’t bother buying a coat ..... they’ll never wear it !

[SE13Mummy]

I wish I'd been warned that pretty much every Y7 teacher sets 'make a poster' as the first homework. For science it will be about rules for the lab, food tech will be similar, PE will be something about how to keep healthy... you get the gist. It was tedious, joyless and a huge disappointment to perfectionist DD1 who had been looking forward to 'proper' homework. Each of her wretched, handcrafted posters took a minimum of 2-3 hours because she wanted her new teachers to be pleased.

Make sure you've got felt tips ready and encourage your child to limit the time spent on poster-type homework. It won't matter if you do the colouring in or the bubble writing for them if that's what it takes to get them to bed before midnight and minus tears.

Oh, and being able to rustle up a collection of subject-specific symbols or images with which to decorate an exercise book is a skill worth honing. My advice is to direct your child to keep it simple; Spanish flag for Spanish, French flag for French, bit of local area map for geography, bit of free, downloaded sheet music for music etc etc. You may need to be able to do sticky back plastic. We had to for DD1 four years ago.

[Rockbird]

Oh yes, DD got her arse handed to her by the french teacher because I'd lovingly pasted a photo of the Eiffel Tower on her book and it turns out they were studying Nice or the Dordogne or some such. How the hell were we supposed to know that? So stick to the french flag!

[formerbabe]

It won't matter if you do the colouring in or the bubble writing for them if that's what it takes to get them to bed before midnight and minus tears

. Been there, got the t shirt to prove it!

[Langsdestiny]

God the posters...