Office life- What is your pet hate?

[SuperMeerkat]

Mine has got to be meetings where nothing ever actually gets resolved. Too much time is spent letting everyone have their say and ideas are considered that we then need another meeting to decide on what to do 😡😡 If anyone actually dares to be decisive then everyone looks at them like they’ve just kicked a puppy.

People who slide up to your desk ' are you busy ? '

No I just come to work to hang around and do fuck all !

Being informed by Yvonne that Sandra isn’t available for our meeting that I’ve driven over an hour to because she’s a bit ‘weepy’ today and won’t come out of the toilets.

Followed up with “she’s a little bit psychic and sees things that upset her”...

I'm going to see on our internal email directory whether we have an Yvonne. Then stalk her.

If your name is Yvonne and you work in an office you will be paranoid by now 🤣

Richard.

Smelly people/food
Loud talkers
People who knacker printers and leave them
People who don’t dress for the weather then moan about being too hot/cold
Borrowers
Fridge thieves

You'd love my meetings. We get stuff done. They're acts of collaboration rather than a talking shop.

People who

• adjust my chair
• remove my monitor stand
• move my mouse to the left hand side
• leave their manky coffee cups on my desk

Yvonne.
Christine.
Angie.
Mandy.
Sarah.
Sandra.

The Staff Refreshments Fund.

Why the fuck should I stump up fifty quid a year to buy other people decaffeinated tea, decaffeinated coffee, milk and sugar? I have to bring my own stuff, don't use milk and don't use sugar, so the total cost of me having two cups of hot water a day is about £3.17.

Stinky bananas and skins left on edge of desks

Angela who sits opposite me talks with her mouth open. Who has an opinion on everything. Who thinks her way is the only way even though her views are 30 years out of date. Who thinks just because she didn't go back to work for 6 years after her kids were born (over 30 years ago) that all women should take that amount of time off.

Mary who sits at the side of me who stares at me for long periods of time during the day, if I look up to see the time (the clock is behind her) I catch her starting and she will quickly look back at her screen. I can see her out of side vision that she looks for a while.

People who get paid the same as me but do bare minimum and even then what they do in often inaccurate or takes them 3 times the length of time it does someone else. But no one (management) says anything.

People who jam the shredder and walk away.

Oh forgot about the shredder fuckers never empty it or put paper in the photocopier and look to me cos my desk is closest it's somehow my job to sort it grrrrrr

I work from a main office and have LOADS of external meetings. When I'm out of the office, people using MY DAMN DESK and moving all my shit.
Pieces of sandwich in the keyboard. My photos moved. Drawers opened. Chair adjusted. It's MY office. Use it fine - leave it as you found it pigs.

Team meetings. I see my team. If anything dramatic happens we hear about it. I have enough to do.

Endless collections. For people I've never heard of. Every week, if not twice. Do I be the "tight" person and refuse or pay in every single time. So and so is retiring. It's so and so's birthday.

I do love however, when people cancel meetings. Especially last minute.

Fucking cake sales. Cake every day. Cake all day long. Please stop.

People who are unable to do the basics. When the phone rings and I'm not at my desk, just fucking answer it!
My phone will ring twice first, then everyone's phone will ring, (because I have the best phone voice apparently) but rather than just answering, they all stare at it like it's going to bite them.
Same with the door. If the postman comes or there is a delivery and they happen to answer the door, they'll freeze, come back to the office to get me to go get it from the delivery/postman because "they don't know where it goes"

People who can't just pour the undrunk coffee away at the end of the day and would rather leave it until morning.
People who, when you ask them to do anything slightly out of the ordinary, waft around like a fart in a hurricane.

Just people really....

I think I might be Yvonne ... I eat incessantly, always want air con on and have the window open every day. It's bloody stuffy in here people, how are you not falling asleep ??

(Have my own office so know I'm not her though!)

The new boss who doesn't know what she's doing, won't admit she doesn't know & ask for help, and keeps harking back to what was routine in her previous position (not relevant to this smaller dept 🙄).

Insane office speak used without any irony at all. I've just left a job where my manager described a meeting as being about 'high level intel'. Did I work for MI6 I hear you ask?
No I did not. Domiciliary care provider. The meeting was to ask everyone if they were available to provide unpaid on call cover over the weekend. It was hardly a state secret. Especially as everyone obviously said no-which was no surprise.
The sheer wankiness if it though! It made me want to die.
The woman was always offering 'help and support' . 'Do you need help and support?' 'Well I've clearly helped and supported you with that' Jesus, STOP saying that .

Reading through these reminds me how much I love our ‘no eating at your desk’ Rule even though I hated it when it came in. And also that I work in a male dominated company.

@Biancadelrioisback I get you with the answering the phone. Everyone in our office is on the group hunt and they all ignore it because ‘they don’t know what to do’. Really, you don’t know how to answer the phone?

Janet, who’s new and spends 15 minutes locked in the single toilet on our floor ‘painting her face’ every morning, so the other 15 people have to run down 2 flights of stairs to pee.

Meetings where the boss types up notes frantically as he goes, then sends it as minutes so could have just done an email, couldn’t you Martin, he? We were all mid doing something else when he insisted on having this ‘essential’ meeting.

Fucking instant messanger.
There I am busy on a report and some fucktard sends ME an instant message about something that they could send to any of the others in my team. Or, just maybe they could get off their arse and come over then one of us who isn't as busy (which could be me at another time) can deal with it.
Unfortunately we have to be signed in. Though I admit I dont sign in until the boss comes to work, but I have been picked up on it before.

Yvonne* and her breathing. I sit next to her and she always sounds like she has a cold with her deep breaths.
*not the real name, but this thread is very Yvonne filled

BTW I can be a toilet ghost, but that's usually cos I have 5 mins left of my lunch and pop to the loo, but fanny about on my phone for a bit too. I assumed others were the same, just people on their phones.

Two words:

Reply all.

The man that paces the office loudly discussing confidential cases on his work mobile, he comes down the computer rows and in staff room. He then debriefs his team so we can hear the same bloody conversation from both sides.

Also the lady who doesn't like the lights being on so our quarter of the office is always in darkness during the winter.

People who think the printer never needs topping up with paper 😬

IfWishesWereFishes My boss bought all of us a guitar each so we could learn how to play together to encourage a growth mindset. The practice sessions are on Tuesdays. I work from home on Tuesdays now.

You are my hero.

I am LOVING the guitar group growth mindset because it hasn't happened to me

I've previously worked in a huge open-plan floor of hundreds, and came near to throttling Dominic with his own hilarious ties because he came over to our area every single sodding day to yell into his phone "because it was quieter". Until you got here mate, yes it was.

Also, glass dividing walls in offices. I keep walking into them like I'm auditioning for You've Been Framed.