Office life- What is your pet hate?

[SuperMeerkat]

Mine has got to be meetings where nothing ever actually gets resolved. Too much time is spent letting everyone have their say and ideas are considered that we then need another meeting to decide on what to do 😡😡 If anyone actually dares to be decisive then everyone looks at them like they’ve just kicked a puppy.

[xraytangocharlie]

Staple removers that don't work properly and break the staple halfway-out so you have to use your thumbnail instead (and break that as well).

Air conditioning. Full stop.

Customers who lie to me when I phone them up to ask why they haven't paid their invoices. I know you are lying, I've heard it all before and I didn't come down in the last shower.

[NightsOfCabiria]

Sighing in recognition at so many of these - the fish eaters and feeders especially.

I’d like to add my own:

Dave who hovers at your desk until you’re forced to ask if he wants something. He then swoops in and asks you to help him do something thats slightly outside his remit despite the fact that he’s more than capable - just lazy and a clock watcher.

Dora, who earwigs on everyone’s private conversations and then swoops in and gives her two penneth worth even when its nothing to do with her.

Gemma, who sighs loudly whenever she’s asked to do something or the phone goes or someone rings the buzzer at Reception, despite this being her job, she always looks around to see if someone else can do it. She spends far too much time texting her friends and picking her nail polish off her nails.

I do like them all though

[MitziK]

There's the office police officer -

The one who tells your boss that you were seen wearing inappropriate footwear and how terrible it is, when you were literally walking out of the door at the end of the day, having changed into the entirely appropriate footwear for walking home/navigating public transport in the rain. Or that your cardigan was 'unprofessional' when your desk is directly facing the automatic doors and you are freezing your fucking arse off all day whilst they sit in a fully heated, doubleglazed office with the heating up so high that they can indeed spend their entire day wearing a thin blouse, skirt and three inch high heels. The same person will make comments that you were 'late back from lunch', forgetting that a) you are usually in work 30 minutes early, b) have stayed late two nights in a row and c) that you didn't leave for lunch until 20 minutes ago because of work that was 'absolutely urgent and must be done before you take your break', so you weren't late back, you were early.


There's the office heart and soul -

She is kind to everybody - never, ever says no, will work hours of unpaid overtime to make people happy, never expects anything of anybody, which then means that other people assume you have a similar lack of boundaries and try to take the piss. She's also absolutely terrified of anybody being cross with her - the office police officer has probably entertained themselves by torturing her for years and she's become so institutionalised by it that she's paralysed by the idea of anybody Making a Decision, much less a (gasp) change. You feel like a terrible human being because she's so lovely, but seriously, when she panics because you've found it's quicker to use the automatic stapler on the printer, but the staples come out at an angle instead of straight and insists upon reprinting everything and sitting there until the caretaker kicks everybody offsite at 7pm stapling things by hand, you really want to shout at her NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE ANGLE OF THE STAPLES ELIZABETH.


The Sociopathic High Flier. Identifiable by their charming little laugh, the tilt of their head and the smile that cannot get above their nose. They will hurt you, they will gaslight everybody, everything you do for them is likely to be wrong, they will be the Only Person Capable of Doing Anything In This Place and whilst they'll sing your praises in front of you, they'll be rather fond of the behind closed doors threats or general criticism and backstabbing when you're not in the room. The usual explanation for making you redo hours of work in a slightly different shade of black or take all the promotional materials down and trim exactly 1mm off the edges of all of them before putting them straight back again is 'Oh, you know me and my OCD!'.


Or it's middle management. All so terrified of being held responsible for something that they will do anything to avoid actually Making a Final Decision. You get told to do one thing by one person, somebody else comes along and directly countermands it, then somebody else comes along and tells you to do the first thing, then when you say of course you will, #1 had told you to do that, but #2 said not to, so you aren't entirely sure, the fear in their eyes appears and they tell you to go in search of #1 to get it confirmed, just as #2 comes along and wants to know why you haven't done it and #4 comes along to ask why it's not been done in the way it's always been done - in the end, you leave them arguing amongst themselves and do it your way instead.

[NightsOfCabiria]

@Schwibble I have a ‘pryer’ too. She always asks me whats wrong with people when they're off ill (they report to me). She’s a massive over-sharer too.

[Wheat2Harvest]

People who bring their dogs in 'just this once' and then end up bringing them more often. I get that some offices are 'doggy' but this isn't acceptable in offices that aren't.

[NightsOfCabiria]

Oh I love it when people bring their dogs in, it’s the children bringers I don't like, as theyre so disruptive. At least the dogs just lie under the desk.

[helacells]

Meetings of any kind, smelly colleagues, attending conferences, gossip, having to make small talk, managing people, staff collections (although that doesn't happen since I moved to US)

[LolaSmiles]

People who sit in the staff room during PPA time and socialise. It's a work space and whilst silence isn't essential, I don't want to hear about your child's splinter or aunty's bunions or the politics of the local dance school.

I have broken one of the rules on here though. I have to cc one of my colleagues into things because otherwise despite being told in person things, they seem to magically claim they've never been told about anything and usually try to claim they had no idea about the deadline or requirement. With that person everything goes in an email. It's a PITA but necessary.

[MitziK]

I nearly forgot - Photocopier Destroyers.

They barge in, override your existing print run of eleventy billion booklets that must be done today, their copying promptly causes the machine to jam in ten different, equally inaccessible and toner covered places, open and slam three covers so hard that the incredibly fragile and hideously expensive tab that the machine depends upon to think it's functioning is likely to break, rip out half a sheet and then walk off with it beeping its fucking head off, leaving you to sort it out and restart your massive print run because they've either managed to delete it or the purple cardboard they've shoved in the main tray and left in there is now screwing your stuff up completely.

There must be a special place in Hades for those people.

[waitingformyturn]

Putting the phone on speaker when they're on hold

Leaving washing up next to the sink when there's a dish washer

Using the last of something be it printer paper/toilet roll/milk/tea/coffee and not replacing

The above is equal to those who jam the printer and then just walk off 😂

Passing the buck when making the final decision as they don't want it on them when shit hits the fan.

The list is endless...

[ForalltheSaints]

Lateness for meetings or calls.

[Worrier167]

People who eat cereal in the office. I just hate the noise so so so much.

I actually don't mind being cc'ed on emails...I am nosey and like to know what is going on!

[BeBraveAndBeKind]

People who go past each other by my desk and stand there having a 25 minute chat about their weekends, kids, hobbies etc rather than going back to their own desks or out of the office altogether to have this chat.

People who don't use their indoor voices and so you can hear them telling the same story multiple times to all and sundry.

[Youngatheart00]

Oooh just reading these has made me irritated as my office has so many. A few;

• People who have their mobiles (work or personal) on FULL VOLUME and are away from their desk for hours on end. A special mention to the twats who set their voicemail to call them over and over and over rather than just SENDING A BLOODY TEXT.
  

POINTLESS meetings and POINTLESS process. So many of them. And the only reason people can give is “it’s always been done that way”

The Office Martyr who is seen as a ‘nice guy’ but is in fact extremely pass-agg and a complete brown-nose to middle management, working ‘head in hands’ every hour god sends and making a fuss about nothing. All whilst delivering precisely zero more work or value add than the rest of his colleagues who work reasonable hours.

Stinky lunch, and stinky breath. GET AWAY

[Youngatheart00]

I’ve thought of another. People who bring their babies into the office and massively overstay their welcome. Baby is screaming, no one but no one can think, mother refuses to take child out. There’s normally one cooing Sandra. I’m all for keeping in touch and I suppose some people might be interested in their colleague’s new offspring but FFS, give it 20 mins and then go to Pret.

[RosieposiePuddingandPi]

Does my boss count?!

Endless emails back an forth about minor details that would be much simpler discussed over the phone.
People calling to say they've sent me an email.
Endless brown-nosing!!

The toilet outside my door. It's literally just over the corridor about 2 metres from my desk so I keep the office door closed so I don't have to hear it.
One filthy mare in my office opens the main door every morning and leaves it open, goes for a massive noisy dump and leaves it floating in the toilet. Every day. Just flush it Sally!!

[LumpyPillow]

That Yvonne description was VIVID. Made me really laugh.

Nosy screen lurkers - approaches to 'chat' to you but their eye contact is made solely with the contents of your screen, brazen ones will comment on whatever it may be, private or not. Its so rude, you could be typing a private or sensitive email. I LOATHE these fuckers.

Psycho control freak cunts - want to cause hell over the prettiest, inconsequential shit: will complain directly to a manager if cleaner forgets to close a blind or empty a bin once in a blue moon. Makes notes on what time everyone arrives and leaves. collects milk bottle tops and used stamps with ferocious passion for charity - leaves threatening posters in the kitchen if you move or put milk bottle tops in the bin instead of their collection pot.

Martyr madam - needs to be needed - comes in early at the crack of dawn to open up, doesn't need to and nobody asks them to - complains every day that nobody says thank you, sometimes cries about it, refuses to stop. Fetches office food and drink supplies, gets raging angry about it, refuses to stop being the slave and let everyone fend for themselves though. Buys colleagues they barely know Christmas/birthday presents and goes on silent treatment when no one buys them one back.

[Babyroobs]

My colleagues jabbering away loudly in a different language whilst I'm trying to deal with a phone call and same colleague who drones on for hours about nothing or about how busy she is yet never actually gets on with the job.

[onemorecakeplease]

Smelly food
Smelly people
Bad breath

Basically smells....

[3luckystars]

Yvonne too.

[IfWishesWereFishes]

My boss bought all of us a guitar each so we could learn how to play together to encourage a growth mindset.

The practice sessions are on Tuesdays.

I work from home on Tuesdays now.

[VictoriaBun]

The fridge, always disgusting .
Birthdays, Christmas , New babies , hate putting my salary in the shitty envelope that's always going around. Oh yes , and Red nose day , Children in need , Comic relief and all !

[SeaViewBliss]

My colleague who always arrives 5 minutes after the start of a meeting having not read the agenda or any of the prep then comes out of every meeting complaining that she didn’t know what anyone was talking about.

These are good meetings too, short, decisive and productive!

[VictoriaSpongeBob]

Pointless jargon and buzz words. Just speak plain English!

[WellTidy]

People who leave their desks for long periods of time, but leave their phone behind. Which vibrates and rings, very loudly, when someone calls multiple times. Happens daily.

Women who do their make up for ages in the loo of a morning. I don’t want to know that you’ve heard me in the loo. I know that you would say that it doesn’t bother you but it bothers me. And it’s not like I have any choice if I need to go and you’re doing full make up for 15 minutes.

People who insist on interrupting as they’ve decided that what they want to talk to you about is infinitely more important than whatever it is that you’re concentrating on.