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I have no friends and it's lonely

69 replies

MangoSpice · 21/07/2019 16:00

Just as my title reads really. I'm in my 40's and while I have lots and lots of acquaintances and colleagues I just don't have any friends. No one to ring to meet up for a coffee or to visit.

It's incredibly lonely and has been brought home as my DH and DC are away this week and I'm home alone. I work term time only and haven't heard from a soul since school stopped at the end of last month.

I do have hobbies and have lots of acquaintances through these but while we chat and laugh together no real friendships have resulted.

I'm just venting (for lack of a better word) really but I am bored and lonely.

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thrumylookingglass · 21/07/2019 22:59

@MangoSpice just really happy you enjoyed my home county ...and you come back again Smile

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MangoSpice · 21/07/2019 23:19

Oh we'll be back next year! Planning to rent a cottage/house and do more exploring and just soak up the atmosphere. I really fell in love with the place. You are lucky to live there!

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Miljah · 21/07/2019 23:33

This is off topic, but an issue I don't feel is being recognised: that weird, long, non predictable shifts disconnect people.

Recall all of the selfies when Jeremy (C)Hunt as Health Minster, declared we all now work in a 24/7 economy, thus so should everyone in the NHS, whether there was a need, or not - selfies of HCPs on 7.30am empty tube trains, Saturday and Sunday.

I have friends- but, in reality, I see some once every year, and even my work mate friends, we catch up once every two months (I always organise it...)- but we don't know the minutiae of each other's lives at all, not like in my 20s when we were forensically involved with each other.

It's a bit sad.

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gingersausage · 21/07/2019 23:54

I don’t have any friends, and since I became too disabled to work no colleagues either. My family live at the other end of the country and we aren’t particularly close anyway so it’s really just me and DH.

In a funny way, I’m actually glad I’m agoraphobic as it means I don’t want to go out anyway 😂. It’s lonely sometimes not having someone to phone for a natter or to come round for coffee and a gossip though.

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notmylittleangel · 21/07/2019 23:55

Can I join This lonely band please.
I had one friend that I could call up and talk to whenever about whatever, then found out she had an affair with my husband.
I had trust issues with women before that so you can imagine how I am now.

I have acquaintances, some of whom I would say are friends in that we go away together etc but They don't call me and I don't have the confidence to call them. Only two know what happened with my husband and XBF so that adds a layer too.

I feel like I'm tolerated, that others communicate with each other more and more easily.
I feel like I don't want to go out to events or see people. I worry that nobody really likes me.
I had a major op this month and nobody seems to care enough to call.

I feel pathetic but I just don't know how to break that barrier down.
I always seem to be in a situation where I think - yes that's a good friend but then get the impression that actually I'm an acquaintance to them and they happily call and meet up

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Theworldcouldbemymollusc · 22/07/2019 00:00

I’m So lonely right now. Left my stbxh a few weeks ago and have moved slightly out of area. Feel like I see no one and if I keeled over I might not be found for days unless a teenager tried to come and find food. Not sure how to make friends anymore as 13 years of marriage to an abusive/controlling man has left me very isolated and broken.

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foxyknoxy30 · 22/07/2019 07:28

I have friends but often feel like the meh friend in fact there was a thread about this a few weeks ago ,I go out but it's usually me that organises it and I often wonder if I didn't would anyone care?I come from a small family made even smaller by the fact I recently lost my mum and my dad in a care home. I envy my friends who are very close with sisters and think if I had one I would never feel lonely. I am the same in my 40's and would just like someone on my wave length that I could contact at any time and vice versa and wouldn't feel the loneliness that I sometimes do.What doesn't help is my husband works long hours and doesn't really make any effort to see any friends so I don't even have a lot of friends through him,it's sometimes hard so I understand it.

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whateverheather · 22/07/2019 08:28

foxy

My sis is 4 yrs younger and is like my bestie but I still get lonely and want other friends. It's good to have a few different people around. I lack friends too and after years of trying and also trying internet mum friendship sites nothing works. I seem to have acquaintances only

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MangoSpice · 22/07/2019 08:48

Having no friends is incredibly isolating. How many of us would happily go to a restaurant or bar or wherever alone? I have done the restaurant thing and took a book and it was okay but it wasn't the same as having fun company.

I might consider the cinema alone but haven't done it yet, especially if it's a film DH doesn't want to see.

Today I have some jobs to do and I've promised myself I will go out a walk later (as long as it's not raining). Hope you all have a good day!

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happypotamus · 22/07/2019 09:02

mangospice you have only 3 weeks until school goes back? Today is the first day of my DC's holiday! Another reason to wish I had friends - maybe I would have friends with kids and we could meet up in the holiday and our kids would entertain each other, but it might involve them coming to my house and that won't work because my house is a shit tip.

And, yes, Miljah, I absolutely agree with your point about long, random, unpredictable shifts. I can't make plans to meet up with anyone even if there was anyone to meet up with, because I know when I am working for the next few weeks (though it might have to change at short notice), then I could request a specific day off in October if I do it by the end of this week, but otherwise I have no idea when I would be working.

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CheesecakeAddict · 22/07/2019 09:05

I'm with you. I've only got dd and as much as I love her, spending my life reading the gruffalo fifty million times a day is boring. I just want some adult conversation or some time out. But I have no friends to do that and as a single mum, no opportunity to meet new people

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oldrosie · 22/07/2019 09:14

Hi @MangoSpice thanks for writing this. Its good to know i'm not the only one too. I also struggle to cement friendships. I live in Lancaster in the north of England and people there just aren't warm and open like in London or in Newcastle (where i am from). I split up from my partner last year and he is from here everyone i knew was through our relationship. I have a new partner now who is like a million friends in one but no girl friends and men tend to stay away which is a shame because i tend to get on with men. I don't know what i'm doing wrong or if people just don't like me. Loneliness is hard. I hope we all find joy in our own company soon and stop comparing ourselves to others. Love to all.

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bonitakitlee · 22/07/2019 09:49

I would be so happy to chat to anyone on PM if you are feeling lonely, I have bad anxiety so I know how that can affect your life. I live in a rural area and it is difficult to find anyone to spend time with.

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thrumylookingglass · 22/07/2019 09:58

I’m totally comfortable with going to restaurants, cinemas, holidays etc on my own, but it’s just not as much fun! I also think I have a resting bitch face which makes me look unapproachable Grin.

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Rubes321 · 22/07/2019 10:17

Another one here without many friends... those I do have live hours away and I see them maybe once or twice a year. Envious of DH as he is off out with his friends this weekend and I’d love to have friends close by that I could arrange to go for a coffee with or bite to eat. Like others on here, I have plenty of acquaintances - but not friends.

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MangoSpice · 22/07/2019 10:38

@happypotamus I'm in Scotland, we finished up at the end of June.

@bonitakitlee I'm very rural too although in a town of around 5000 people.

I'm busy sorting out my house but my dog is going along behind me shedding hair everywhere Grin.

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bonitakitlee · 22/07/2019 10:47

Mango spice I think the village is around 500 people all spread out over a large area, nearest town is 7 miles with around 2000 people. My dh loves it, and I did at first, but now I'm struggling badly with the loneliness and couldn't afford to move again as we only run a small business from home.

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MangoSpice · 22/07/2019 10:56

Bonita there's similar villages around me. We've talked about loving to one of them but haven't done it yet. I don't know whether I might be further isolating myself if we did.

I find I feel better when the sun is shining but needless to say it's very grey here today. Sometimes I'd gladly move to Spain or something just for the weather! It's not like I've friends that would miss me Blush. Sadly DH and the DC veto this idea.

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MangoSpice · 22/07/2019 10:57

Loving = moving

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ElizabethBennetismybestfriend · 22/07/2019 11:05

Me too. DD about to go to university so life is going to get very lonely. I work from home too so no work colleagues. I have DH and a DS who is grown up and lives away but no one to meet for coffee and a catch up.

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YetAgainNameChanged · 22/07/2019 11:05

@mangoSpice I could have written that OP myself. Have moved around too much, from one end of the country to the other, with several moves in between. Met lots of people but not kept in touch. Its really difficult.

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Slaymill · 22/07/2019 11:21

I'm in Shropshire since I moved up from London. I haven't made any friends I'm quite chit chatty and even when my son was at nursery/school the mothers would actually sit in silence waiting for the collecting time or were not over friendly.

I'd love someone to meet up with for tea and cakes and days out with my DS. My partner is often away and I live in tiny village so I'm stuck. I love Scotland OP shame I'm not nearer.

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bonitakitlee · 22/07/2019 11:28

I'm in Wales, people are friendly and I can drop in for coffee, but they have their own very busy lives, and I haven't formed strong friendships. I dont have family as my family has been destroyed beyond repair and that will always be my source of loneliness.

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MangoSpice · 22/07/2019 11:41

Going by this small thread it looks like being friendless isn't all that unusual. The 'friend' who was my bridesmaid basically cut me off when we moved here from the city. I tried keeping in touch but she's very much a city mouse and has loads of friends. Ironically she says her friends are really important to her but I've given up always being the one to initiate contact. We're now at the point of Facebook likes only which is sad.

I'm about to start redesigning my second sons bedroom which will stop me wallowing and keep me out of mischief.

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theemmadilemma · 22/07/2019 12:32

Can I suggest looking at some local FB groups?

I help Admin a local one for anxiety and we're now starting to work towards all meeting up and getting us out and about.

And while right now some are only 'online' friendships, and I can see many of them now turning into real life ones.

Local groups etc.?

Is that you feel you are only making acquaintances and not real friends when you venture to your hobbies?

My Partner moved many miles away from friends and family and he's slowly managed to build up a great number friends here. Far more than me.

But I'm quite an introvert. It doesn't sound like you're anxious about going out?

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