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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Have I been reading these boards too long?!

62 replies

aliasjoey · 09/07/2017 22:14

I've always been a feminist, but since discovering Mumsnet I've learnt so much, every day is a new education. But now I'm seeing male privilege everywhere, even in really innocent things!

Today I was listening to the radio, it was Phil Collins singing Against All Odds. And suddenly I thought hang on, why does she 'need' to listen to what you want to say? Maybe she's had enough of you droning on about what YOU want all the time? And "turn around and see my face" ? Er, no love just keep walking.

Then I picked up a book (don't remember the title) and the blurb on the back was something like "Bob has got Millicent locked up in a cell... but Millicent has a secret of her own. Why is she really there?" and I immediately thought well that's just victim blaming!

Not sure whether I'm imagining it... or just noticing for the first time. But it's taken years to see these things, I guess for men or anyone who isn't interested they would never even realise .

Sorry, I'm babbling.

OP posts:

Report

DJBaggySmalls · 09/07/2017 22:16

Once you wake up, there's no going back...

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/07/2017 22:17

I've just read a thread where a bloke has acted like a cockwomble towards a woman, and the other women seem to be blaming her. It gave me the rage, and I feels your pain

Miffer · 09/07/2017 22:28

Your mistake was not turning Phil Collins off immediately.

aliasjoey · 09/07/2017 22:32

But if a middle aged feminist has only just started really noticing, (unless I've been pretty thick) what hope is there for the average bloke?

OP posts:

Miffer · 09/07/2017 22:34

I've just read a thread where a bloke has acted like a cockwomble towards a woman

Was it brushing-teeth man?

ICJump · 09/07/2017 22:37

Since reading lots on here I've noticed my tastes have changed. Like I used to love law and order SVU and now I just see it as soft torture porn.

bigkidsdidit · 09/07/2017 22:40

Yeah, once you've seen it you can't unsee. I can't watch any comedy shows / panel shows any more as the token woman pisses me off so much. That's most of the BBC's output out of bounds then

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/07/2017 22:46

No Miffer, but I have pm'd you, so this doesn't become a TAAT...

SweetGrapes · 09/07/2017 22:50

Yes! I listen to 'I'm only human' by rag and bone man - lovely song, lovely voice - but all I can think of is - hmmm.... is that a rape apologist anthem?
Does a woman ever get to say 'I'm only human - don't put your blame on me'?
Nope!

ValerieTheHorse · 09/07/2017 23:04

I'm glad it's not just me!

MumBod · 09/07/2017 23:09

It's everywhere. Totally grim.

aliasjoey · 09/07/2017 23:10

Oh no I love Rag and Bone Man - don't tell me that's dodgy too?!

OP posts:

phoolani · 09/07/2017 23:12

I can't watch a film, read a book, overhear a conversation, watch my kids interact with others.....without the constant rad Fem buzz going on in my head. It's relentless.
I wouldn't go back, though.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/07/2017 23:12

I didn't necessarily think it was about rape, but the whole 'I'm only human, don't blame me' thing had me

Cuckingfunt1981 · 09/07/2017 23:12

Love Phil Collins

lazybabyirl · 09/07/2017 23:15

It's ruining and enlightening my life at the same time. See patriarchy and misogyny everywhere and I get so CROSS... my poor hubby bears the brunt!! However feel so much more powerful in the knowledge and I starving for more, so more power to us women!!

KanyesLunchbox · 09/07/2017 23:27

I spent most of the day with in laws. They are lovely people. We went to a small zoo (my opinion on zoos was put on ice for the sake of family harmony). They referred to every single animal as male (lots of birds and reptiles so no obvious cues). Even dd, who due to my relentlessness refers to ambiguous creatures as female, started to revert to male pronouns. I sighed deeply and will begin again tomorrow.

lazybabyirl describes my experience perfectly.

LockedOutOfMN · 09/07/2017 23:32

I'm the same...I see it everywhere and hold my head in my hands. So many things make me uncomfortable or I just can't enjoy then anymore, like panel shows and sit"com"s, for example. But I wouldn't go back. Thank you to everyone on MN who has helped me wake up to this.

morningrunner · 10/07/2017 07:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Collidascope · 10/07/2017 07:37

I saw an advert for the channel 4 drama Merciless. It's Brazilian so had an English bloke describing what it was about -a serial killer of young women, who starts playing a "dangerous, sexy" game with the female detective investigating his crimes. Partner -who is pretty clued up on feminism -knows I like crime dramas and asked if we should watch it. I just felt revolted by the idea that this serial killer was 'sexy', that young women being killed was implied to be kinda hot, and that I could get off on it. Bleugh.

Also reading a book yesterday where peacocks were mentioned, and then suddenly a peahen was referenced. I hadn't even considered that cock being male obviously meant that these birds were referred to by default as the male.

BertieBotts · 10/07/2017 07:39

Yep. It's like seeing the world through different eyes.

It gets frustrating/depressing sometimes when you're just trying to relax and enjoy some bit of popular culture to have to spot all the sexism in it but you can't unsee it once it's there.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 10/07/2017 07:55

Kids TV is often awful. My kids are watching some new Netflix thing based around Cirque du Soleil (!?!?) and it's basically all about the female characters emotionally supporting the male ones. Every episode I've overheard so far had one of the male characters getting miffed about something, and the female characters apologising for being thoughtless and falling over themselves to do wifework for them.

And don't even get me started on Mike the Knight.

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SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 10/07/2017 07:58

Also reading a book yesterday where peacocks were mentioned, and then suddenly a peahen was referenced. I hadn't even considered that cock being male obviously meant that these birds were referred to by default as the male.

Well that one's going to be because when you think peacock, what you're thinking of is the cock - a peahen doesn't have the fancy tail or bright blue plumage - it's just a giant brown bird. - that one at least makes sense.

FeetFeelFoul · 10/07/2017 07:58

I was horrified by the ending of My Fair Lady after not seeing it for years.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 10/07/2017 07:59

Having googled it though - peafowl is apparently the term for both of them. I have never heard that word before, and will see if I can work it into conversation!

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