AIBU about changing my title with my bank?

[gallicgirl]

My work colleagues seem to think I am and I'm willing to admit that I might be over-dramatising a bit but it's peeing me off.

I got married a few weeks back and I've kept my name. I've not bothered to notify any institutions other than changing my title at work from Miss to Mrs, mostly because being called Miss annoyed me a bit.
Anyway, I noticed my debit card on our joint account expires shortly so I phoned up to ask if I can have my title changed from Miss to Mrs on the card. I don't recall asking for Miss, DH filled in the application, I suspect he asked me what I preferred and I probably shrugged and said I didn't care.

So I pass security questions on phone banking only to be told a change of title constitutes a change of name and I need to fill in a form. I gently remonstrate with the chap on the phone but don't make a big fuss because I create enough bureaucracy at work and he's just doing his job. It turns out not only do I have to sign a form but I also have to provide proof of said name change. Seems bloody ridiculous to have to provide an original marriage certificate to change my title when I am entitled to use whatever the hell title I like.
I feel like telling them I want no title and see what kind of proof they require of that! Is it me or does this seem ridiculous?
Men get a default MR but women have to jump through hoops to justify how they want to be identified.

[Imnotaslimjim]

I'm sorry but I don't see how popping to the bank with your marriage cert is "jumping through hoops". When I did it after I got married it took 10 minutes. Is it really such a big deal? Men get Mr automatically but if they become a Dr they have to prove it to change their name, same as a woman should. My SIL and her husband have both done just that, they graduated the same year and share a bank account. Had to show their cert from Uni to request the name change.

[gallicgirl]

It's awkward to organise but not impossible.

Interesting about the doctorate. I just don't see it as a name change. I don't consistently use the same title cos it's not important/anyone else's business.

[PurpleDaisies]

Men get Mr automatically but if they become a Dr they have to prove it to change their name, same as a woman should.

That depends on the bank-I never had to show my degree certificates to change mine to Dr.

I think I did have to show our marriage certificate but I changed my name as well as title (my old surname was daft). It's annoying and smacks of "computer says no" but I guess they have to be consistent with all customers.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I don't understand why you want to add Mrs.

I can understand why Miss X changes to Mrs Y (actually I don't but that is just me) and I definitely understand why Miss X or Ms X stays as she is when she gets married.

But why Miss or Ms X wants to be Mrs X , sorry no. Why do you think it's important to tell everyone you are a "Mrs"?

[icklekid]

I guess its odd because only works for Mrs as you could become Ms without any paperwork. I understand why if changing surname as cards can be ID (rarely) but title does seem extreme. I guess if it matters to you bring in wedding cert if not leave it- I refused to send mine to paypal so thats still in my maiden name!

[VestalVirgin]

Men get Mr automatically but if they become a Dr they have to prove it to change their name, same as a woman should.

Funny that you mention that - getting married seems to be treated as an achievement for women, like getting a doctorate. And let's be honest, that is ridiculous.

I wouldn't change to Mrs, as that would be playing the stupid game. I would change to Ms.

Am so glad I am German, we got rid of this humiliating "Fraulein" nonsense years ago; admittedly was easier because it is obviously a diminutive of "Frau", so clear which title was preferable.

(What is Mrs short for, actually? And what is Ms supposed to be the short form of?)

[reallyanotherone]

My bank don't use titles any more. All my cards etc are initial surname.

My current issue is with airlines- you only get mr, mrs or miss. Apparently they need to be able to identify sex in order to distribute weight correctly on the plane bollocks I am dr, so none of those titles are correct.

[AyeAmarok]

You should probably change it to Ms.

[BertrandRussell]

Only took 4 posts to get to a special "daft" women's last name. I think this might be a record!

[SenecaFalls]

I don't understand why you want to add Mrs.

I agree. I don't see the point in using Mrs with your birth name. Why should women change their title when they marry, but men don't? I have been Ms all my adult life with my birth name, before and after marriage.

[faceymcfuckface]

Bert - thinking same thing!

[PurpleDaisies]

Bertrand my old surname gave me a really inappropriate name as a doctor. I'd have thought about changing it by deed poll if I hadn't been getting married two months after qualifying.

[Lorelei76]

it's possibly a relic of some stupid system which required women to show if they had got married?

I don't know why everyone isn't just Ms anyway.

[almondpudding]

The bank is wrong.

Mrs is not a legal title. Anyone can call themselves Mrs. You don't need a marriage certificate.

You do need to fill in a form at the bank though.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

(What is Mrs short for, actually? And what is Ms supposed to be the short form of?)

"Mistress" not in the sexual sense but as the female head of a household.
A "Mistress" could be an unmarried woman.

There was a thread a while back where an unmarried poster was determined she wanted to use "Mrs" as according to her "Mrs " doesn't show your marital status; which is correct had she been living anytime before the 20th century.

"Ms "either nothing or same as above.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

You need to fill in a form at any bank to change your title/name/address/literally any information. For audit purposes, those changes will almost always require a proof of your name. For changing to "Mrs", the most commonly-used format is a marriage certificate, but if you have any other official documents where you are addressed as "Mrs", they should be able to use those too.

They're not being deliberately difficult. There's so many laws and regulations to abide by when you work in these places, set by so many different regulatory bodies it's hard to keep track, but the amount of form-filling and ID required is not just a power-trip by the cashier or them making some kind of sexist statement.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

it's possibly a relic of some stupid system which required women to show if they had got married?

Prior to the enactment of the various Married Women's Property Acts there might have been but as Almond said "Mrs" has no legal standing at all.

[almondpudding]

'If you want to change your title to Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms, or Mx you simply need to inform organisations about your new title. Anyone can use these titles (provided it is not for some fraudulent purpose) and you don’t need to show any kind of evidence that you are using it.

This​‌‌‌​‌‌ ​‌‌‌​‌​is​‌‌‌​‌​ ​‌‌‌​‌‌because​‌​‌‌‌‌ ​‌‌​​​​social​‌‌​​‌‌ ​‌‌​​‌‌titles​‌‌​​​​ ​‌‌‌​​‌are​‌‌‌​​‌ ​‌‌​‌‌​not​‌‌‌‌​​ ​‌‌‌​‌​legally​‌‌​​‌‌ ​‌​‌​‌‌considered​‌‌‌​‌‌ ​‌​‌​‌​part​‌‌​‌​​ ​​​‌‌‌of​​‌‌‌​ ​​‌‌​‌your​​‌​​‌ ​​​‌‌​name​​‌​​‌,​​‌​​​ and they are not used for identity purposes, so the recognition of your title is just a matter of courtesy.'

This is from the Government's page on changing your title. You do not need any evidence at all.

[VestalVirgin]

"Mistress" not in the sexual sense but as the female head of a household.

Well, in that case, all women should be Mrs by default, shouldn't they?

(Though I must say, it is rather interesting that the title, written out, means a, how do you call it? "kept woman". And that I actually knew about that meaning, but was not sure about the connection between Mrs and Mistress. And by interesting I mean horrible and depressing.)

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

You need to fill in a form at any bank to change your title/name/address/literally any information

You don't need to do anything to change from Miss to Ms. I have 4 bank accounts, 3 as Ms and one no title, one of which I opened 40 years ago.

I doubt very much I opened it as Ms (rural Scotland in 1976 ? don't think so) yet today the card for it has Ms. At some point I must have asked them to change it. I've never filled in anything for this account beyond opening it.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Well, in that case, all women should be Mrs by default, shouldn't they?

Indeed they should. I suppose all unmarried women in the UK should start using it (I really don't like the sound "missis"ugh).

There truly is no legal impediment to it.

[BertrandRussell]

I find it completely baffling that people say they can't pronounce/don't like the sound of Ms but have no problem at all with Mrs......

[gallicgirl]

Is Mrs short for Mistress? I don't know actually.

Lass, I don't know really, it just recognising the event I suppose. I think DH was a bit narked I didn't take his name but he knows it's my decision.

I think it seems a bit like overkill because I see the title as inconsequential so why provide documents to prove it.

I think I might reconsider and go down the 'no title' route!

[Iggi999]

Men get Mr automatically
So, use Ms and avoid all this trouble? (Other than the people who still refuse to call you it, and the ones who think it means you are either a lesbian or divorced of course).

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Mistress / Mrs

Mrs /Miss appeared in the 17th century apparently. I would have guessed later.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mrs.?wprov=sfla1