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AIBU? A step too far?

(55 Posts)
rhardwick945 Fri 12-Jan-18 19:25:58

Hello brides to be. I'm really hoping for an opinion from the other side of the fence... (We married last year)

Anyway, we have a wedding invitation from DHs best friend from school, who he doesn't really see anymore but, he came to our wedding and it's a nice sentiment.

However. There's a few things bugging me.

1. Children definitely not welcome
2. It's a Wednesday
3. It's about 3 hours away

I understand it's your day, but is it ok to be so unaware of your guests needs that they can't see just how difficult this makes attending? We need to take off two days holiday to attend, (they are teachers and it's half term) we need to find baby sitters for two whole days (we've never left our baby overnight before, so I also have that anxiety) if we decide to just do one day, we will have 6 hours driving which is a bit excessive.

Am I over reacting or are they being a bit unreasonable. I understand it's their day and they can do what they want, but the same thread, are they completely unaware that people have children and we cant just leave them in a play pen at home because they're getting married!

OP’s posts: |
Figrollsnotfatrolls Fri 12-Jan-18 19:27:17

Send dh alone?
Not ideal but as you say it's pretty awkward to make arrangements for a mid week do!!

rhardwick945 Fri 12-Jan-18 19:34:35

It's an option certainly, but realistically I doubt he would want to go alone as he doesn't really know many people there :/

OP’s posts: |
SpottyGecko Fri 12-Jan-18 19:37:06

So, instead of having a mid-week, child free wedding in x location that they want, they should instead have a children welcome, Saturday wedding at y location. Because it's better for you?

rhardwick945 Fri 12-Jan-18 20:03:46

Not just me no, any guests in a similar situation. Believe it or not you probably want people to attend your wedding and not be annoyed at how inconvenienced they were to do so for the privilege. I think you've perhaps answered my question whether people consider their guests or not.

OP’s posts: |
randyymarsh Fri 12-Jan-18 20:07:00

I don't think it's unreasonable to have a child free wedding as I wouldn't want kids at mine. A wedding on a Wednesday does seem very odd however. Most people get married on the weekend confused

ReggaetonLente Fri 12-Jan-18 20:09:10

I'm with you OP. We had a Friday wedding, but we did it during half term, invited kids and babies, and chose a venue that was easy to get to and local for most of the guests. At the end of the day you're basically hosting a massive party, and you have a duty to cater for your guests as far as possible IMO.

One of my friends had a Monday wedding in the back end of nowhere last summer. Great day, but she was very (and vocally) upset when people started heading home after dinner. I didn't say anything, but I feel like if you choose to do it on a Monday hundreds of miles from home, you can't expect a packed dance floor and flowing booze - people have work the next day!

greendale17 Fri 12-Jan-18 20:14:52

Wednesday wedding? No thanks

Situp Fri 12-Jan-18 20:19:00

I dont think they abu to arrange this, discounts on midweek weddings can be massive and may be enabling them to invite more people to share the day with them.

I also don't think that it is unreasonable to not have children there. My DD's godmother had a child free wedding because between the 100 guests they had about 30 kids which would have been too much. Just her siblings have 8 children between them

What is important is that you shouldnt feel obliged to go, it is nice to be invited but if it doesn't suit then don't worry about it.

SpottyGecko Fri 12-Jan-18 20:20:51

Exactly situp

A wedding is one day. Maybe they're more bothered about the marriage....rather than guests having to go to work hungover the following day.

rhardwick945 Fri 12-Jan-18 20:21:15

Thanks ladies. I think it's just the combination of all three really. I would like to go but it's just bloody difficult and expensive. Plus as much as I would love a night off from DD, I do have new mum anxiety a little...

OP’s posts: |
blue2014 Fri 12-Jan-18 20:21:16

They've probably done it because they don't want most people to come but feel obliged to ask - loads of people will say no because it's a wed. It's a clever strategy I say grin just say you can't come- they won't care

FuzzyOwl Fri 12-Jan-18 20:30:06

I don’t think they ABU. Presumably they are marrying somewhere that is convenient or means something to them and perhaps weekends were booked up for the foreseeable future. I also think that if you don’t have children, you genuinely have no idea what an ask it can be of some guests to come without their child. Although at our wedding some people declined for their child/ren but came themselves as they felt it would be more enjoyable.

The likelihood is that Wednesday is a much cheaper day to get married and by inviting people who cannot make it, they aren’t causing —too much— offence and will save more money by having fewer guests.

Shoxfordian Sun 14-Jan-18 07:40:17

I don't think they're unreasonable

I wouldn't have children at my wedding either. Wednesday is probably cheaper than a wkend and the venue can't be close for everyone.

Just don't go if its a problem; its an invitation not a command

Leilaniiii Sun 14-Jan-18 07:51:09

Don’t see what’s wrong with a Wednesday, also 3 hours drive isn’t that far, tbh. I think YAB a bit U on those points.

However... child-free weddings... I just don’t get it. Weddings are family celebrations. I can understand a rule like ‘no kids in church during vows’ but as for the rest of the day... it doesn’t make sense and makes it incredibly difficult for parents. So on this point, YANBU. In my view.

StrawberryStar Sun 14-Jan-18 07:56:16

The no kids I get, it’s a different dynamic with kids. I agree on Wednesday weddings tho, we were invited to one and couldn’t get a babysitter (everyone else was in work) so DH couldn’t go. Most people also left early evening coz they had work the next day.

NancyJoan Sun 14-Jan-18 07:56:41

Three hours from you, but presumably not for every single guest.

Don’t go. They will be sorry not to have you there, I’m sure, but a nice card and suggestion of dinner afterwards should cover it.

Bovneydazzlers Sun 14-Jan-18 07:59:17

It’s an invitation not a summons...

Sounds like the sort of friendship where they won’t be hugely offended if you can’t make it.

Notreallyarsed Sun 14-Jan-18 08:01:15

I may be wrong but I read it as child free on a Wednesday is really inconvenient for a lot of people, not that OP was huffing. Child free at the weekend, or with kids on a Wednesday would probably have been easier.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow Sun 14-Jan-18 08:02:11

sounds like an excellent way of being seen to invite everyone they 'should' (they're not your close friends but they were at your wedding, so... you're on that list) but keeping the numbers down to a reasonable level as you're unlikely to accept. Their closest friends and family will be there as they will either also be teachers or are close enough to be willing to take holiday etc. I know all this because it's exactly what I did and worked beautifully. Mid week and fewer guests saved me about 40%. Do them a favour and graciously rsvp your non attendance with your well wishes.

Shadow666 Sun 14-Jan-18 08:05:01

If it’s huge hassle and loads of money then just stick some money in a card for a present and decline. It’s really not worth getting stressed about.

Frouby Sun 14-Jan-18 08:06:44

Traditionally Wednesday was considered the best day to get married on so maybe they are very traditional.

They will expect people not to be able to make it. Just decline and send a card. No drama.

mustresistwine Sun 14-Jan-18 08:08:39

I’m getting married on a Wednesday (in half term grin)

Not having any guests though... just DP, Me & our dc going to a naice holiday cottage & trying the knot midweek whilst we are there

I think YABabitU to expect this couple to plan their day around what you would find easiest but YADNBU to decline the invitation smile

riledandharrassed Sun 14-Jan-18 08:10:31


I won’t be having kids at my wedding sorry

RandomUsernameHere Sun 14-Jan-18 08:10:47

They will be having it on a Wednesday because it's a lot cheaper.
I'm sure your DH will cope with going on his own.

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