x box addiction & cod

[julesg1978]

I have a 13 year old son who is addicted to his xbox and cod.

He constantly wants to be on it and shouts all the time with his mike on. I am now trying to wean him of it easier said than done. He is furious saying its his only enjoyment and goes on for hours on end asking to get it back.

He has no interest in school and is cheeky to his teachers.

I am at my wits end and my relationship is suffering through all the constant hassle in the house.

Can anyone give me some tips on how to help my son and has anyone been through this with there kids or even themselves.

Thanks

[suwoo]

I have a 38 year old husband who is addicted to COD on his PS3.

I fucking hate it and can be of no assistance to you.

[differentID]

The only reasonable solution is to remove it until he knuckles down at school and speaks to you more respectfully.

CoD is an 18 rated game for a reason-

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Who or what is cod

You need to be a bit stricter with him tbh. The reason why he is being cheeky at school and has no interest may well be connected to his excessive game use.

I think it is really not the best idea that kids his age spend so long on games (I have a 14 year old who would spend her entire life on facebook if left to her own devices, so I know how it is).

You need to completely reduce the amount of time he goes on it, and let him have access to it once he has done his chores/homework etc. DD is allowed on the laptop after she has done her homework, and then for a restricted amount of time. I swoitch the broadband off at 7pm weeknights. AT weekends it goes off at 10am. She needs to make sure she does her allocation of jobs before she is allowed on it.

She knows that if she drops sets at school, gets into trouble the laptop is the first thing to go. She was a bit cheeky to me a month back and I took the laptop and mobile away for the weekend. She hated it and it does encourage good behavioru.

[IMoveTheStars]

Why has a 13yo got a cert18 game?

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Is Cod a shoot 'em up game then? 18 cert.

Bollocks to that kind of crap actually. I think games who put you in the POV of a person with a gun killing people are beyond the pale tbh.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

He needs to know that until he bucks up at school the games are off.

He does need to learn that his actions have consequences. So his performance at school needs to get a lot better before he can have his x box back.

[Slambang]

Everybody who says he shouldn't have COD is right of course. I do 100 percent agree honestly.

But ... I am also a 13 year old CoD addict's mum and know excatly how many of ds's mates have CoD and how he would really be socially isolated if he couldn't join in the CoD 'parties' they have. Seriously not one of ds's friends do not have this horrible game and he would genuinely be left out if he didn't. So..

Tips on maximising CoD's positive side :

• set a max time limit a day (e.g. an hour) that he can only use if all other normal tasks are completed properly (homework etc)

• emphasise that it is a reward not a 'right' e.g. only well done homework and chores finished desrves Cod time

• allow ds to 'earn' extra time by doing things you would not normally expect (Our ds does the family ironing and housework). Time spent on housework earns equivalent time on Xbox

• negotiate with reason e.g. if he is nearing the end of an online game it is tough to switch it off just as he is about to win. Instead agree a time when he is switching off and no arguments

• Am I remembering rightly but I think you can 'set' match time lengths? Quite useful if they say 'but can I just finish this...'

• Insist on polite cooperative behaviour or the Xbox controllers are removed after a warning. I'd say a bad report from school would mean instant removal for at least 24 hours until perfect behaviour returns.

• Refuse to join in conversations about how many people they've killed to show that you do not like or approve

Learn to love COD - it's a mum's best friend - the only reward/punishment that they REALLY care about!

[frankenfanny]

I had/still have this with my 14 yr old. All he wants to do is kill zombies, cheek his teachers and be a lazyarse about everything else. I don't like to be a strict parent but I had to be a total bitch about this. FWIW he is much better now than when he was 12/13 about it. At its worst he got it taken off him for a month. He was getting detentions at school, etc and he had to have time to prove his behaviour was better. Then he got it reintroduced at weekends only provided he kept up his grades and joined ONE social activity in or out of school.(Oh and went to bed at a decent hour - he does not have a TV in his room).After a while of good grades, etc he now gets it weekdays provided homework/chores/bedtime adhered to. He knows now we can and will remove it so he accepts the limits put on it. Right now he is trying it on a bit with doing minimal work so he is likely to lose his weekday privilege anytime soon.
Good luck and hang in there.

[farmerjones]

get rid of it.

[Tortington]

seconded - cut the bloody plug off ( i have done this in the past!!)

[lazymumofteenagesons]

Woke up at 2:45in the morning the other night realised the hall lights were on and found 18 year old son still playing on COD. I had gone to bed and he had said he would be up in half and hour, that was at 11pm. He has also begun watching videos on youtube where people seem to talk about COD and vdeo themselves playing bits of it. I've told him these are 'sad' people and if he is not careful he will turn into one.

[IMoveTheStars]

don't think the OP is coming back....

[lairymum99]

Can't tell you how glad I am that I'm not the only mum with this problem. Have posted a very similar thread on this myself recently, please check, might be useful to you.

The climax, or rather low point, in my relationship with DS15 came when DS physically attacked me when we had a massive bustup over turning the f*ing thing off. He's bigger than me. I have bruises.

That's when the penny finally dropped that I had allowed him to become an out-of-control teenage monster!

At the moment, we're on a stand-off. DS's father lives nearby and DS has moved in, for the time being. ANd taken the xbox.

I am happy to have DS back anytime, but without the attitude and the xbox.

Does that help you? Let it be a warning!! My advice fwiw: Let out your inner bitch NOW and ban that thing from the house. If you want your son back, that is.

[lairymum99]

Here's the link.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/925052-Teenage-addiction-CoD-strikes-again

It's a doddle, this parenting lar, eh?

[roisin]

My boys are 10 and 12. Yes, almost all of their friends have CoD and other similar games.

No, this does not affect my decision that I will not have such games in my house at all ever. No matter how old they are. It's not happening.

You are the adult, the parent. He is the child.

There are more important things in life than being "socially isolated" for not playing the latest game.

[janeite]

Bin the damn thing. He shouldn't have it and his behaviour in no way justifies him owning an 'adult' game. You are the parent.

I care little for them being left out at school for non-possession of games - tough. It has an 18 rating for a reason. I actually think that parents who allow their CHILDREN to own games like this should have their heads examined - it is grossly irresponsible imho.

[unorganisedchaos]

if you don't cut it out or down now he'll be 40 odd alone in your upstairs bedroom with no social life or ability to have one!!

[ifItoldyouIdhavetokillyou]

I'm not surprised the OP has not come back. There are often threads like this in which which the OP is found guilty of being a bad parent rather than given advice and support.

I also think it's too easy to judge when you have small children and not teenagers.
I know many parents who have innocently bought x boxes for their boys as a progression from Playstations or DSs.

There are some good ideas on this thread.

[NextDirectory]

i feel the OP's pain. I too have a 13 year old mad about COD. I hate it. But he is only allowed on it at weekends and we make sure we go out alot then!

He too can get very agitated andobsessed when he is playing, but that is when i remove the headset and controls . He knows where he stands, but I really really hate it. In fact I hate xbox fullstop

[inthesticks]

I hate it too but I have very strict rules and time limits on it's use which keeps it under control. I've posted on this before, but basically DS is allowed 2 x 1 hour "slots" a day , subject to homework etc.
Plus it's switched off completely one day a week.
Much to my surprise, he decided to give up x box for lent and has stuck to it.

[janeite]

I have teenagers - still judge though.

[roisin]

ds1 is a teenager in 2 months' time and I work with teenagers, but I'm completedly judgy on this one.

I am shocked at people saying "I hate cod so much", but then they allow their children access to it. Why? My house, my rules...

[NextDirectory]

roisin - because they nag. because their friends have it. Because when they are all playing xbox live and your child does not have the same game then they cannot join in. And my main because is, that I do not want my child to be the odd one out. I want him to fit in with his peers.

Having had him on the end of bullying, there is no way I am giving anyone a reason to do it again.

There are loads of us that hate COD but let the kids do it for all number of reasons.
And before you ask, if my ds friends took drugs etc would i allow him because he would be the odd one out, no of course not. (just pre-empting a question I have seen on this subject before!)

[scaryteacher]

Mixed feelings on this one - ds has a PS3 and a computer. He is allowed to spend time playing on the PS3 and the computer once all his homework is done. I will be setting strict rules from next term, as he is rapidly approaching year 10 and has to knuckle down, especially with the end of KS3 exams approaching, and these will affect his setting for the next two years.

He is 14, so he is allowed games with a BBFC 15 rating, but not no how, no way is he allowed games that are an 18. I also agree with Janeite and Roisin; best they learn to stand up to peer pressure early, it's a good lesson to learn.

[roisin]

If you refuse to allow your child to do x, y or z; actually I don't think it leads to bullying. Because it just gives them an excuse to turn round and say "my wicked evil mother won't let me", which is actually a comfortable get-out clause for them with all sorts of things.

Children can be bullied for a whole variety of reasons. Others may pick on them because of their appearance, their clothes, their possessions, their parents' income or car, their taste in music, etc, etc. It is simply not possible to remove all possible 'causes' of bullying.

On the other hand it is possible to encourage your child to stand up to bullies, to show that they don't value the bully's opinion, that they are not affected by the taunts and the jibes. ds1 is 'unusual' in a whole variety of ways and you might expect him to be be a 'soft target' for bullies. But because he has high self esteem and confidence and learned at a very early age to not react to the wind-up merchants he hasn't been massively affected by bullies. Because we have refused to play the "keeping up with the Jones's game" on anything ever - phones, game platforms, PC/TV access, etc. - he has learned that these things are not crucial to his survival. He has also given up on the idea of trying to be a sheep and fit in with the crowd and actually - something of a surprise to me - is more of a leader and a trend-setter, because he doesn't blend in with the masses and doesn't try to.