Toddler Step child claiming everything bought for newborn

(34 Posts)
Busted1979 Sun 30-Dec-18 13:43:25

I understand this isn’t the worst of problems to have but it is something that is really starting to annoy me so I’m wondering if I’m being silly or if other people have felt the same

My partner has a 7 year old from a previous relationship who stays with us every weekend , she’s a great child and we have an amazing relationship however, she is very, very spoilt this is something I’ve always bit my tongue on and I think because my boyfriend and his parents don’t get to see her whenever they want (the mum is awful- banned he family from seeing her at one point) they make up for the time they have with her by buying her everything .

So recently my partner and I have had a 3 month old daughter , her step sister is great with her, loves her, however EVERYTHING we have bought for our new baby she claims as her own my boyfriend just see’s it as sharing which I understand but it’s driving me crazy, this child has ALL the toys in the world, Barbuda a Nintendo switch every board game ever I don’t understand why she wants to play with a baby’s scrunch butterfly or her soft book, I come downstairs in the morning and she’s laying in the baby’s babygym ? Despite being 9 times too big for it , any soft toy we’ve bought for the baby she cuddles and takes to bed with her despite having a full basket of her own bears and soft toys here !
I must sound horrible but I shouldn’t have to ask for something back off a 7 year old when I need it for the baby, she even takes her blankets and uses them on her despite us having 2 adult size throws in the living room that we use I know it sounds mean but I want them to be the baby’s own I want them to have her smell so she familiarises with them

I’ve tried talking to my partner and he completely dissmisses me and thinks I’m being silly help !

OP’s posts: |
Stuckforthefourthtime Sun 30-Dec-18 13:48:30

1. She's nowhere near a toddler
2. This is totally totally normal for an older sibling

The best thing to do is roll with it for a bit - swaddle her if it's fun, let her be a baby and soon she'll be bored with it. Can you enlist her to help - get her to fetch nappies, or be in charge of washing the baby's feet during a bath? Praise her for all her efforts and remember she is your baby's family too

Santaisfastasleepatlast Sun 30-Dec-18 13:49:39

Remind her babies don't eat sweets or watch TV.

CrookedMe Sun 30-Dec-18 13:52:59

I think it's fairly normal for older children to want to be babied a bit, when a new baby comes along./Sort of a survival instinct I suppose, so that they keep getting attention.

Just nod and smile along, she'll get bored of it soon.

LegoPiecesEverywhere Sun 30-Dec-18 13:56:20

Agree with pp. She is not a toddler but it is totally normal.

Nishky Sun 30-Dec-18 13:57:37

Totally normal for an older sibling

MadameButterface Sun 30-Dec-18 14:00:54

As everyone else has said

1) not a toddler
2) all normal

And i would add

3) a three month old baby does not ‘need’ its soft toys at bedtime


BendingSpoons Sun 30-Dec-18 14:03:57

I am 7 months pregnant and DD (nearly 3) likes to get in the moses basket and car seat. I imagine it will get worse when the baby is here! If you need things, ask for them back but otherwise try to let it go. You could chat to her about how helpful she can be as a big sister and the privileges she gets.

Moonstoned Sun 30-Dec-18 14:04:47

Are you very inexperienced with children, OP? Your use of toddler’ for a seven-year-old — whose toddling days are waaay behind her — and your surprise at this suggest so. Completely normal, in sibling relationships.

Anotherdayanotherdollar Sun 30-Dec-18 14:04:49

My 4 yr old (also not a toddler) does this with his brother's things. Its normal

Sids guidelines recommend against soft toys etc in cots.

MummySharkDoDo Sun 30-Dec-18 14:05:40

All 3 of mine share toys, and gravitate towards baby ones. Try to reframe it by promoting a sibling bond rather than separateness, if she’s holding a baby toy for example show her how to entertain the baby with it or ask her to use the blanket to tuck around the baby herself. Get her involved.

If she’s over the line just suggest giving the baby the switch in lieu of what she’s pushing her luck with in a jokey manner

JenFromTheGlen Sun 30-Dec-18 14:06:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ethel80 Sun 30-Dec-18 14:09:09

It sounds pretty normal to me and the behaviour is possibly magnified because she's not with you all the time. I imagine it might be difficult for her to know that you have a family unit that doesn't include her part of the time.

I'd do as others suggest and encourage her to be involved and don't make this a battleground as you'll be the one that looks petty.

MrsPworkingmummy Sun 30-Dec-18 14:10:36

A 3 month old will have absolutely no concept of toys / blankets etc, so don't worry about your baby feeling she's missing out in some way. What your DSD is doing is completely normal - regardless of the fact she's her half sister (which I think you're subtly alluding too). There's a similar age gap between my two children, and my elder daughter is exactly the same as your SD. Our baby is nearly 1 now, and she still gets in his cot, plays with his toys etc. She needs to know she's still loved so we go along with it. We've massively involved her in helping out - perhaps you could too. Our DD helps bathe, change nappies and play with her brother. I BF so she knows she can't do that. She's desperate to know he loves her as much as she perceives him to love me and her dad so we constantly tell her what a fab big sister she is (she's amazinggrin) and make an effort to give her 1-2-1 time. Your SD needs love and reassurance. Don't spoil your relationship with her by acting annoyed or too protective over your baby.

fruityvicar Sun 30-Dec-18 14:15:09

1. Not a toddler
2. Not her step sister
3. Let her play with the toys ffs
4. The baby won't care

CarrieBlu Sun 30-Dec-18 14:17:17

You’re being ridiculous and unkind towards your SD.

As PP’s have said, she’s not a toddler.

Sharing and involving older siblings is a nice way for them to connect.

A 3 month old does not need soft toys.

Our two DC just wanted each other’s toys this Christmas. Didn’t bother us, as long as everyone is having a good time and they share nicely. I think it’s your attitude that needs work, not your step daughters.

EsmeeMerlin Sun 30-Dec-18 14:22:02

As everyone else has said it’s completely normal. My 5 year old will sit and play with his 10 month old younger brother’s toys and likes to play in his brother’s cot and use it as a den. He was really bad with wanting everything his brother has and wanting to be a baby when his brother was first born.

It’s completely fine and it’s not like the baby is aware of it. It would be different if your dsd was snatching from her 3 year old sister and making her cry.

It’s just her getting used to a baby sibling. It will calm down, point out to her how much cooler her toys are. Make sure she feels included and has one on one time too.

CarrieBlu Sun 30-Dec-18 14:22:38

Also, if you stop your DC and SD building up a good relationship where they both feel loved and involved, and can share and play nicely together, you won’t have those lovely moments where the oldest entertains the youngest and allows you five minutes peace to have a cup of tea.

bookmum08 Sun 30-Dec-18 14:23:24

Buy her a baby doll. You look after your baby, she looks after her baby.

EsmeeMerlin Sun 30-Dec-18 14:23:35

Also it will go the other way too, my youngest has played non stop with a power ranger container my eldest got for Christmas. He also loves to go for the hot wheels cars. Siblings take some getting used to.

Akire Sun 30-Dec-18 14:24:15

Maybe you could suggest she lends the baby a few of her soft toys? It’s one thing wanting to try out and get attention that’s normal. But if she is still taking every toy and blanket away at this stage you may need to make a point of sharing out things between them (with her help). She will have to start sharing soon better on her terms to start.

Newmumma1979 Sun 30-Dec-18 14:54:28

No completely know she doesn’t ‘need’ her soft toys I meant when she’s lying on the baby’s changing matt etc and I do need those things at the time she is doing so etc

Newmumma1979 Sun 30-Dec-18 14:56:30

No I’m not English sorry for the use of the use of the word toddler

English is not my first language !

Newmumma1979 Sun 30-Dec-18 14:58:07

Sorry English isn’t not my first language if I’ve used the terms wrong

Cherries101 Sun 30-Dec-18 15:02:23

She’s trying to get your attention. At that age when a child is desperate for attention they’ll settle for anything even negative attention — she knows being naughty or claiming baby’s things annoys you, but I’m guessing you and her dad don’t pay any attention to her when she’s good. (Not your fault, it’s easy to overlook a good child).

I suggest you get her more involved with the baby. Start referring to it as her sibling. I also suggest letting her and her dad spend private time away from you and the baby. They should spend 1-2-1 time and it’s vital they do otherwise their relationship will be ruined.

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